Anyone moved to new area for sake of your children?

[Lasvegas]

I am moving next year from a lovely place in SW London to Kent/London borders so that our children will have a better quality of life. It means my communte will be longer so will see less of DD and I hate the idea of having to live my life by a train timetable. It is by far the best thing for us as a family, as London is just too expensive for us. I know I have to put the children first but it seems such an enormous sacrifice. I feel like I'm becoming old. Hs anyone else been in this situation?

Oh lasvegas, Beckenham and Chislehurst are both pretty nice
Chislehurst has some pretty eating places and pubs. I can think of many worse and more soulless burbs to pitch camp in...
Chislehurst especially has some very handsome architecture. Don't know Beckenham so well.

We're just wiating for a completion date on our house/move.

Live in Sutton/north surrey and I loathe it.

The traffic, the houses, the lack of open space, even the people with their "I've got this, this and this better than you" attitude.

We're moving down to south coast, between Eastbourne and Brighton. 10 minutes walk for the beach, 10 mintues in the car from the south downs.
I cannot wait to get out of this shithole.

Majorstress, Hertfordshire is lovely - Thameslink commute is fast but apparently commute from Ware and Hertford is a nightmare. Come to North-west Herts! Good schools, fast commute, greenery, cheaper housing than London.

LadyTophamHatt, I too live in 'The Ton' as we affectionately call Sutton and are off to pastures new, for all our sakes really. I have to say I am also a bit apprehensive as I have grown up round here and where we are moving to is very quiet and I am used to having everything on my doorstep.
Also, will have to get up really early to be on time for work ...

Tee Hee Edam about the local hoodies!! I'd love to take them to Brixton with me when I go back to teaching. They wouldn't know whats hit them!!!
I do find the local transport here horrific though. Commuting to London is alright, but it takes me longer to wait for a bus than to make the 25min walk into town. Also miss the 24 hr backstreet off-licenses. You have to much more organized coz no-one can pop and get another bottle at mid-night if you run out.

I like not being confronted by yellow 'Witnesses Needed' signs though.

Exactly littlemum - we were in Battersea so not that far away from you and the number of yellow boards were scary. So Solid Crew lived on my street/the streets immediately around us so the kids from our new place really would be eaten alive back 'home'. (Although all the local cabbies said 'Oh, I know their families, they never give me any hassle 'coz I say I'll tell their mums...')

One thing confirmed for me that we were making the right decision to move. A shooting in the house opposite us. Man drove up on a motorbike, calmly walked into the kitchen and shot the daughter's boyfriend through the head. I guess the boyfriend had pissed off the sort of people you really don't want to mess with. But anybody could be caught in the crossfire next time.

Shortly after we moved, I saw on the news that there had been what they called a 'road rage' incident on the main road yards from our house - someone in the car in front stopped, ran back to the car behind, and shot a small child in the back seat. Quite deliberately. Again, I imagine the driver had pissed off someone you really don't want to be involved with - or maybe it was a case of mistaken identity. But I really don't want to be within 100 miles of that kind of danger.

Edam, I lived on the Kambala estate Battersea for a year (York Road). Small, small world.

Very small world! I loved living there, it was a real old-fashioned community where people would leave their front doors unlocked, stand on their front steps and talk to each other. That's how the shooter was able to walk straight into the kitchen... Most of our immediate neighbours were elderly and had lived there since it was built, so their kids were grown up and coming back to visit with the grandchildren.

However, the crack dens on the estate next door (the one next to the station) were a worry...

We used to call it the Ken Barlow Estate!! . Just round the corner from the 'value for money' pub.
As a singleton in those days, I dated a few blokes from the area and some of them were rather scary and mixed in circles that I am relieved to have moved away from. Balham was my escape from there, but felt I needed a completely clean break with DS on the way. Didn't want to be bumping in to people as a mum. I used to love the excitment, now it scares the hell out of me.

Funny how being a mum changes your outlook, priorities etc.

The thing is, it is such a mixed area, with real extremes of wealth and poverty. Great when we were childless because so close to zone 1, Chelsea, all that. And loved having such a range of mummy mates on maternity leave, from yummy mummies 'between the Commons' to the other extreme. I loved the market on Battersea High Street too, and the river.

But the parents walking their kids to school via my street used to cuss something rotten and really didn't want ds swearing before he could talk!

Sorry, xed message. I agree I felt alot safer walking in some areas of Battersea at night, but would not have dared walk through Winstanley. My ex boyfriend came from there and told me not to even walk through it in the day.

DP and I discussed our move and one of the main points pro moving, was this: We all know that most teenagers get a little rebellious, what with hormones, showing off etc. If my DS decides to rebel, he is far more likely to get into serious trouble inner-London. My DP lived in SW London for all his life and most of his friends (esp from Boys Brigade surprisngly) have been to prison. I know moving is obviously not a sure-fire way of keeping DS safe, but there are far less gangs (and less serious), far less fire-arms and fire-arms crime, homicide, mugging etc, etc.

Anyway, that is my 2pence worth. Although I will reiterate that if I didnot have children, I would probably still live in London.

Yeah, I never walked through the Winstanley. Far too scary. That's where all the crack dens were...

Good point re rebellion. I'd rather ds did whatever the equivalent of wearing a hoodie and hanging out on street corners looking mean is when he's a teenager, here, where the worst that can happen is some old codger tells him off, rather than in Battersea, where you might get shot for looking at the wrong person a bit funny.

Exactly Edam! I used to be able to look out of my bedroom window and see the market being set up!! As a teacher in Brixton (must tread carefully here), because of the big mix that you have spoken about, the intake in inner-London school will always be mixed aswell. It is harder to make sure that your child is mixing with people (families and children) that you think will be a positive influence in years to come. DP has never had a police caution, but he seems to have escaped the trap by the skin of his teeth. He is in the position where he feels that he is still friends with the people he grew up with and cannot turn his back with such alot of history etc, but we could not guaruntee that all of our children will be able to walk this path successfully. DP is under strict instructions not to give his old friends our new address etc. I dont want DS to have to make a break in the same way unless he chooses to.

Also, a little point of interest regarding So Solid. This same ex was/is good friends with some of the members (apparently...I never met them). Since the halt of their careers(?), some of them have felt it neccessary to run a 'porridge kitchen', taking phone orders and delivering (by bike) to the various people hanging around on the streets. Its this level of unemployment and therefore poverty that exacerbates (or causes?) alot of the inner-london problems. IMO. PS hope Im not libelous or whatever!!

Agree that I'd rather that the most lethal wepeon (soory sp!) that DS came across in his life was a pitchfork (tee hee)

Anyway, got to pop off to bed...Its all this country air!!!

Well, thank God your dp got out. I'd lived in inner London for 10 years when we moved to Battersea so thought nothing much fazed me, but Winstanley estate was genuinely scary.

The really bizarre thing is when we put our house on the market the estate agents said 'oh, those houses are really easy to sell, they are so popular' and we got an asking price offer from the very first person through the door - and another from the same day! (We didn't buy it from the council direct, had already been done under right to buy when we got it, so no pangs of guilt about taking council housing away from deserving tenants).

we moved so that the children would not have to go to the catchment school. After seeing what some of the teachers say here I wanted to be sure my children were in a good school. Didn't help that someone I met from the local drug advice service told me it was where most of her clients came from.

I regret not moving sooner - your children will have more friends first year at secondary if you move when they start primary. You will also find it easier to settle if you are younger and have young children. You will make friends with their parents at the swimmming classes, birthday parties and so on.

My husband hates the move because our previous home was ideal for him but it was move or divorce.

Lasvegas you need to find a way of getting some of what you want in life. What do you miss most then you can try and reclaim it? We now have people who will take the youngest for a sleepover and the oldest can come with us to our choice of music/ theatre and sit playing with her game boy if she hates it As they get older you can get your life back, if your desires haven't changed

lasvegas, hesitate to tell you this, but I will.. some good friends of ours moved to Chislehurst a couple of years ago. And then moved out again and back to their old neighbourhood.

They have a son at the same primary school as my sons and thought Chislehurst would be a better place for him to grow up, rather than the Shooters Hill/Plumstead area where we live. They bought a house in a leafy suburban road, but found they were living next to drug dealers and the road housed various other undesirable elements. Over the two years they were there, they got the impression the area was full of criminal activity of one sort or another and there was a very active teenage drug scene. This is also my husband's opinion as well. He says it is the place many south east London criminals aspire to live - he has friends (not criminal ones!) who have lived in Chislehurst all their lives and that's what they have told him.

I have no inside knowledge of the area myself - but all I have heard makes me feel appearances are deceptive. Hope some inhabitants of Chislehurst can give you a better view of the area!

We did exactly the same but to Essex and then this year moved to Italy for exactly the same reasons. I have never regreted our choice and my family have benefitted from it greatly particuarly our last move.

For anyone thinking of moving to the countryside for the sake of your kids I just wanted to tell you my experience of growing up in the countryside. BORING BORING BORING!!!!

I know a lot of people who think it is idylic and the kids will love the cows and the sheep etc... but people forget that children need stimulation. Something a city can provide easily. 3 out of 4 of my siblings all moved away from the countryside at the first opportunity and have all moved to cities. I know lots of old friends who did the same.

Most of the children born in rural areas will probably have to leave home, go to a city, to attend university or get employment. Not all will I'm sure and some children will be very suited to a rural life but I just wanted people to know that there is a flipside to the rural life.

Eaney - how far away from the city were you when you were growing up? The village we are thinking of living in is about a 10 minute drive from a city - I was hoping this would mean we felt less isolated and would easily be withing reach of stimulating things .

I'm having major second thoughts about moving away from London now - I really love living here.

Pollyanna, that sounds like a good compromise, speaking as someone who grew up in the depths of the countryside. But make sure you can get to the city by public transport - when your kids are teenagers they will want to get there under their own steam.

Dh lived in very boring country area as a kid - passed his driving test practically the moment he reached 17 he was so desperate to get out! But that's not what I'd call real countryside, more a place where people commute to London - no pub, no shop, no nothing and can't even walk to one due to very busy road with no pavements.

I was about 50 miles from a city with no public transport links to speak of. About 5 miles from the nearest small town. Agree that if you are a reasonable transportable distance from a city or a big town you will have a compromise that could work.

I was raised in a rural environment, at times it can be very boring for a child, but also the countryside is full of hidden treasures and adventure for a child who is encouraged to find them. I left the country for the city to study further and have been lucky enough to have had the best of both worlds. I am however a true believer that your life is what you make it, no-matter where you are!