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Original poster

Do you think this is a stupid idea?

24 replies

TrickorTwiglett · 12/10/2005 17:09

I am poorly at the moment

Have DD (17 months) and DS 4.5 (at school)

My mother and sisters live 230 miles away and don't really know DD .. last time they saw her she was 3 months old.

They think DH should take DD up to stay with them whilst I get better.

DD doesn't know them, or their homes .. nor do they know her or her foibles .. she would be separated from her parents and brother (she is currently being watched by friends she knows very well)

Am I over-reacting thinking its a very cruel idea?

OP posts:
Original poster
TrickorTwiglett · 12/10/2005 17:10

oh DH would be coming straight back cos he has to work

OP posts:
NotQuiteCockney · 12/10/2005 17:11

Do your mother and sisters have other kids of a similar age? Any chance you could go with her to stay there, and get babied yourself? How good are your mum and sisters with random kids? How outgoing is your DD? (But then who would mind DS?)

(I'd probably do this with my DSes, but then they're really really sociable.)

flamebat · 12/10/2005 17:11

Nope, I don't think you're over reacting at all.

They may be family, but to her it would be like leaving her with some stranger at a bus stop.

If you have care for her with people she knows, then I would stick with that.

foxinsocks · 12/10/2005 17:12

I would say that they are thinking of you (and your best interests) not necessarily dd's.

RTKMonherBROOMSTICK · 12/10/2005 17:14

how long do you think before you are better?

HRHQoQ · 12/10/2005 17:15

I presume DS knows them 'reasonably' well??

I may sound like a callous old bag - but if you trust your mum and sisters to look after her then I think you should let her go and concentrate on getting better. Kids are amazginly adaptable at 17 months old.....I know both of mine would have been ok being left............but I've got odd children - so I could be completely wrong.

flamebat · 12/10/2005 17:15

Oh yes, definately thinking all good thoughts for you, just not necessarily what is best for DD

CreepyJess · 12/10/2005 17:17

Can neither of them come and stay with you instead?

What ails you Twiglett?? (((hugs)) (if you do them, sigh, lol!)

HRHQoQ · 12/10/2005 17:18

haven't you been ill for a while now?

How long do you think it's going to take to get better with things as they are currently?

How long do you think it would take to get better without the added pressure of having to look after a 17 month old?

Is it better to be ill for longer (and therefore not running at 100% with childcare for DD).

Or is it better to get better quicker and be able to look after your DD at 100% sooner?

JoolsToo · 12/10/2005 17:19

Hi Twiglett, I've been wondering how you are - you've been ill for a couple of weeks now hope your soon ticketyboo again

as for your problem, well it would be chance for them to get to know her and she them but I think it would be too traumatic for her without you or dh there as well. What about you going with dd and your mum and sisters looking after you both? Is there anyone to take care of ds after school while dh is at work?

Or dare I ask? would you have her to stay with you?

BudaBabe · 12/10/2005 17:21

I couldn't do it - I wouldn't get better as I would be too worried!

If having friends who your DD knows is working out well I think that is the best for all.

Hope you DO feel better soon!

tamum · 12/10/2005 17:24

Oh Twiglett, you poor thing. I didn't know you were still ill. I would have reacted like you, but on the other hand I had to go and stay with my grandmother and aunt for several months when I was exactly your dd's age. I don't really remember it, but I was perfectly happy, seemingly, and not at all traumatised. And I got a Welsh accent into the bargain

Original poster
TrickorTwiglett · 12/10/2005 17:26

Jess .. I have a severe chest infection .. am now on the 3rd lot of antibiotics (have also had inhalers and steroids).. the bottom half of my lungs are totally congested .. they thought it was asthma (it isn't)... so not sleeping, coughing till I puke (don't even ask about my pelvic floor ), spitting up vile globules, unable to walk upstairs without a rest .. moan, moan groan whinge

don't know how long it will take to get better .. I can't believe I've been ill this long to be honest .. I feel totally betrayed by my body

I am not currently capable of looking after my children, I can barely look after myself

I have asked them to come stay but they all have other committments

OP posts:
crunchie · 12/10/2005 17:28

I think they are only trying to help

RTKMonherBROOMSTICK · 12/10/2005 17:31

Poor you

Are you friends happy to keep going with present situation?

If so I would keep going as you are

CreepyJess · 12/10/2005 17:34

Aw Twiglett.. POOR you! That explains the Cipro then. Which, incidentally, is very good stuff.

Have you thought about HomeStart? They help out families with children under 5 who are stuggling for whatever reason.

Re the commitments of your family, if they DID have your children at theirs/ might they too not have to struggle?

Have you spoken to your health visitor? This is a tough one.. you DO need lots of rest.

CJ x

Original poster
TrickorTwiglett · 12/10/2005 17:35

who's homestart?

OP posts:
CreepyJess · 12/10/2005 17:37

here you go Twiglett.

Original poster
TrickorTwiglett · 12/10/2005 17:43

thanks but they come once a week for a couple of hours

what I really need is a nanny / nurse type person who will happily take care of us (me included) on a day by day basis and not charge a fortune in the process .. only has to be 9 till 6 and DD sleeps for at least 2 hours during the day and DS at school which is just round the corner

now does that exist?

OP posts:
tamum · 12/10/2005 17:46

There used to be an agency up here called Emergency Mums, which would have been ideal. There must be something equivalent in London- maybe you could ring some nanny agencies and see if they've got any people wanting short-term employment at vastly reduced rates?

CreepyJess · 12/10/2005 17:46

Probably.. but not without charging a fortune sadly.. I would speak to the HV. This can't be that uncommon a situation.

Can DH not get some compassionate leave?

NotQuiteCockney · 12/10/2005 17:54

Our local nanny agency charges £6/hour for the nannies, but you have to pay the agency on top.

Lonelymum · 12/10/2005 18:02

If you get on well with your fmaily and trust them, I would let your dd go to stay with them. But maybe you don't if they haven't seen her for so long.

I know my mother looked after my cousin when her mother went into hospital and relationships haave never been great between the two families. She was just a baby then - similar age to your dd I would guess. i don't know how well she knew our family. TBH, my children see their grandparents every few months but it is not until they were about 2 that they began to remember who they were, so your dd wouldn't be badly off. Also, a lovely chance for your family to get to know her...

I imagine you want to keep your baby with you but you do sound horribly ill and you will get better so much more quickly if you only have yourself to think of for large parts of the day.

RTKMonherBROOMSTICK · 12/10/2005 18:03

as a childmoinder I get sent info about a scheme for emergancy childminding

KMc probably has signed up for it so ask her for info

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