Motorbike accident....ggggrrrrrrrrrr

[MABS]

For 16 yrs my dh has has his own variety of 'babies' - motorbikes. 15 yrs ago he wrote one off and escaped very lightly.

Yesterday he wrote off his brand new Triumph and again walked away virtually unscathed - apart from a battered ego.

I'm not worried about the financial side of it, he's insured and anyway he pays for it. But, i don't think i can take the stress anymore of waiting for 'that phonecall' that tells me he's had another accident. To add to the worry of it all, he works nights so these all occur in the dark.

Am I being unreasonable in saying enough is enough, as we have 2 children now too? He has a car also so that's not a problem , but he insists on using the bike to go to work all year round. Opinions please.

I can sympathise - My 57 MIl has one.The thought of her in leathers makes us ROFL as she is rather overwight. We refuse to look at it or discuss it as they are patenly dangerous and she is ridiculous. Infact whenn she revealed she had one I told her she was thoughtless and stupid and actually cried in anger.

So no you are not out of order.

I think you could do with some statistics to back up your argument - I'm sure you would get more support from your dh if knew the figures - and that often it's the car driver that causes the accident but the bike rider who (obviously) comes off worst. ie you're not suggesting your dh is a careless/bad rider.

I know how you feel - dp has a propensity to take mountain bikes and onto very dangerous ground (he throws them off the side of a mountain, as he puts it).

But I'm not sure about putting your foot down. I've insisted that dp doesn't go out biking until he's insured (i.e. life and nasty accident insurance). I've made a bit of a joke of it I guess but it's got the point accross loud and clear without having to nag or otherwise argue. I know only too well that nagging and otherwise arguing would have no effect anyway.

But motorbikes are more dangerous, especially in winter. Can you compromise - maybe get him to agree not to use the bike when it's been raining or something? Other than that I think you may have to put up with it - if they've been his babies for 16 years I really don't think you're going to be able to change that now.

I'd be really worried too. They are dangerous and I'm sure the statistics will prove it (if you think they would help). I was with a friend a couple of years ago when she got a call to tell her a male friend had been pronounced dead on arrival at hospital that day as a result of a motorbike accident (he was a bike courier in London). I think if it was my dp I'd explain how I felt and tell him how important it was to me that he stopped. I can imagine your fear MABS, I'm bad enough about dp driving long distances - pathetic, I know but somehow I'm worse now I'm pregnant and seem to remember being exactly the same with ex dh when ds was newborn - just the thought of losing him was awful. If he won't stop riding them then maybe ask him to up his life insurance dramatically as lucy123 suggests - maybe that'll get the message across. I'm sure it's not entirely rational or reasonable MABS but I do know that I'd be the same in your position: begging him to drive instead.

I went to see my friend in Roehampton hospital which has a special wing for amputees. With the exceptiono of my friend, everyone there over 50 was there because of smoking, everyone under 50 was there due to motorbikes. It would put anyone off both IMO. I totally sympathise and hope I haven't made you feel worse. I do think it's fair to ask him to stop, but I don't think it will be easy.

thanks all, I'm actually not sure now that I will have to ask him to stop as he's feeling very bad and guilty about it all - but we'll see... Love the suggestions about his life assurance but as he said today ' you'll be a rich woman if don't make it ' I don't think i'll push that one

as a biker I feel I have to put the other side in hopes it helps relieve your anxiety if he continues to ride the bike...

Just two scrapes in 16 years, given he drives daily, sounds very good - I know a number of car drivers who've had worse (requiring attendance to A&E) and more often. So it sounds like he's generally a good and sensible driver with perhaps only the odd lapse in concentration (I'm presuming these write-offs are to do with him overstreching his skills rather than avoiding a dosy car driver).

Riding at night you're more visible than in the day as bike lights are almost as visible as car ones. The fresh air keeps you awake and so you're less likely to dose off than car drivers and also at night there's generally less traffic and therefore more "escape routes" should a car pull out at you.

Please don't take bikes as all bad - I can honestly say that riding a bike has saved me from at least two nasty accidents - the most recent I was coming out of a village and turned a bend in the road to be faced by an overtaking car coming directly at me at about 60mph - If I'd been in a car there would have been a head on collision, whereas I managed to squeeze between the car and the hedge.

If he does decide to carry on biking (and if it's as fundamental to his self view as a bike is to mine it would be very difficult to give it up), get him to promise to drive as if he's on his test. Remember also that the majority of people that are hurt on bikes are either inexperienced/reckless youngsters or middle aged men who revisit their youth and jump on a high powered machine after 20years without biking (also allow for 20 years of engine development) and can not handle the machine.

HTH

Opps, other thing - you could also get him to promise not to drive in dangerous conditions - ice, snow & high winds (also rain if you're in a very cobbled area - rain on tarmac is no prob though after the first flush of grease & dust is off the top).

Most of the RTA's my dad (57) has had on his various bikes during the last 40 years have been due to car drivers who don't have a clue about riding bikes - maybe we should ask them to stop driving instead?

Also like to re-iterate what Janeway says about youngsters/middle aged men revisiting their youth.

MABS, my DH had motorbikes for years and got rid of his Ducatti 996 back in 2000. He had a very serious accident when he was 19, he spent weeks in ITU and was in traction on HDU for a further month. He is now pretty much the Bionic Man from the waist down.

We've got 3 kids (the last one wasn't born until '02) and I just sat him down and told him that 'enough is enough'. I used to dread him going out and would worry myself purple until he appeared on the drive in one piece. It was making me nervous wreck. Of course he would always profess to being the safest and cautious of riders (as safe as you can be when travelling at 120mph), but it wasn't his riding that worried me. It was the other people on the road, after all you can be the safest driver in the world but who knows what kind of an idiot is going to come pelting around the corner at you ?

It has been proven that the most motorcycle fatalities occur in the 'Born again biker' category. Those 45+ who had a fairly tame bike 20 years ago and suddenly go out and buy 1000cc monsters and just can't handle the power.

this is a hard one. DP had a v. bad accident when I was 5 months pg with ds. He broke his arm in two places, a few ribs and cracked a few vertebrae, spent a few weeks in ICU and 4 months off work. Not a fun time at all, but he still rides his bike and I don't feel it's my place to ask him not too. Actually I don't feel that he should stop, the accident was not his fault and he is a careful driver, he doesn't ever go out in bad weather and it saves us a lot of money. It is a fact though that in an accident the person on the bike is going to come off worse than the people in the car.
Do you think I should ask dp to stop using his bike?

Well no eefs because you have just stated that you are not that bothered by his motorcycle use -"... I don't feel it's my place to ask him not too. Actually I don't feel that he should stop, "

The point is that MABS is actively worried about her husbands bike use, so hers and your situations are totally different.

thanks all for your opinions. We're currently waiting for the assesor to come and I'm hoping it'll be written off (very likely) That way he'll have to actually go out and physically buy a new one. If it isn't written off and is repaired, i think it'll be harder for him to part with it. Does that make sense? Though he is halfway there himself I think...keeps saying bike'll never be the same. I'll keep you posted

I do think this is a tricky one. I would hate dh to ride a bike and would feel as you do, however if he really wanted to do it I don't thoink I could stop him- kids or no kids. I used to glide. Dh has put a ban on gliding (he gets really quite anxious that I don't ever glide again). Now I'm not bothered and don't particularly want to glide again (I'm getting more nervous as I get older anyway), but if I did want to I know I would really resent being told I couldn't. TBH I almost resent it anyway- even though I don't want to do it.

Hopefully he'll decide he doesn't want to do it anyway. My uncle was a mad biker (and dispatch rider) He had several accidents (none his fault) and he just decided overnight to stop. Hasn't been on a bike since.

Hmm, I'm with Janeway, although I'm not an active biker at the moment that's only because dd can't reach the footpegs yet.

OK, I'm (half) joking, I stopped riding when I found out I was pregnant and coincidently (sp ?) so did dh. For me it was a 'protective' thing, I rarely rode pillion afterwards either but it's never been something he talked about. Our garden shed has motorbikes in it instead of leaf blowers...

I really would be happy for him to ride still as it was one of his main hobbies before dd (and me) but he has chosen to not do it at the moment. BUT he's someone who has been riding since he was 8, and is totally bike orientated, learnt to drive a car only after we were married and his car instructor was gob-smacked about his observations about road & traffic conditions.

To cut the waffle, when I return to work next year (I hope) I will certainly consider riding if it will be time efficient ( allowing for dressing/undressing/hair/make-up too !). I am confident in my ability to read situations before they occur IYSWIM and dh is better than me at doing that.

I suspect the majority of mumsnetters are car drivers/walkers or cyclists but of the car drivers, how many of you can honestly say you check your rear view mirror, regularly, while moving forward and especially when manoevoring ? And if you can honestly say yes, I do, do you also check your rh wing mirror too ?

Yes, there will always be those dickheads who drive down main A roads at 40, and then continue at 40 through 30 zones and past schools (ARG!)

Driver education is something which will cut road deaths for all users far more effectively than the current obsession with 'speeding'.

IMHO, off to hide under stone again

Feel totally sick today, as further to my initial post - the new Triumph arrived today. I just hate it and have told him my feelings but he says, next to the kids and me, it's his only passion. Sorry, just needed to get that off my chest

Know what you're saying Mabs, I wouldn't like it either.

Ikwym, Mabs. Dh has always been a keen biker. Currently his BMW bike in the garage, needing attention, which I hope it never gets.

Twink,

I'm feeling very smug since I regularly check in my rear view mirror and right hand mirror. What a fabulous driver I!

But I do agree with you - a lot of people don't. I remember a conversation with a friend about an accident she had been in and I asked her did she use her right hand mirror because of the 'blind spot'. I was staggered when she replied that she had never heard of the blind spot!

just thought you would all love to hear that he wrote off the new motorbike at the weekend, and once again walked away! I can't stand it any more , i'm really feeling it or me now.

So, that's 2 nasty accidents in 7 months? Not a great record. Can you maybe reach a compromise whereby he has a less powerful bike? How about a pizza delivery moped?

my dh rides to work, he has pretty sporty 600, he wants to upgrade to 800 moe powerful bike when we move and commute futher, he is sensible has never had an accident, even I am reluctant to be ok about it...
I know if he had the accidents (whoevers fault it was) your dh has had, he would have it for leisure only not for commuting.

Well I've had 3 good friends killed on motorbikes, most recently this year one of my best friends and I am obviously not very keen on them. If dh wanted one I would lock him in a room until he saw sense.

I don't think it's unreasonable, it is a dangerous thing to do these days, and although I take Janeway's point I just feel that they are too dangerous for words. Not the bikes per se but the lack of protection that they afford in the event of an accident and the fact that they are much less visible than a car esp in poor conditions.

However you can't live your life in a what if state - otherwise no-one in London would be travelling to work on the train or tube at the moment and no-one would be flying!

Maybe he would compromise and only ride to work when the conditions are good?

thanks girls - he 's just told me it is going - permanently. Sooo relieved