im concerned about my mum.... :-( (abit upsetting this and its long too)

[spookylips]

as ive had told her that its not working here (as she had been living with me for nearly 8 months) so she accepted eventually and she had found a house but is waiting for a date to move in.....

BUT... 2 yrs ago her twin hunged herself coz of severe depression and i can talk about her as ive accepted it (took me about a year to accept it) but mum is not accepting it whatsoever and doesnt talk about her to me or to her sisters as they are all talking about her eg - remember May used to like that or this and mum just either blank it out or say "hmm" thats it....

i spoken to my aunty who mum used to work with (As partnership in a bridal shop for 14 yrs) and the past 2 yrs she was driving my aunty up the wall as eg an important wedding dress was finished and was VERY important and she told my mum "when the girl come in tmrw for her wedding dress, its in the back room" so mum said "yeah ok".. the following day my aunty got a call from my mum to saythat the girl is furious coz mum said that it wasnt in the shop but aunty said it is as i told you yesterday that it was in the back room but mum said she forgot..

i feel sorry for mum but in the past 2 yrs she seems to be floating all day and not listening to anyone

anyway.. as ive told her that she gotta start looking somewhere else and we said that she got 3 months, she had found a house with no heating only oil filled radiators in the bedroom and a stove in living room i told her that she doesnt have to jump at the first house she sees but she said "no i wanna move now, as you want me to go" so i told her yeah thats correct but you've got 3 months to look around for a nicer house" so she is cutting her nose off to spice me!!(is that the correct saying??)
so i do want her to get help to help her to grieve as she hadnt started it yet but just floating around and forgetting things

(correction - in the last 2 yrs not past 2 yrs)

spooky is your mum on any medication as sometimes this can cause loss of memory probs

no she not on anything

Sounds like your Mum is very depressed and is still deeply grieving for her sister. Were they close? My sister survived a suicide attempt just weeks ago and i know for a fact had she succeeded that I'd be in pieces and it would take a long long time to put me gently back together. As it is we're living with the constant fear that she may try it again sometime. Can you persuade her to seek help from her GP re some medication or counselling?

Get her down to the GP to get her thyroid checked. It may be completely irrelevant but my mum had an underactive thyroid and she became very depressed, forgetful, disorganised etc.

spooky could you not take her to gp and talk about this prob, your mum may be depressed

I dont have any real answers but I hope you sort it soon,
xxx

oh yeah they were very close, meet up every week for a silly natter (they were like a pair of kids together)...

well as ive asked mum to move out, i dont wanna put any more on her, shall i ask my aunty or is it best coming from me? - my aunty had accepted it (mum got 4 sisters and 1 bro)

well she seems not doing anything at all and i cant force her but i wish she open up, as i told DP that this is not my mum as a big possibly thats why she wants to live in France to leave behind her life and start a new one..

As nothing sounds right as i spoken to her friend who got to know my mum in france, she knew about her twin, mum was upset as she feels that she is missing out on her first grandchild (she moved to france when baba was 2 days old and didnt see her till she was 5 mths old) plus she is very close to her family too so if she moved to france she be on her own!!?

I think accepting the suicidal death of someone you're very close to would be much more difficult than if she'd died either naturally or in an accident. For her to try and put her life back together though, she will need some help as it seems her pain still feels quite raw to her.

Also, it is worth checking her thyroid function as Aloha suggested as my Mum also went through a period of depression etc and this turned out to be the cause. Thyriod problems are very treatable, as is depression.

Oh and especially if she was a twin - have just re-read. She must feel as if part of herself is missing. I do realise that this must be a hugely stressful situation for you to be going through too.

i agree totally with Aero as when people ask, they look all full of horror and shock!
..

we all cannot understand the real raw pain that my mum experiencing as she is a twin

do i mention it 2nite or leave it till she move in the house?

my sister dies 3 1/2 years ago and to be quite honest with you I have only just started seeing a counsellor and accepting the greif iykwim. I would take her to the GP, my GP was very understanbding thank goodness. She most probably needs some counselling to come to terms with things. Cruse do bereavement counselling, could you try giving them a call?

i know it is frustrating for you, but she is most probably completely numb and devastated

ok wish me luck !

Fio - I'd no idea - very sorry . At least I still have my sister for which I'm so thankful. The thought of being without her is just incomprehensible to me, but the fear that I might be in that position one day is always there.
Spooky, I'd try to gently mention to her that you want to talk to her about something and find a quiet time to do so, the sooner the better imho. Tell her that you fully support her and want to help her get through the grieving process and put the pieces of her life back together in a new way that she can live with.

thanks everyone for your advice

oh and im sorry to hear fio about your sister

mums here and it doesnt feels right me have a talk with her

Maybe if you're not comfortable speaking to her about this, could you write it down, or speak with someone who knows her well that might be able to have a word?