My DP doesnt want anymore........

[regularplodder]

I have always pictured myself having 3 kids.

I really want another child (we have two). I dont know why i feel so greatly a need for a third child, but i feel it with the whole of my being.

The thought of not being pg ever again and never going thru labor ever again saddens me deeply. I KNOW there are plenty ttc and long for just one so i should be grateful etc etc, but i didnt expect to feel so sad about it.

His excuse is financial reasons and that if we ever wanted a family holiday to Disney we would never be able to afford it with 3 but could with 2. (Cant see it would make much difference personally but then thats because i want another one!).

I feel so sad about it.

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regularplodder ... I know how you feel.
I don't 6really truly^ want another because I agree with my DH re. lifestyle and holidays and costs etc ...
I don't particularly want to be pregnant again either.
But the thought of never having another baby is too awful to contemplate.
I am 35 and don't feel I have too much time to faff around making the decision so we have decided to make a final decision by xmas.
Part of me wants to 'have an accident' so the decision is taken from me ... but to have that 'accident' I would have to try very hard IYSWIM?
So, my head tells me that DH is right, but my heart can't accept it ... is that how you feel?

Im 29 and he is 35 socci so plenty of time in that respect. He always wanted quite a big family. Its only since we had our first he decided he only wanted 1 after she was born (never knew if he was joking tbh). Felt like he was a little reluctant to have our 2nd so soon.

I do feel some of that ghosty.

I dont know if he is just being his usual worry merchant self thats the problem. He always over worries about everything - especially money. (Which is my fault because money always burnt a hole in his pocket until he met me ). He is the sort of person who will never make a decision either way because he is too worried about the consequences of both decisions IYSWIM.

What makes me unsure is that since DS was born earlier this year we havent been using any contraceptives (I told him the b/fding wasnt a reliable one). All of a sudden though, he has gone out and bought some him condoms.

I think thats whats thrown me. When we spoke about it later (after ending up not using contraceptives again) i told him i felt sad and he didnt really say anything much except "it used to be you who only wanted one and me who wanted four".

I know how you feel I have 2 but always thought about having another in a few years, but dp has put his foot down and said he doesn't want to be bringing up kids for the rest of his life (we are 24). I see his point greatly as we have had our kids young and he wants us to enjoy our time together when our 2 grow up a bit, but the thought of this deeply saddens me, yesterday we were at a car boot sale and he said we really should sell the pram and get some money back for it before it gets a bit dated like these ones pointing to the prams that were for sale, I just could'nt answer him, and I tried to change the subject, I wrapped the pram carefully last year to be stored and dp even put it up the loft, for future or for just incase but now he wants it to go.

Thats the other thing actually kidstrack - he pulled a load of DDs clothes out yesterday and decided they were too small for her and we should take to a charity shop.

When i said know he had a slight look so i just said - i want to keep for when my side of the family has kids. (His have already been there and done it).

RP - My DH was exactly the same after dd was born! This may be selfish, but I just told him I knew I wanted another baby and there was no way I could get used to the idea of never being pregnant again, or giving birth again, or coming home from hospital again with our precious new parcel. I told him he better get used to the idea coz I wasn't going to change my mind.

He knows I'm not talking about having a baby soon (dd is only 14mths old), but he is under no illusion that within 2 or 3 yrs I will be actively trying for another baby. He can just be quietly grateful that I'm going near him!

regularplodder - have you just recently had a baby? Dh and I decided on 2 children a long time ago. It took us much longer to have our 2nd (just 2 weeks ago!) than we'd planned and hoped. At one point we thought dd1 was destined to be an only child, so I know I should feel blessed that we have managed to have another gorgeous dd.

Now that I have just had a new baby, I feel some sadness that it is my last and that I'll never be pregnant and give birth again. AND I had a terrible pregnancy AND a somewhat disappointing labour and delivery.

I believe it's just my hormones at play and that as dd2 gets older I'll go back to thinking practically and be happy to get on with the business of our family growing up. I realise not everyone goes through this and your desire for a 3rd may be much more genuine and heartfelt than mine. For me I think it's missing the status of being pregnant and the unique specialness (is that a word?!) of meeting your newborn baby for the first time.

It sounds like you have plenty of time to wait and that you don't have to make a hasty decision. At least your dh's contraceptive use is temporary... in a few years you might feel differently or he might feel differently.

I said to dp a while back that maybe we should hold on to the pram for his sister for when she has kids, she is 27 and his reply was that she won't have any or if she does his mum will buy a new one for her. I'm taking up childminding soon and I have our wedding coming up next year so I'm hoping that my mind will drift off to other thoughts and keep me occupied so that I'm not constantly longing for something that I can't have, and I also keep telling myself I have 2 gorgeous kids that are loved and wanted and that there are many couples out there who long for what we have, therefore I need to focus on them and stop wanting something for myself that I have already expierenced and loved every minute of it!

I could have written exactly what ghosty has written! I have 2 dds but the thought of NOT having another one is scary and quite depressing. I actually know that it would make our lives much more difficult (and therefore less time/money etc. for the two children we already have). My dh insists that two adults/two children as opposed to two adults/three children is much easier. I probably agree.

We have been a bit careless this weekend and now the thought of being pg scares me s**tless! I find having two difficult enough but the thought of NEVER having another one seems so final. btw dh wants a vacetomy.

I'd leave it a while, kids. You're still pretty young yet.

I think humans have a strong biological urge to reproduce as much as possible and these urges certainly are a factor.

DH is only 27, but he feels strongly that he only wants 2 children. Luckily I agree. Whilst it can be a sad feeling once this one (no. 2) is born and we start clearing out all the baby stuff, we both look at the positives as well, as we have other, career goals to pursue. For example, DH is training to be a driving instructor and looking forward to developing in this role.

Also, we look forward to doing things we enjoy as a family once the kids are no longer babies - both of us love hillwalking, climbing and camping.

I'm also looking forward to having my body back for good and getting back to the level of fitness I once enjoyed and to spending more time w/DH on our own.

There are some good milestones in our future to look forward to as our two mature - when they're old enough to stay w/a babysitter and DH and I can go out on our own, when they can fix their own breakfast and we can have a lie in, etc.

Try thinking of some positives and focusing on those for a while and seeing how it all goes.

Can I join the gang? Just like Ghosty says for me too, and Beatie - god I was sooooooo broody when DD2 was just born (she is almost 6months now and it isn't so bad but still there).

Can't bear the thought of NEVER having another tiny warm bundle. But for me I know we won't as DH had to be coerced into no1 (nevermind no2) and so I think it is only fair to respect his wishes now. An accident though, now wouldn't that be a happy, happy day - funnily enough, when we were, ahem , not really trying for DD2 but not taking any precautions either, the day DH went off to buy himself some condoms was the day I sat him down and told him we needed to buy something else in the chemist, ie a test. Luckily for us (as his mind had obviously turned to preventative measures), it was positive He is thrilled with bith the DDs but does miss his freedom. He has informed me if a third is mentioned again he is buying a one way ticket to SOuth America...

RP, at least you have plenty of time, and I do suspect your DH may yet change his mind, as he was previously keen. Don't push it for now and see how you both feel again in a year or so.

Good luck.

bith? both

That's exactly how I feel EIS. I feel pretty sure the biological urge to reproduce more will fade and I'll once again look forward to all the other positives that will come from our family growing up.

I have the opposite problem in that DH seems to be keen to go on to have a 3rd.... is that his newborn hormones kicking in too?

My 2nd was born 6 mths ago and i still feel that i want a third even though the firs 16 weeks were incredibly difficult, he didnt sleep, had terrible colic and my first child descended into the terrible twos with a vengeance. Although i would hate for it to be that way again i still feel i want one more.

My DP has said regularly since 2nd was born that he is going to book a vasectomy. Again, dont know if he is joking but he has said that i wouldnt know if he did anyway because it only takes a week or two to heal and i dont go near him that often!

oops, didn't realise about the vasectomy. That's drastic.

Don't know what to advise now. Sorry

(bet he is only joking though)

i know how you all feel i obviously have 3, but feel very sad knowing i can't have another ever. I have been told never to do it again by the drs and my dd3 was very ill and a premmie so it was traumatic but all i can think about is a baby! And dd3 is only 21mths. I feel so sad. but my dd1 is now 10 so at least i have only about 15 years to wait for grandchildren!

regular plodder - I personally dont thing 3 costs that much more - you dont need extra toys, you get to recycle lots of clother - we have a few really nice unisex ones as well - and not the really obvious ones either ( not expensive just bought with three uses in mind. I think personally actully taking the plunge to start trying for three is more of an obstacle - all around people often naturally talk of two - but in my case rarely did I hear anything other than you must be mad which even if you want three is unsettling. We started out wanting three then when we had two go bogged down with thinking about about three and kind of got cold feet then it happened - not planned but def wanted and we would not go back for all the world. Having two has been a much bigger learning curve and drain on resources imo.

mum to 3 i feel the same would love 4 but had a little scare with 3 and am scared that I would be pushing my luck to have 4. we have decided we can always adopt in a couple of years time if the urge is still there.