Partner has a younger brother (20) and a mother who has depended on her sons- especially my partner- for a big chunk of her adult life. She doesn't work and has depression and other health problems meaning she could only work part-time jobs. She doesn't take benefits of any kind. My partner coughs up most the money for the house, mortgage, bills, food with brother chipping in too. Currently mother fell behind in payments and her father said he'll help out until the new year.
Partner and I have discussed this at length and he knows this cannot go on as our child is due in May and both our salaries will need to go into our small family unit meaning none of it goes to the mother.
Problem 2 is that younger brother and mother are constantly feuding. Mother does not take on dominant parental role at all. Partner ends up in the midst of it also and then gets upset/frustrated/angry because his family will drift apart and he's the only solid thing that kind of keeps them together.
He has had many arguments with her about the state of the house (it is one big tip) and the feuding.
I have asked about support from the rest of the family but partner says mother doesn't bother with a lot of them and her sister she has fallen out with completely.
I don't know what to do except to calm partner down when these things boil up again. But I've told him that come May there'll be a child who'll be more dependant on us than a 40-something year old woman.
My family thinks he needs to decide and take a hard route which I don't think is right. I tell him to not let the feuding wind him up because there is nothing he can do but I have no advice on how to keep his family together which is what he wants and tries to strive for.
I have said to him that there are other members of your family too aka me and the child-in-making.
Not sure anymore what to do or what to say.