Grrrrrrrr!!!

[Chloe55]

Sorry but I am going to rant! DH and I were discussing finances last night and after he had a long conversation with his sister he came to the conclusion that I am finishing work for maternity too early and that we can't afford for me to do that. I am bloody furious.

I planned to finish at xmas (so officially the 2nd Jan) giving me 6 weeks before baby is due. My reasons for this are:

1. I work fulltime and do not want to go straight from fulltime work in a job I despise to caring for my child and being tired.

2. I have no intentions on coming back to work here (work don't know that) so will be looking for work in veterinary nursing (what I am officially qualified in) after my maternity pay dwindles.

3. I will not be coming back to fulltime employment regardless so we will have to get used to a pay drop anyway.

4. I am on a shit wage anyway, I hate what I do so can't see that a few weeks is going to kill us on the cash front.

5. What if the baby comes early?

His sis worked right up until she dropped but she worked as a health visitor for the NHS, loves her job, good maternity package and intended to return there she also has her mother for childcare whilst she is working so I can see why she chose this route.

My DH is on a half decent wage and we will be saving in some respects as I won't be using much petrol and we are cutting back on certain luxuries we currently have so I think we will be ok but he is being so OTT about everything. Am I being out of order by finishing 6 weeks before hand?

This is my first child, I also have no idea how I am going to feel after the birth etc etc and neither does DH so we should be playing it by ear but sometimes I think DH thinks that I will be having the time of my life when our child comes along by putting my feet up and washing Trisha. I am well aware that this will not be the case hence wanting to get a bit of rest in before hand. I have had an exhausting pregnancy so far (I have been lucky in that the sickness passed a couple of months ago) but I am constantly knackered, as are most women I am sure, but DH just doesn't accept this sometimes. Don't get me wrong he is not a mean horrible person but I think he doesn't understand at times.

Please could all you mothers out there either give me some encouraging words or tell give me their experiences. Cheers

I dont think you are being unreasonable! This will be the last time for a long time that you will have any time to yourself, if you can jsut about afford it make the most of it. I also think you sil should keep her nose out.

You need to do what you think is best for yourself - this is definitely your time to be adamant about your feelings.
Take the time off, and remind dh that ANYTHING can happen during the last weeks of pregnancy (not that I want to frighten either of you, but all eventualities should be taken into account)
It's much more important for you to get the rest you need than to worry about losing extra money that you could seemingly do withou.

Oh, it's a shame you can't get hold of one of those empathy bellies and put it on dh! Then he might feel a bit more reasonable about you finishing work.

No, you're not out of order. Your dh could do with providing a bit more support and your and dh's situation, frankly, is nothing to do with sil.

I'm not telling you what to do/not do - just offering my first reactions to what you've posted:

The exhaustion that you've experienced so far may well ease up quite soon - that blooming phase they talk about.

Secondly, have you considered that your baby might turn up 2 weeks late - leaving you 8 weeks potentially home alone before delivery? I stopped work at 36 weeks, and spent 6 very boring, lonely, and slightly tearful weeks waiting for dd's arrival! You tend to get a bit jumpy about making plans to do anything interesting, just in case baby decides to change them. Obviously, in hindsight I think i might have worked a little longer - but what you do is your decision.

I definitely don't agree that your decision should be a purely financial one.

Hee hee I agree with the empathy belly! I am not sure if SIL has said anything tbh but I know that he has changed his mind about my leaving dates since talking to her so whther her story changed his mind or they have been discussing me.

Will reply here, so don't think I'm ingnoring you on the other thread

First of all, I'd like to say that 6 weeks off before sounds like heaven to me - what with my due date arguement last time, I was working right up until my due date - and since once DD was born they agreed with me, that meant I was working up to 40 weeks... I had 4 weeks off of being overdue, and I spent that time sleeping - not resting, I was too exhausted to get any extra rest to build up energy.

I did make things slightly easier by using my leave owed to me by making my last few weeks a mixture of days off and half days - if your DH is so worried, is there any way that you can do that for 2 weeks, and then have just 4 whole weeks off?

Ignore SIL - she probably bloomed and everything

Do all your adding up including everything - work out ALL your outgoings whilst you are at work (petrol, lunch, throw in some takeaways due to exhaustion for working late in pregnancy ), and work out what it will be with baby (takeaways probably will still happen a lot for the first few weeks, but you can conveniently forget them ).

Once its all done, compare the two then and see if he still agrees. Don't forget to remind him that with you off for 6 weeks that it cancels out as much takeaway need, and you don't have things like nappies included.

Oh... and surely you're gettting maternity pay too???

I totally see where you are coming from Turtle and would be in agreement with you if I actually liked my job, however, being here is sooooo depressing at the moment and I find myself tearful from this place! It was only meant to be a temp job until but turned into 18mths and then when I found out I was preggers I couldn't leave due to missing out on maternity. DH has also pointed out that I might be late too and that would mean less time with the baby until I have to return to work. But I think that I we could cope 3/4 weeks minus the maternity cash for the sake of my sanity!

Fair enough. Actually I was more than happy to finish work when I did at the time - I'd lost interest in it totally.

Have you got friends who are around in the day? That's where I went wrong - nobody to natter with! (didn't know about MN then, either )

Oh that's the other thing. I don't have the internet at home (or a landline) so have been slyly trying to convince DH to set up broadband so I can still come and 'see' you all! I think he has cottoned on that it is to come on here though and he already thinks we are all weird and you are all babysnatchers! I am trying to convince him that it is to go job hunting instead!

Flame - what you say makes a lot of sense, I will try and work out a table of pros and cons to to present to him because he thinks I am just being uncompromising.

It's a lifeline! An essential service! You'd be able to internet shop and everything - which is very handy if you're on a budget, and a godsend when you're too fat and tired to go and when your baby's ickle.

Chloe - I am 36 weeks pg. I had planned to work until now, but a couple of weeks ago I had to stop working as I was completely exhausted. I could get home and cook the tea, and was physically unable to do anything else for the evening (turns out I was anaemic). It wasn't so much the working but the 2.5hrs travelling everyday that did it for me.

Your body will tell you when it's time to stop and tbh sticking at a job you hate is a nightmare even when you are NOT pregnant so FWIW I would say stick to your guns and give up when YOU want. And BTW it's absolutely nothing to do with your SIL

Good luck
MB

As you see yourself,lots of ways to look at it.Worked until the dayfirst baby was born (left work when I went into labour) which on reflection was too late. Plus,having a baby was harder work than I ever realised.

With second,left for good at 29 weeks (for various reasons).That left me too much time to mope and for the pregnancy to drag on,which may be something you want to consider.

Men will never understand the toll that pregnancy takes on your body,however sympathetic they are.

Could you meet somewhere in the middle (37 weeks?)

And yes,MN essential for maternity leave and beyond and a lot bloody cheaper than a cappucino and s/wich out a few times a week!
I reckon MN saves us money!

Ooh yes - must have internet!!!

Internet shopping will save you money - the delivery cost cancels out the petrol... you can see how much you're spending so can't overspend so easily, it tells you if there are special offers on things that you'd normally miss, no having to take baby round shop, no buying things cos you're hungry and they look good.

Job hunting later on

Being able to look things up if you have baby concerns (not on MN of course ).

Tis essential.

Oooh - you can set up a site with all baby photos so that all the family can see them whenever you update