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Original poster

anyone else very LATE 30S thinking of having another BABY with BIG AGE GAP??

29 replies

noonar · 18/02/2011 20:48

well that's it really... am 39 in the summer. have dds aged 6.5 and 9 so the age gap would be pretty huge. and i worry about the risk of gentic abnormalities, being an older mother. which are pretty high.

have toyed with the idea of baby number 3 for 3 years and am still no more decided. dh feels the same.

should i go for it on the basis that its now or never and i might regret it if i dont???

anyone in similar dilemma or with exp of similar age gaps?

OP posts:

Carrotsandcelery · 18/02/2011 20:53

noonar I will be 39 in the summer, my dcs are 6 and 9, and we both keep toying with the idea of another baby.
Everything you have mentioned is something that is in our minds.
I do wonder if it is because it is "crunch" time though and we will have to face the "no more babies" eventually.
I am very interested to see what everyone else has to say on the matter.

Original poster

noonar · 18/02/2011 20:54

carrots. are you me? spooky!

OP posts:

Original poster

noonar · 18/02/2011 20:55

lets do it together, carrots. well, not literally obv

OP posts:

mono3 · 18/02/2011 20:56

Had Dc3 when age 38, other DC 8 and 6 so similar age gap to your one. TBH it is great. Other DC love her to bits and are very patient with her. As they are at school all day, I have lots of time for her. Although one drawback is she does spend lots of time in car or pram ferrying them to and from school/activities but as she has done that since birth she seems quite used to that now!

I was like you and concerned about my age and did pay to have nuchal scan and bloods done privately as not done as standard in my area.

Only you and your dh can decide. Is a difficult decision.

keeplaughing · 18/02/2011 20:58

Hey - don't worry. I had my second child at 39, my DD was 11. It's great in many ways - she has always been a fab older sister to him and loved having a baby when she was younger (tho obviously annoying little brother at times.) They have a great relationship.Also, the babbysitting perks in a few years are good I would have had another after him, even though too old really, as I alway wanted more kids. Sadly my circumstances didn't allow it. Couldn't afford it / D soon to be ex H said I had to get back to work full time....Yes, statistically there is a higher risk of problems. But there is relevant screening for some of this. You will however feel more tired with a baby than you did when you were younger! If your DH is supportive, and you can afford it go for it definitely, and don't worry. Life is too short

TapselteerieO · 18/02/2011 20:59

Me too, would love another baby, have ds (6.9) and dd (9), dh is not keen, I love that my children are not very demanding, but feel my family is not complete at two children, ds has sn, and I worry about the future and would it be easier for dd with another sibling maybe to support each other, but there is no guarantee my next child doesn't have sn... I end up going around in circles.

Original poster

noonar · 18/02/2011 21:00

mono, do you older dc miss out on some activites that you might otherwise do as a family but are not sutable for a baby?

OP posts:

Dunoon · 18/02/2011 21:03

I had my first at 35 and second at 40 so 5 year age gap and it was great. Big sister loved helping me to look after the baby and she was at school during the day so I had plenty of time with the baby alone too.
Now the third one two years later, unexpectedly, was a shock!

Carrotsandcelery · 18/02/2011 21:04

Taps our ds is currently being investigated for possible issues/sn and I do wonder if, given that I am older, there is a greater risk of a more serious problem now I am older.

Original poster

noonar · 18/02/2011 21:04

tapsel, i just have this vision of myself as a regretful 48 yo with 2 dc thinking
' i cant believe i ever thought 38 was too old to have another baby'.

re the risks of older parents... for me its a question of not wanting to 'push my luck', as i have 2 very healthy dds.

OP posts:

MiraNova · 18/02/2011 21:05

I had DC3 when I was 40, DDs were 11 and 9. DS is now 4, and I have to say it's been great.
Inbuilt babysitters now they're all a bit older. No problems, but there are no guarantees with any pregnancies..

lyra41 · 18/02/2011 21:08

I had my first child at 27, my second at 30 and my third at 41.

The big age gap is great, lots of ad hoc babysitting available if I need to pop out for an hour in the day, and paid babysitters at home in the evening who are (sometimes) willing to put dc3 to bed whilst we go out for the small sum of £5.

It def helps that dc2 is a girl and mostly very sweet and motherly with dc3, there is a 10 year age gap, so the babysitting thing didn't start immediately.

There has also been the advantage of very little jealousy.

upthehill · 18/02/2011 21:08

I was 8 and my sister 10 when my brother was born. My mum was 34, and at that time was seen at old.

I can vividly remember changing my brothers nappies so I guess we must have been a help!

He just kind of tagged along with all the stuff we did, I guess my mum was pretty relaxed.

He is still seen as the "baby" and gets off with murder, I do also think though that he has kept my parents young.

I too would worry about having a special needs child - I am happy with my lot so why push the boat. But I guess the risks are always there, you just have to be prepared for them and decided what is more important to your family. I feel happy with 2 but lots of my friends aren't

Original poster

noonar · 18/02/2011 21:08

ah, thanks everyone. i just think in the end i have to have a bit of faith in destiny.

dh would love it. i could be a f/t sahm for the first time ever, as have always had to work p/t, but with 3 dc, we have agreed that it would be too stressful to keep working.

OP posts:

TapselteerieO · 18/02/2011 21:09

I was a very avid reader of this column here for the last year, really lovely reading about having a baby at 48!

lyra41 · 18/02/2011 21:09

I too was worried about genetic probs with me being older, so I had cvs done at 12 weeks. Looking back, I'm not sure why I did, my mother put me under quite a lot of pressure at the time, it was a worrying wait, but all worked out fine in the end.

TapselteerieO · 18/02/2011 21:17

Carrots when my ds was younger it was so much harder, but now his sn seems quite mild, but he is such a Mummy's boy I worry he would be jealous of a sibling.... But he does sometimes talk about me having another baby , at the same time he finds screaming and crying an issue.... round in circles again. I would also need to persuade dh, who is a few years older than me and quite happy as we are.

AintMissBeehiving · 18/02/2011 21:18

I had DS1 at 33 and DS2 at 38. It's great . DS1 loves being an older brother and although they have their moments play together happily. I never thought I'd have another child after DS1 but had a bit of an epiphany after my mum died suddenly, which made me re-evaluate what I wanted in life. After all, you don't get a second chance.

BikeRunSki · 18/02/2011 21:25

I am 40 and have just had bfp with DC2. DS is 2.5. Won't be a big age gap, but I am a bit concerned about my age.

In fact, you lot are the first people I have told apart from DH and health centre receptionist.

TapselteerieO · 18/02/2011 21:29

Congrats Bike! hearing your news is lovely, good luck with your pregnancy.

Carrotsandcelery · 18/02/2011 21:29

Congratulations BikeRunSki - Fabulous news!

lyra41 · 18/02/2011 21:34

Big congratulations Bikeskirun. take it easy on the biking, ski=ing and running! the next adventure starts here!

hellymelly · 18/02/2011 21:38

Well i had my first at 41.I think the risks of abnormalities are over played.there is arisk with every pregnancy.As to your gap-I don't have a big gap between my two,but I know several families with a gap like yours and it has worked out really really well.Very harmonious and balanced families all of them.Possibly because older children are less likely to be jealous of the new sibling?

drosophila · 18/02/2011 21:40

I was 41 whwn I had my 3rd baby (not planned) and there is a 4 yr age gap between him and next one. 5 yrs between no 2 and no 1.

There are advantages to big age gaps I think. Keeps you young longer I think. Also the older ones can help entertain the younger one.

BikeRunSki · 18/02/2011 21:40

Lyra Biking, running and skiing have been fairly low down the agenda for a while now!

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