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Original poster

Don't you just love childless friends' theories about childrearing?

57 replies

emkana · 10/10/2005 20:47

Male friend at weekend:
"The secret to having a calm, relaxed baby is not to be so stressed and uptight during pregnancy and early babyhood. Basically, you bring a cry-baby upon yourself."

OP posts:
Caligula · 10/10/2005 21:57

The ones who make me really larf are those whose kids are all grown up now and they've re-interpreted the past as a never-never land of harmony, obedience and domestic bliss. Their kids never had tantrums, their kids never ate junk food, they were never bullies or bullied, they never got drunk, they never swore, they never played truant, they never took drugs, they never contradicted Mum ... and do you know why? Because they smacked them/ didn't smack them (take your pick), and that's where you're going wrong... and they didn't need Supernanny and Little Angels in their day, Dr Spock/ Penelope Leach (take your pick) was quite sufficient thank you very much...

TinyGang · 10/10/2005 22:04

Or people with only one child that just do not get the fact that with three children your choices become seriously limited and that you are forced to compromise sometimes even though you don't want to.

ladymooofspooksville · 10/10/2005 22:12

OK, embarrassing confession here...

Pre-kids I was discussing with another childless friend about what sort of mothers we thought we would be. She expressed doubts about how she would cope with sleep deprivation, and whether she had the patience to stay calm. I said I would be OK as I had looked after my sick cat for...wait for it....two whole nights (after which the vet put him to sleep - not really an option with a baby). I really thought 2 nights of sleep deprivation was adequate preparation for motherhood

bubble99 · 10/10/2005 22:15

I got dissed by an old bat in Waitrose the other day (bloomin' place is full of them.) DS2 had a shopping basket on his head and was doing a Darth Vadar voice. Dessicated old bag started sucking her (false) teeth and nudging her husband. I took great pleasure in saying that I supposed nanny had done a really good job bringing hers up.

ladymooofspooksville · 10/10/2005 22:17

Blimey, bubble, what an excellent idea - I'll suggest that next time my two get bored in Tesco (I'm not posh enough for Waitrose).

The Darth Vader thing - not getting dissed by an old lady.

bubble99 · 10/10/2005 22:17

And it was obvious that her husband couldn't stand her either. Lionel Blair look-a-likey. Not the marrying kind, but from an era when he had to 'do the right thing.'

TinyGang · 10/10/2005 22:20

Agree - Darth Vader impressions with a basket - mine would be in awe of that little idea! (Probably not for Bubble though trying to do her shopping too)

I ignore stupid people and stupid comments - they know nothing.

Tortington · 11/10/2005 02:07

i had a woman tell that she was thinking about having children and was questioning me about mine - i was pissed btw. she went on about how she looked after her neices and it didnt seem that hard.

so i told her to imagine popping a melon from her punani and having PND for two years and a fella moaning becuase you havent had sex for6 weeks becuase of melon passing.

she was a nice woman but i just kept laughing

Chandra · 11/10/2005 03:17

Argh, my SIL! "I think you are doing everything wrong, if XXXX (DS) don't want to eat force his mouth open and shove the food in, otherwise a good smacking will sort him out" (DS was then 18m old, and still the woman got offended because we didn't choose her as DS's godmother! )

HondaDream · 11/10/2005 08:10

this reminds me of a conversation with childless friend who was convinved that after giving birth she would have sex with her husband one week later so he wouldn't feel left out...... on the contry I said but she had read in a magazine that you could do it LOL She is still childless and husband/BFless 7 years later.....

stitch · 11/10/2005 08:15

my friend with one child being very impressed by ds2 chaninging his own clothes for swimming at just under four years old.
when, when you have three, you cant faff around doing everything for them. can you.

bobbybob · 11/10/2005 08:18

I remember a lot of mumsnetters telling me that ds would get separation anxiety - he would, he would, I just had to wait. And do you know he never ever did. But I was probably lucky to be correct in my smugness and I've tried not to do it since.

Firefox · 11/10/2005 08:38

Recently I had a childless couple over to dinner and they stayed overnight. We were all up drinking until 2am. Of course dh and I were up at 7am with the kids, childless couple only got out of bed at 11am. After they left in the afternoon, spent the rest of the day running around the house and clearing up. The next day, childless couple tell me that they felt really tired after the weekend

buffytheharpsichordcarrier · 11/10/2005 08:46

Chandra at your SIL. evil cow.
I must say it is a source of constant amusement to me to hear the comments at antenatal classes: e.g. oh it won't change my life, the baby will sleep from (x) to (y) and follow this routine, I will never let them watch tv/have a dummy/sleep in my bed, I work long hours so I am used to lack of sleep (hahahahaha), I get eczema (?) so I'm used to pain so labour shouldn't be a problem.
I just allow myself a certain amount of wry smiling.

Nightynight · 11/10/2005 09:13

A childless ex-colleague told me recently that she agrees with the Scientology views on childbirth....

NotQuiteCockney · 11/10/2005 09:21

I think it's perfectly understandable for childless people to have these sorts of views, it's sharing them, particularly in a pointed sort of way, that seems rude.

My neighbour is a permanent Peter Pan sort of chap. One of his on-again-off-again girlfriends is completely mad. She was asking me once what having kids was like, and I tried to convey a bit of it, about routine and being tied down. She said breezily, "oh, I'm already very structured. I don't think kids would change my life much." Er, ok. I really fear the idea of her having kids, particularly with my feckless neighbour.

Chandra · 11/10/2005 13:13

A pregnant woman expecting twins: "I am so willing for them to be born and have a good rest, I'm so tired of working so much as a manager"

My undiplomatic DH: "Oh, don't worry! once the babies are born you will feel like paying to do something as "relaxing" as your job"

----
Another DH's colleague whose wife is also pregnant: "I understand that having children changes your life in someways, for example, you can't sleep late anymore as young children wake up at 8:30"

DH: Ahh, 8:30! that's what I call sleeping late!

bosscat · 11/10/2005 13:31

my old boss "you don't need to go part time, work from home and put the baby in a moses basket next to you whilst you work"

Yeah, it works like that doesn't it?

ssd · 11/10/2005 13:36

My friend told me I wasn't bringing up my kids properly as they don't sleep all night through!!

She's pregnant and I'm saving that one .

When I was heavily pg with ds1 I had wind in one side and asked my sister if that's what labour was like - she laughed at me.......!

Bugsy2 · 11/10/2005 13:49

OMG, yes!!!!! Opinionated childless friends and relatives are soooooooooo annoying. My siblings both childless are irritating beyond my wildest imaginings. Can't wait until they have their own and I can be smug and "told you so" about everything [evil grin emoticon]

MiladyMarsLady · 11/10/2005 13:50

answer to OP.... yes!

My childless sister was telling me where I was going wrong just the other day. lmao

She is young..... she will learn!

jane313 · 11/10/2005 14:01

a mother I met when our children were a few months old said the same thing. Basically she said her son was good and easy going as she was so laid back and calm with him. (ie she was a fabulous mother). I just laughed at her because my son was pretty much like that and I was a screaming harriden for the first few months and I saw very calm mothers with babies who cried for hours on end

sweetkitty · 11/10/2005 14:09

One childless friend is desperate to have a baby so she can leave work as she is fed up of it. She and her DP are thinking of starting up their own business as she can work there and the baby can be in a moses basket in the next room!!! She wants to have a baby so she can dress it in cute outfits from Next. (They don't look so cute covered in poo, wee, snot and brown banana stains though).

People of my mothers generation (and my other in particular) annoy me more with their "well we had terry nappies, no automatic washing machine or dishwasher, couldn't bung them in a nursery and go out to work, bottle fed as we were told it was best, smoked, gave cows milk and weaned at 6 weeks" quotes drives me mad!

Donbean · 11/10/2005 14:12

My 2 year old was demanding that he touch the dark the other day..."my hold it..."were his words. I explained that you cant..
A friend said to me ACTUAL WORDS: "just say to him, the dark just isnt tangible therefore no, you cant touch it"
I laughed out loud....she was offended...face...bothered?

hester · 11/10/2005 14:14

Well, I'm 39 weeks pregnant and nothing/nobody is going to stop me enjoying these last few days of being able to criticise everybody else's parenting

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