Am I expecting too much, being selfish etc ??

[nutcracker]

Ok this may be long.

My dad is semi retired. He has his own buisness to do with classic cars but neither car is on the road at the mo so he isn't doing any jobs with them.

He is an excellant mechanic and builder and his skills are always in demand by friends and family.

We moved in here over a year ago now and when we did I asked him if he could put the wall back up that goes between our dinning and living room. He said yeah but that he didn't know when and made a joke about me not being a paying customer.
I have mentioned the wall several times since but it is becoming obvious that it's not going to get done.

Last week our brakes started to play up on our car. Rung my dad asking him if he could have a look as we were due to travel to blackpool on the friday and he basically said he was too busy doing tax returns/jobs for other people etc and then rung me back later to say he knew what the prob was and we could get it done quite cheaply at a garage.
We ended up going on the coach instead.

Have just rung him again to ask if he can come over with his trailer to pick something up for me. He has said he will but is making me feel like I shouldn't have asked.

It's true that we don't pay him when he does do jobs for us. The fact is we simply don't have the money. We pay for the materials and thats it.

At a family party the other week it became obvious to me that because I don't pay him anything I want doing is moved to the bottom of the list with the attitude of 'tough pay your way'.

If i could pay him, i would and he knows that but it's just not possible.

Am beginning to think I shouldn't ask for anymore favours at all as I'm obviously just being a pain in the ass.

Does he do stuff for other people free of charge, your brothers uncle aunties etc?

Erm brothers yes cos they live at home so they get their cars done for nothing.

Rest of the family no, he charges £55 a day, with the exception of my aunt who is a single parent, she gets her jobs done for free but like me is always the bottom of the list.

Hmmmmmmmmm could you buy him some beer or something to encourage him round to yours?

Nah he doesn't drink really. I do keep him in an endless supply of doughnuts, biscuits etc and cups of tea when he is here though and usually bug him a git of some sort after each job.

dh is very handy like this and it does get really annoying when people ask and ask for favours. The money's not really an issue - dh doesn't usally charge friends and family anyway, but there is a point when he starts to resent people who ask for favours a lot, especially those who only call to ask for favours or who never do anything for us.

I don't think you should stop asking him - since he's your dad, I guess he'd say if you were really pissing him off, but you might get a better "service" if you can do more favours for him - like, I don't know, inviting them round for dinner or something.

PS putting up a stud wall is really easy - a question of measuring the wood and putting it in the right place. You could do it yourself if you could rope someone in to help you.

lol nutty - I presume you meant buy him a gift, not bug him a git !!!

I think he should either say yes and do the job, or say no unless you pay me - saying yes then not doing it is the worst solution.

Thats the prob SP we don't know anyone else who could help dp do it. Dp is extremely non handy when it comes to DIY and cars and so there is no way i would let him do it alone.

We have invited him round for dinner before and he always says no.

LOL yeah i meant gift.

you could do it, I mean.

and anyway, what about those brothers?

LOL SP my brothers wouldn't have a clue, they can only just about manage to cook for themselves.

Since these are favours I don't think you have a right to get too upset about it really (I know you still might be though, not always logical is it?). Favours should be freely given - I'd feel uncomfortable about constantly asking my family for help. The odd thing, fine, but I wouldn't expect large things doing for nothing really, family or not. I don't know how it works in your family though, all families are different.

No I agree WWW and I always only ask if I am stuck and know that no one else can do it.

He did lay our floor when we moved in and the kids carpets so perhaps i am just being ungrateful.

Think it's the mood i'm in today.

He has just rung to say he has cleared the rest of his day so that he can come and collect the stuff i wanted and if I can't get hold of the woman today he'll come and do it tommorow evening.

Fell about 10 yrs old now for moaning about it .

NC, can you ask him whether he minds? Say you feel guilty because you can't afford to pay him and that you'd love to do something for/with him to say thank you. Tell him you're really grateful for what he does do for you, but understand that he's busy and you don't expect him to be your personal free mechanic and builder

How does your dad get on with your dp? I ask because my dad will do anything diy'ish to help my dh out but is reluctant to help out my sister's dh because he isn't too fond of him. If my sister asks for a bit of painting it gets done eventually whereas if dh or I are painting one of the kid's rooms for instance dad will ring up and offer to come round. Do you think your dad thinks your dp should do more?

Hmm he probably does think dp should do more yeah BUT he also knows that dp is crap with DIY and cars and so he knows that I don't like dp doing them cos it always ends up in a big mess.

I have told him that I would love to pay him if I could and i think he does know that I would do it if i had the money.

I really would love to be able to pay him too cos he always does a fantastic job.