Treating children differently.

[Angeliz]

Following on from Jimjams thread, there seemed to be a theme of how mums treat grown up children differently. i didn't want to hijack and it's not about Jimjams original point so started a new thread as am really interested and maybe would make me less bitter to find out it's not just me.

I have 2 girls(4 and 7 months), my sister has 2 boys3 + 4). She works 2 mornings a week during which time my mam has the boys.
From the word go though she's chose to have them 4-5 days a week, takes sister shopping every Saturday, picks boys up from School....
I on the other hand get no help AT ALL.
When dd2 was 2 weeks old, dd1 had 3 weeks off School and dp works away alot and my mam never had dd1 once, she constantly goes on about 'the boys' and says 'if your sister had a partner like yours she'd be o.k'. Yes, my dp is great but he IS away for 3 days a week and when he's here he works usually till 6 anyway. The other day my mam said, 'oh now you've lots of time on your hands you can make me a lasagne', and last year at a funeral my dad was heartily embarrased when he had to tell his old friend i 'did nothing all day'!!
One of her top comments was when we'd invited them to a BBQ when my dd1 was 3. My sister dropped out my mam said 'oh there's no point me coming if the kids aren't there!', i said 'MY kid will be there and she just laughed.

Ironically she has dd2 at the moment for 2 hours (4th time in 7 months!). I get on great with my mam but have told dp if i do that with the girls when they're older to slap me!

SO, there's my rant, are you 'even' with siblings?

BTW, i cope just fine though i say so myself, don't need her help, it's just the different treatment that irritates me!

Me too!
My mum has both of my sisters kids. DN is 2 and Dnephew is 3. She even had dn to live with her for 5 months while ds was working abroad.
She has dnephew every week and in between and has never ever looked after ds and has never ever asked to see him or to look after him or take him any where.
She has even rang me to ask me to have dn & dnephew for her while she has an appointment some where.
Its annoying isnt it.

Angeliz @ 'oh there's no point me coming if the kids aren't there!'

so ed on your behalf Angeliz
It's a bit like that in my family. My sister (9 years older than me) gave my parents the cot and pushchair once they were finished with until her 3 siblings might need them. My mum completely bypassed the fact that my brother had had a baby and gave the cot to my other sister (2 years older than me) There are other examples too... like how she bought a car seat and highchair to use at my parents house for my sister's ds but not for my brother's dd...

it's awful isn't it?
Actually when dd was 2 dp was away and she has a consultation about her toes (curly toes). I found out she needed an operation and was quite worried and went round my mams house.
She said honestly, "tut ahh that's awful, sorry i can't stay your sister needs nappies!" and left!

Donbean, it's bloody infuriating!

Sometimes I think that the way your parents treated you when you were a child spills over into adulthood. I was (virtually!) no trouble growing up, worked hard at school, was hardly ever in trouble. went to uni, got a job, husband, house etc and so my parents treat me as 'the capable one' which I suppose I am - my brother on the other hand has been hard work from the start - and at 32, still is!! so he gets lots of help & support. He doesn't have children though, so with my pushing I make sure my dd's get to see them lots. Inequality does grate though and no matter how hard you try to a 'grown up' about it.......

don't start me on this

it is a very sore point at the moment as we are moving and really really need the help....

i am the 'capable' one too.

Lucyfercat, i think you could be right there.
The sister i'm talkng about actually left home at 16 and they didn't see her for 10 years so it's constant walking on eggshells around her.
My other sister just treats everyone like shit, her self confessed motto is 'look after number 1 and f* the rest', and has always been favourite and only has to turn on the tears still to get her own way.
I on the other hand am bloody perfect( - obviously not but for the most part pretty stable) and it's always been the way that i'll always be alright.I suppose i prove them right by never asking for help.

My parents are great but my ILs do this to DH. He is the 'capable' one and he likes that but it annoys me that his parents bend over backwards to help his brother and sister and their children and yet when we ask a favour its such a big deal.

They also always spend less on my two at christmas and birthdays. I know that shouldn't matter and my children certainly don't realise but I just feel that its yet another reflection of the fact that my 2 are less important to them.

When my SIL's two were small my ILs bought both her children car seats for when they went out in their car. We had a big falling out when I said that dd (less than a year old then) could not go out in their car without a seat. The car seat that we had was a real pain to get in and out of the car so they couldn't use that. Apparently the ones that they had bought for SIL's two had fallen apart and they were most put out to have to buy a new one.