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Original poster

dd1 doesnt want me going to see peter at the weekends and

32 replies

misdee · 02/10/2005 20:48

doesnt want to go herself. what do i do? she went on friday after school, and refused to go yesterday and today. yesterday i stayed at hoem with her and dd3, whilst dd2 went with grandma to the hospital. today dd1 refused to go again, and tried to keep me away as well. she was in tears.

OP posts:
doormat · 02/10/2005 20:49

misdee has she seen something that has disturbed ie a needle or something

Original poster
misdee · 02/10/2005 20:50

if only. she has seen LVADs, scars, blood being taken, IV's being set up, drips, urine collection bottles, i think she has seen it all. she has been very unsettled the last month since starting back at school.

OP posts:
Frizbe · 02/10/2005 20:53

Aww bless Misdee, I don't know how old dd1 is, but I'm guessing mortality is hitting home....if she won't talk to you about it properly, do you think some counciling would help her?

doormat · 02/10/2005 20:53

ikwym I have a ds with sn and the kids have seen some procedures that are not nice but have to be done
is something troubling her at school-is she especially clingy since school
btw how is the driving going

KBear · 02/10/2005 20:53

She is probably feeling a little insecure that maybe something might happen to you. You have good days and bad days yourself misdee, you know sometimes you're hopeful and strong and then you're down and feeling like you can't go on. Perhaps it's just that - a blip in the strength she's shown so far.

It must be so hard for a child to cope with but you're doing the best you can, you can't protect her from this unfortunately.

How old is she? About 6/7?

Mum2OneAndBump · 02/10/2005 20:54

I would respect her wish for a while and not make her go, but i would explain that mummy needs to go and see daddy otherwise daddy may get upset, or something along those lines.

JoPG · 02/10/2005 20:55

How old is DD1?

It's really not exactly the same, but I know that when my DH has worked away for a week or a fortnight then DS1 (age 4) really misses him and wants to see him, but then goes all strange when he does see him. I can't really explain it, it's like he misses him so much that he doesn't really know how to handle it when he sees him.

Perhaps your daughter feels similar, perhaps she is a bit embarassed at showing her feelings of missing her dad and so covers it up by avoiding the situation?

It is so hard to get inside their heads and work out what they are thinking, isn't it??

Original poster
misdee · 02/10/2005 20:58

she is 5. i worry that she has overheard something at the hospital, she has become very interested in things that keep the heart healthy, and she does worry. i have told her teacher she is worried about school as well, but i cant cope with a sobbing 5yr old each night. it sounds awful, but i am trying so hard to keep it all toether for the kids sake, and when dd1 starts sobbing it breaks me so much, and i just want to run away from all this, and keep them safe from being hurt.
dd2 woke up the other morning andfor the 1st time asked 'wheres daddy?'. dd2 is 3.

OP posts:
hermykne · 02/10/2005 20:59

what support have yu for the children misdee? are there councillors for yur situation.
seems loike they are so anxious afriad abd probably dont understand how to cmomunicate their worry and your mum and if they tell mum she might nt come back.

Original poster
misdee · 02/10/2005 21:00

i have to see Gp this week to arrange councelling for the kids. its so much for them all to bear.

OP posts:
Octobernow · 02/10/2005 21:01

Oh, bless her. She must find it all really hard to understand. I agree that you shouldn't make her go for a week or two, but don't stay away yourself if possible. Is there someone she can be with while you are visiting? Maybe ask her teacher if she can spare some time to find out exactly what is troubling her?

Octobernow · 02/10/2005 21:03

posts xd. It will help them all to talk about it to someone else. I bet your dd1 does not want to worry you but she does sound scared.

Original poster
misdee · 02/10/2005 21:06

i try to go up during school hours during the week ayway, so as to not upset the kids daily rutines too much. but we have been up at least one day over the weekend usually, but dd1 doesnt want me to go either. and i cant not go IYSWIM. She doesnt want to be left with anyone else, tho persuaded her today with the promise of helping uncle david with his new PS2 games.

OP posts:
ScummyMummy · 02/10/2005 21:08

Oh hon. It sounds so difficult. I guess all you can do is respect her feelings and keep on being very supportive but make it clear that she can't control your movements- you have to go and see daddy even if that upsets her. Is there a children's room at the hospital or anything like that?

Posey · 02/10/2005 21:09

My dd was 4 when her daddy was in hospital with a heart condition. She point blank refused to visit after the first day or 2. We never forced it. Much as dh was desperate to see her he understood. We took it in turns, me and the in-laws, to visit. Dd was pretty traumatised by the whole experience. We just kept talking as I'm sure you do. I was very open and honest with her which helps as you know doubt know.

Nearly 5 years down the line she is very matter of fact about it all, oh daddy's off to the cardiology clinic. She doesn't panic any more. We have kept talking.

I haven't posted much on your threads before but have kept a bit of an eye on them. You've all been in my thoughts a lot.

Original poster
misdee · 02/10/2005 21:10

not that i have seen. this is just so hard. she has suffered tummy aches the last few weekends which i believe are linked to stress/depression in her, as physically there is nothing wrong, slightly elevated temp, but thats all. gp has seen her, and can find nothing physcially wrong. so really dont want to push her into going. but need ways of coping.

OP posts:
Original poster
misdee · 02/10/2005 21:11

posey, can i ask whats wrong with your dh heart? feel so alone in this sometimes. this is so uinfair on the kids.

OP posts:
doormat · 02/10/2005 21:15

do you thinkthis may help?

JoPG · 02/10/2005 21:16

How is Peter with all this? i'm sure he is very upset.

Good idea not to force her to go, but it might be that the longer it is left the harder it will be for her to go. Def think you need to get some professional advice on this one, it is such an difficult situation and obviously very important that you handle it correctly.

Good luck with your visit to your GP, i hope it goes ok.

doormat · 02/10/2005 21:16

can someone please do this link for me
//www.walmart.com/catalog/product.do?product)id=461273
I am useless

Original poster
misdee · 02/10/2005 21:17

not sure. dd1 asks when Peter will be well enough to come home, and i cant tell her when. that whats upsetting me the most. kids need to know wats ahppening and when and i cant tell her

OP posts:
SherlockLGJ · 02/10/2005 21:19

Link for Doormat

But it didn't work

Original poster
misdee · 02/10/2005 21:21

link for myself

OP posts:
doormat · 02/10/2005 21:21

thanx sherlock will tryagainthis

doormat · 02/10/2005 21:22

it worked

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