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Original poster

Eeek! - I've quit work

21 replies

handlemecarefully · 04/10/2005 09:46

...to spend more time with the children (1 and 3). My last working day will be 21 December. Resignation letter slipped under boss' door this morning.

It's certainly the right thing to do in our case (Note to others - not saying it is right for everyone!), but I am now feeling very apprehensive.

I?m scared of not working from the point of view of being wholly financially dependent upon dh. I?m feeling like he is now my meals ticket, and that I have to work at keeping him sweet like some parody of a 1950?s housewife, who greets him at the door wearing a winning smile and not much else under her pinny and has warmed his slippers and run his bath.

(Note to others - I'm not saying that I see other SAHMS in this way) This is irrational I realise, because as a SAHM my contribution will be as valid and worthwhile as his, and I also will have a job to do. I am just a bit stressed that it isn?t a paid one, and that he is bringing home all of the bacon. I suppose I?ll get use to the idea??

It's tough though since I've been working since I was 21 (now 37) and don't know anything else...

Not that I am questioning my decision, it's just that one worry....

OP posts:

Mum2girls · 04/10/2005 09:49

am jealous - often consider doing the same, but fear those feelings you're talking about....

Lonelywitch · 04/10/2005 09:49

Try to concentrate on the positives of what you are doing, eg the time and commitment you will be able to give to your children. It is not easy, I have to say. As someone who has been a SAHM for over nine years now, I still miss the sense of contributing to the household finances, and feeling part of the world of employment, but you have to block that from your mind a bit, and thnk about all that you are giving to your children.

oliveoil · 04/10/2005 09:49

Did you work f/t or p/t? I think our lives are twins!

I have same age children AND I dithered about working (still do) and thought the same thing about being reliant on dh 'what if I wanted some posh skincream, would he mind?' etc. He wouldn't, but you still think it.

Original poster

handlemecarefully · 04/10/2005 09:53

lonelywitch - you're right, I will have to focuss on what I am doing for the kids. The oldest doesn't like Nursery and it will be a relief to take her out of it. Nothing wrong with the Nursery - just not right for her.

Oliveoil - part time, 24 hours p.w.....but well paid though....

OP posts:

cerys · 04/10/2005 09:55

hmc, I am in the same boat. I finish at the end of this month to be at home with our 3 children, who are 5, 3 and nearly 1.
I am the same age as you and have worked in some capacity or another since I was 22, and I do feel anxious about not having my salary coming in every month. I have already had the comments about being a "lady of leisure" (yes, it's so relaxing in our house!)and "spending your husband's money" .
Like you, it is the right thing for me and for our family, but I also think I should have a sparkling clean house and tea on the table every night. DH doesn't think this at all, and he couldn't be more supportive, but I think I am setting unrealistic goals for myself.
Can't offer any practical advice, but thought it might help to know someone else is in the same boat!

oliveoil · 04/10/2005 09:56

I do 18 hours. I am well paid too seeing as though I do bog all .

I loved it on Maternity leave and was a bit sad to go back. Saw dd2 for 10 mins this morning and then she was off to granny . Then you get the tired and irritable end of the day with them, 5pm-7pm.

But somedays I love coming in. It is hard to strike a balance.

Original poster

handlemecarefully · 04/10/2005 10:44

cery's perhaps we should have a little mutual support network

lol oliveoil, I don't do a great deal at work either; I think because I switched off a while ago, and haven't wanted to be here for quite some time.

I am looking forward to not having to drag the children to the car at 7.30 on cold autumnal/ wintry mornings for a 40 minute drive to work (and day nursery). They don't appreciate it.

It will be so nice for them and for me to have a more leisurely slow paced start to the day....

OP posts:

TrickorTwiglett · 04/10/2005 10:45

congratulations .. it will be one of the best things you've ever done IME .. and you will soon get over the hump of money and contributions honestly you will

I did it 3 years ago

moondog · 04/10/2005 10:47

hmc..finished working 13 mths ago when pg with my second baby. No plans to do anything apart from a bit of freelance stuff and an MSc (2006).

I miss work and my colleagues but it is nice to be with my children and to know that I am available for them.

Enjoy your time off.

Gobbledispook · 04/10/2005 10:48

Wow hmc - didn't know you were thinking about it! I for one think it's a fantastic move, I've never regretted it.

Don't think about the financial reliance on dh - it shouldn't be like that in a marriage - your job is just as important as his, it's not your fault nobody pays you for it!!

iota · 04/10/2005 10:50

well done HMC - I hope that you've got broadband at home - -you'll need it. I baled out from work when my kids were 4 and 1 and haven't regretted it - mind you the big fat redundancy cheque helped assuage the feelings of losing my income

Original poster

handlemecarefully · 04/10/2005 10:55

Awww - thanks for the encouragement

OP posts:

cerys · 04/10/2005 10:58

hmc - yes, definitely up for the mutual support bit!
Oliveoil, re the skincream - I am worried about getting my highlights done, as that is the one thing I spend a lot of money on. I am pretty low maintenance otherwise! DH is always saying to put it on the joint credit card but I have always paid it with "my" money so far. I guess I have to think of everything as "ours" now. I know why I am like this, it's because my Dad and my exH had very Victorian views on men controlling the finances.

hermykne · 04/10/2005 11:05

Handlemecrefully
the way i look at my husbands monthly pay packet is that its higher than it would be if i was working because he gets my tax credits so therefore in a reverse thinking way!, i make a contribution to the income of the household by being at home. so its NOT ALL his money

spending just has to be rejigged and no casual purchases. i suppose i became much more aware of budgeting where possible,(no food in the fridge again - says husband- we're slimming - wife!) so there is more mone left over for "treats"

hermykne · 04/10/2005 11:07

cerys - highlights - a bliking fortune, i feel so guilty getting them done and strectch it for as long as possible wthout looking like a knacker -sorry no offense to anyone

LucyJones · 04/10/2005 11:07

hmc - you've done exactly what I did last April. It has worked out so well for us. Money has been tight but I've just taken on a Saturday job, only working 9-1 and it is ideal. Good luck

eefs · 04/10/2005 11:26

HMC - it's not like you are stopping work forever - at some point you may decide that the best thing for you would be to get paid employment again. Right now, the best thing for you and your family is for you to stay at home.

Your fears are of the unknown and of losing control - I could completely relate to that. Anyway, like hermykne pointed out, your DH's income will increase because of this move so you are still contributing financially in a way.
good luck

Amanda1 · 04/10/2005 11:38

Message withdrawn

lucysmum · 04/10/2005 12:45

and me ! I finish at the end of November to be a SAHM. I have 2 DDs age 5 and 2 and my job, although in theory 4 days a week is pretty full on - 7-7 most days plus evenings, very unpredictable as it is client based but also very well paid. I have been in this job since leaving uni and am 38 and have had enough !. I have a pretty strong work ethic and i keep thinking if other people can do this why not me - so am feeling in general pretty guilty - although all my family, work colleagues and clients have been so supportive. there is definitly still a view out there that a mother's place is in the home. My view is nothing is for ever and if i want to go back to work in a few year's time i can and i am lucky to be able to do this financially - a lot of people don't have the choice.

Dickers · 04/10/2005 12:58

Me too! I finish at the end of the month to look after my DSs (9 months and 3) I am 40 and have worked for 20 years. I'm with you on the highlights thing, I'm also a bit worried about my handbag habit!....although according to the Trinny & Susanna thread, I will need to get a nylon organiser handbag! I have also suddenly realised that I will need a whole new wardrobe of clothes, as I have been wearing a suit for 5 days a week - not quite sure how I'm going to pay for that either!

Original poster

handlemecarefully · 04/10/2005 13:26

Thanks for that comforting though hermykne about contributing to the household income!

Eefs I know it's not forever - you're right of course. But in my case it could be for quite some time since we hope to have a 3rd child in a year or two when I am ready...so it could be 5/6 years before I return to work.

Now I've handed in my notice I'm inpatient to start our new life - but have to serve 3 months notice period first! Hope it goes well for you too dickers and lucysmum.

Hi Amanda - email me with your news . Hope everything is okay with you...

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