Big poo problems, help!

[Enchanted]

My DS has just turned 3 and we got to grips with the potty and the loo only weeks before his birthday. I felt like he was going to go to school in nappies!
He was doing great and then for the past couple of weeks he has started to have problems with his poo. He will hold it in for a day or two then when he can't hold it any longer he will go into the garden to do it ????????? he will then get us to come and see, it's not a secret.
When he starts to push he crosses one leg behind the other, it looks like he is trying to prevent it comming out. Quite often I will try to get him to the potty when I see this but he says "It's ok it's gone back in my bum" Sometimes when he has been pushing after his bath and has his bedtime nappy on, I check it, it's stained like the poo has come out and gone back in again.
We are so worried. We have never been fussy or negative about 'toilet' we always encourage him and he gets stars and lots of hugs.
Just before the problem started he went to play around one of his friends houses for a couple of hours whilst I went into work. I called not long after I got into my office to tell her (the boys mother) my office number. She seemed stressed and very flusted, she said my ds had poo'd himself and she was alright once she 'had managed to clean the trail from through the house' (the house is spottless and ordered, I don't know how she does it with a 3 year old) I thought that was more detail than she needed to give and I felt uneasy. I mentioned to a workmate that I didn't think I would let him play there again, I wasn't sure but I had a hunch that all wasn't well. DS didn't poo for another two days and thats when the problem started. I am driving myself mad thinking that maybe she was unkind to ds about his accident. Maybe I am being super sensitive and nothing at all happened but I certainly won't let him go there again.
I feel so worried about ds, I hate to think whats going on that he is having this problem, please help.......what can I do to help him.
Sorry about being so explicit but there's no polite way to talk about POO!

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Does he ever poo anywhere other than the garden? Could it be that the other mother made some remark like "Euwww! Get out into the garden!" and he now thinks it's the proper place to go?

i cant belive some people make a fuss over childrens toilet accidents. afterall its an accident. i would definatly ask this woman what she said to your son after his accident, maybe she put him out in the garden afterwards. my dd1 will not do a poo anywhere but her night time nappy, tho she has started doing the odd poo in the toilet, which she gets lots of praise for, but she has always done her poos at night.

Your dear little boy, it does sound as if he got a telling off from this woman. My son is also 3 and he will only do a poo in his pants or nappy. When I see him pushing, I put a nappy on him as pooy pants are the pits! He wil happily use his potty / toilet to wee but alot of children so seem to have an issue with pooing. Can you put a potty in the garden maybe? Then if he could use a potty al fresco he would be half way there.

It does sound as though this woman took the poo accident (which is what it was) a little too seriously and ds picked up on it - what a pernickity woman. It isn't going to change the situation if you speak to her, I would just avoid letting your ds play there again.

I think you have got to try and be as relaxed as possible about the whole thing, he may be noticing that you are getting worried - try and make a joke of it if possible if he poos in the garden again, and gently say that next time how about we try and get one in the potty? Hate to say this but what about bribery, a sweetie for the next one in the potty!

Another thought - have you tried him on the toilet at all, does he have an adaptor seat? And has he ever see you or your dh going to the loo?

Hope this encourages you but our ds has just turned 3.5 and up until a few weeks ago was still insisting on nappies for poos, I was dreading nursery school on 1st Oct, thinking I would be called in to change a smelly nappy, but he has cracked it! We were on holiday with his older cousins (5&6) and I had been telling him every time I changed his nappy that they went on the big toilet for poos and the nappies would have run out when we got back from holiday. I stuck to my word and started putting him on the toilet when he wanted to poo - it was a struggle for nearly 2 weeks, he would hold on for as long as he could, running about holding his bottom, and getting a bit upset about sitting on the loo when I rushed upstairs with him, but I was very gentle and calm with him, and said that his tummy would feel much better when he had been, and he said that it did, afterwards.
It was like a little switch went on in his head -one day he was doing the above, and literally the next day he took himself off to the loo and proudly pooed and called me to show me, and did another 3 the same day all by himself, I was so proud and gobsmacked at the same time!

Sorry for rambling, hope that helps!

PS, had to put this - was sooo proud of ds this afternoon - after only 3 weeks of being out of nappies for poos and the struggle we had to get him to use the toilet at home, he 'performed' in a public toilet in the park, no prompting from me!

Oh your poor ds. It does sound like the woman humiliated him in some way. We have made pooing into a whole game for my ds. He was toilet trained before he was two (his choice), so I have tried to be very relaxed about accidents. We always wave bye bye to his poo (and the toilet paper and the wee and the water....) after flushing the toilet. Sometimes we count the number of lumps produced. And I always listen attentively to, and express great interest in, the blow by blow descriptions of what, how much, etc. is coming out of his bottom.
Maybe you could try a few little "poo games" like these to make him less self concious about it again.

Does he ever see you or your DH poo ???? My DD initially was very distressed at pooing and would hold but then we all (including DS) made a big fuss (all smiles) about how we pooed in the toilet, DS even went back on potty to show... have you tried that ?
And one day she just did it and we have never seen her complain since.

Enchanted, just wondering - how's your little boy doing now?

What a stupid woman! God she should come to this house we have poo parcels everywhere.

Sounds like the two things were linked- hope he's forgotten about it now.

Does DS have any trouble going to the toilet? It doesn't hurt him or anything like that.
Do you have a dog? My very tactful!! MIL told DS1 that he was behaving like the dog when he had pooed himself. Boys go to the toilet. If he knew he wasn't going to make it to the loo he used to poo in the garden like the dog. After all the dog didn't get told off! Have you tried talking to DS and asking him why he does it? I know it sounds a little bizarre but talking it through with a 3 yeaar old often brings good results. Good luck Enchanted

Enchanted, I guess being cool about it and taking his lead is the only way to go.

The woman involved in the original incident may well have been the cause, by being negative, but otoh, it may not have been her as much as the accident itself iyswim. My ds needed a wee at his 1st playgroup session & the ladies were very slow on the uptake & by the time he'd got to the loo he couldn't hold on and weed himself, right there by the cubicle. I wasn't there, but my 2 have gone there so long, I feel sure they wouldn't have been unkind, and yet now he will not go to the toilet at all at playgroup. I even tried to take him & he was hysterical. (Now I keep the travel potty on me when I pick him up just in case he's bursting).

I guess with the garden pooing, you can either say something like well done for doing a poo, but next time how about you do it in the toilet? Or even put a potty in the garden & gradually encourage him back inside!