I was just reading another thread about being "friends" with people just because you have children of the same age. It made me think about my own circle of friends, which I am finding hard to handle since I had my first child. I was wondering whether other Mnetters had similar experiences?
I basically have a large number of "friends" of very varying ages and types. I seem to have collected tham over the years, though I'd say some of them have collected me - people who have come into an existing group of friends, I've been nice to them and then they have latched on to me and decided we are close mates. One person in particular is 23 years old (I'm 32) and I feel I have nothing in common with her except we do the same job (the age gap is only nine years but I find it too much - would she hang about with someone who was 14??), but she phones me up for long chats (about herself) and when I say I'm busy, she expects me to phone her back later in the evening. She even phones me up when she has nothing to say - just knows I'm a good conversationalist, can't really stand an awkward silence, so will fill it with a question about her "how's work?" or "how's the new house?"!!!!!
Before I had the baby, I enjoyed having a hectic social life, though on occasions it did stress me out and I would feel under pressure (once we had people to stay five weekends in a row and I felt I was on meltdown!)
Since I had the baby, I find I have less and less time (mentally and physically) for some of these people, but I find it hard to know how to sort the problem out. I'm aware this is the perfect time to sort it (with the excuse of a new baby) but I feel rude if I even forget a birthday card or refuse an invitation. And it's hard to know how to tell people who ring me at 6pm that it's "not a good time" because later in the evening will be no better - I want to relax, not plough through a list of calls I need to return so that I can listen to these people droning on and on and on......
Had a long chat with my husband about this last week. Having the phone unplugged is not the answer - they leave messages on callminder! He advised me to "work out who the important people are" with the implication that the others will "get the message when you don't return their calls". I've made a start by earmarking ten birthday cards I really don't need to send this year, but I feel so bad about not returning calls. I think it looks as though I'm not interested in them now that I've got "better things to do". The truth is, I was never really interested in some of them to begin with.
Anyone had a smiliar problem? How did you deal with it??