Help - tactful wording required

[Pagan]

I'm hopeless at this stuff and end up getting all muddled and saying the wrong thing.

We badly need a repair done to the rendering between ours and our neighbour's roof. There is some water ingress and I've already received a couple of quotes for around £800. I intend to go to our neighbour who is a lovely old lady to say that we really should get it fixed and split the cost. She also has a leaky downpipe which could also be affecting our side but it's her responsibility. I've hinted before that some things need looked at and that I'm more than willing to do all the donkey work and keep her informed. She did get some work done on another part of her roof but did nothing about the hugely obvious. However, she has more important things to worry about as she has recently been diagnosed as having cancer and receives treatment at hospital about 3 times a week. How do I tactfully put all this to her?

Pagan, does she have a relative who is helping with her care? Maybe you could raise the matter with them so as not to add to her list of worries atm? Or could you ask the tradesperson who calls to you to offer their services to her, and follow that up with a friendly visit and chat about helping her with the details and overseeing the work?
Would love to put some words together but have bear in the big blue house singing in my ear, sorry.

Phrase it like "We need to have this work done to prevent any further damage to both our properties. I'm more than happy to organise it and have the work done on both houses if you are happy to pay half. It will be far cheaper than having it done as 2 separate jobs" Also add in several "how are you", "don't want to worry you..." "thought that if I did all the organising it would be better for you..." type comments.

Thanks folks - Comments appreciated

i cant help thinking she may not have the money and that you might be better to hold off as she is unwell

is it urgent?

I've never had cancer, but i imagine the roof would be the last of my worries, sorry

have you got the money to get it done and just feel good about doing something nice for her?

she may just welcome having something mundane and ordinary to think about..sort of taking her mind off the cancer?

i'm pretty sure a potentially expensive roof problem wouldnt be "just the ticket" to take her mind off having cancer...

maybe a nice bunch of flowers, a chat, an invitation to sunday lunch..not a roof problem... "how are you, Mrs Smith?"..."oh well, I'm old, I live alone, now i've got this pesky cancer...if it wasnt for the problem with the roof, I'd be really down in the dumps...its the only thing keeping me going"

I don't think the money is an issue TBH, and she is a very fun loving independent lady but yes the repair is urgent. We hope to have our attic converted in January and it needs to be watertight before then. It's been ongoing since last January when I first pointed it out. We had some lead work done on our side and whilst the damp has lessened a bit, now that we're back to the keck weather again (in Scotland) there are still some damp parts remaining. It's pretty obvious where work needs to be carried out. Leaky roofs can result in dry rot in the future so the sooner it's fixed the better.

We'll have to go ahead regardless to get it fixed but I just want to give her her place. As I said she is a very independent lady and not sure that she'd appreciate us just paying for the lot of it just because she is unwell. I sure as hell wouldn't want that sort of charity if I were in a similar situation. Don't mean that to sound harsh, just playing Devil's Advocate.

if the repair includes her part of the roof then you will need to inform her anyway that there will be workmen on her property?

Perhaps you could send her details of all the work that needs to be done, including work to her property, and indicate that you need to have it done urgently. Point out that it will involve work to her property and workmen having access to her roof, etc., and can you have her permission to go ahead. If she is as independent as you say, she'll probably offer to pay for the part to her property and you can take it from there.

Quick update - I spoke to her and she was totally fine about it all, was even kind of apologetic as to her not doing something about it earlier.

Bless her!