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Original poster

I feel so confused and unhappy, and I am ashamed ...

21 replies

thirdbaby · 03/10/2005 15:43

... because I should be so happy: I wanted another baby, and I managed to get pregnant at the first attempt. But instead of being pleased I feel quite down - I just didn't think it would happen this quickly and I thought I would have a few months to "prepare" myself, as far as you can. With my other two it took several months to conceive, so this is what I was expecting this time. The silliest thing about this that my main gripe is that next weekend is now "spoilt" - it will be my first weekend without children since my first child was born, and now I won't be able to have a drink, which I am stupidly upset about.
I'm even questioning now if it was a good idea to go for a third child at all, as it will mean a lot of expense and upheaval... we'll have to build an extension, buy a bigger car...
I'm so unhappy at the moment and I can't talk to dh because he'll say "But that's what you wanted" which it was...
I really hope that my feelings will change soon, am I in any way normal or totally crazy?

OP posts:

pumpkinosaur · 03/10/2005 15:46

I'm sure you will be okay soon. I was a bit like you when I got pg with DS3 - it was kind of a snap decision by DH and me and then like you I got pregnant straight away - I'd arranged a girls' night out which I was really looking forward to and so of course that was totally spoilt - and yes, I was upset, just like you!

But I did start to feel better quite quickly and DS3 is absolutely absolutely wonderful. I've been very happy since I've had him. (Not having any more though!)

And now DS3 is 14 months and we're still in the throes of the cellar conversion!

misdee · 03/10/2005 15:48

u can have a drink just not an alcoholic one. some bars do some lovely non-alcoholic cocktails with fruit juices. i dont drink so love a fruity drink. i love the J20 drinks, especially the ornage and passionfruit, its like a reef but without the vodka.

Original poster

thirdbaby · 03/10/2005 15:55

Thank for your answers. I really, really hope that I'll start to feel different soon.

More encouraging answers much appreciated!

OP posts:

motherinferior · 03/10/2005 15:56

Have a glass of champagne. Hell, have two.

Original poster

thirdbaby · 03/10/2005 16:14

I probably will, motherinferior.

But it still won't be quite the night I had been looking forward to.

OP posts:

motherinferior · 03/10/2005 16:15

Oh I know, honey, I can imagine. But at least go for a nice couple of units.

merrygoround · 03/10/2005 16:20

It's fine to have mixed feelings! And although it is something you "wanted" there are losses as well as gains. You need time to adapt. Try not to beat yourself up, just accept all your feelings, positive and negative.

Cam · 03/10/2005 16:23

Just think, the not drinking isn't forever but the longed-for third baby is and remember it will whizz by.

Congratulations, by the way

Original poster

thirdbaby · 03/10/2005 16:33

Thanks everybody.

Is is actually a symptom of early pregnancy to feel emotional and tearful? Can't remember feeling like this with the other two, and I could normally kill dh when he suggests hormones as a reason for my distress , but in this case it would feel helpful to know that it's not me being crazy, but something I have no control over.

OP posts:

Cam · 03/10/2005 16:44

pg? emotional and tearful? Yep, its the hormones

KBear · 03/10/2005 18:38

Don't feel guilty. I remember being desperate to get pregnant and when I did I though "oh shit". Then gave up smoking that day (which didn't help with the mood swings). Told DH who said "wow" then "oh shit".

After a week, it sunk in, I told my mates who went crazy and all was well.

I think it's quite normal to feel the way you do. You'll adjust to the idea in no time and then you'll feel great.

And congratulations by the way!

Dropinthepotion · 03/10/2005 18:43

I think its a big step,going for a 3rd child,I really do-you are bound to feel sceptical and nervous-you are about to turn your world upside down-again!

Be brave!

aloha · 03/10/2005 18:45

Oh, I think this is totally normal. Both times I felt really shocked and ambivalent at first despite the pregnancies being very much planned and looked-forward-to. I suspect it is part genuine shock (it's mad - you have a baby in your tummy!) but mainly loony pregnancy hormones that make you all angry and strange. Agree with MI about the champagne. And something lovely to eat to make up for not getting plastered. And a lie in. And a civilised lunch. And maybe a nice walk around the shops and a treat or two. Just really grown up things.
Ooh, feel all now!

MusicLover · 03/10/2005 18:47

My hormones were all over the place when i was pg. I felt like I was a raving Jealous lunatic.
But I do know where your coming from about going out, letting your hair down & maybe wanting to get plastered (coz you can) Now all thats gone out of the window.
At the moment your feelings are negative & its hard to feel optomistic isnt it. Im sure the odd tipple will do no harm though.
This time next year you'll be wondering why you felt this way at all. Honestly!

Congrats anyway-hope you feel your self soon.

aloha · 03/10/2005 18:49

Oh yes, Congratulations! It's lovely, it really is. Babies are the best.

MusicLover · 03/10/2005 18:49

Feel your self!!! thats sounds rude
Yourself!

Psychobabble · 03/10/2005 20:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

thirdbaby · 03/10/2005 20:47

Thank you all again.
I truly don't know how I'd cope without MN sometimes. I couldn't really to talk to anyone in RL about this, so it's wonderful to have you lot to moan too!

OP posts:

dot1 · 03/10/2005 21:18

Hi - I felt just like this when I got pregnant with ds2 - and I'd been trying for nearly 2 years and really really wanted a baby!! I'm sure it's pregnancy hormones. I remember being pregnant on the night of the work's Christmas do, and feeling really pissed off that I couldn't get drunk (I must confess to having 1 cocktail and a glass of wine - much to the horror of my NHS colleagues...).

Cam · 04/10/2005 08:52

If it helps, 3rdbaby, I couldn't drink at my surprise 40th birthday party - they were more surprised than me when I announced why though [ugrin]

Lizzylou · 04/10/2005 08:57

3rdbaby...I felt exactly the same as you about 12 weeks ago (am now 18 weeks pg)! We decided to start trying, "cauight" straight away and then I had 2 hen weekends and 2 weddings (one where I was a bridesmaid) where I was drinking fruit juice not bubbly! I was gutted as I really wanted some time away from DH and DS and wanted to let my hair down, I actually had a fab time and loved being able to remember the other's embarrassing moments! I second Misdee's love of J20, it is my favourite at the moment and there is always lots of flavours to go for...
I think I felt all worried and resentful as I didn't expect to conceive straight away and it all happened so quickly..
Have a great weekend and a healthy pregnancy

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