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Original poster

Warning - morbid question. If something happened to you, have

18 replies

Nevada · 21/09/2005 12:16

you left anything behind for the kids?

I'm going into hospital tomorrow for a minor operation. It's only day surgery. I know it's a routine operation and I know loads of people have them every day but I've really started worrying in case something goes wrong.

If something did go wrong (and I know it's highly unlikely) I wouldn't have left anything behind for the kids - no letter, video etc.
The silly thing is, of course, that I do lots of things every day without worrying that I'm going to get killed - driving, for example.

If something happened to you, have you prepared something for your kids? I'm wondering if I should.

Got to go out to launderette now as washing machine can't be repaired until Saturday. Will check replies (if any, lol) later. Thanks.

OP posts:

handlemecarefully · 21/09/2005 12:22

Nothing other than a will....

Oooh too morbid for me.....

But you are probably right...just doesn't bear thinking of

auntymandy · 21/09/2005 12:32

not even a will!
Do people do this? unless they know they are going to die?

handlemecarefully · 21/09/2005 12:34

I personally think a will is imperative. Vitally important to record the guardianship arrangements you would want to see if your children were orphaned.

We did our will when ds and I were going away for a few days without the kids (so remote possibility that we might come to harm in the car on way to airport, or when flying, or whilst abroad)

handlemecarefully · 21/09/2005 12:35

Also if your estate is worth more than a certain amount and say your dh snuffs it, you won't necessarily automatically inherit all of the estate as his wife and vice versa (above the amount specified..)..

expatinscotland · 21/09/2005 12:36

We both have wills that specify exactly what will happen to our kids, and trusts set up for our life insurance policies to go to and the kids' guardians (my sister and BIL) to have access to the monies to use for their upbringing and education. All papers are in order, and my sister knows our wishes.

I don't see talking about death as morbid at all. Just practical and good sense, b/c it's gonna happen to us all. We don't know when, and no amount of avoiding hte issue can change that.

I also have made a nice scrapbook for DD (no. 2 is not yet born) and journals to give to her when she is 21.

I've seen what happens when a parent dies suddenly - it does happen - and hasn't left everything in order. Believe me, it makes everything a whole lot harder on the families they leave behind.

Mum2girls · 21/09/2005 12:36

yes, have written a diary since my first was born - update it every 2/3 months with their progression, likes and dislikes and my thoughts.

expatinscotland · 21/09/2005 12:38

I even created a manual of maintenance and the like for DH in case I pass on and he is left bringing up our children on his own.

One of my first cousins passed away from a heart attack last year just a week after her 39th birthday - with no warning at all whatsoever. She left behind a 2-year-old daughter and bereft husband.

But she had made a will, created journals, scrapbooks, etc. for her daughter. Believe it or not, her husband takes a lot of comfort in these things.

handlemecarefully · 21/09/2005 12:42

Ok Expat - you've convinced me. I start tonight. Sorry about your cousin, that's tragic. How is her little girl coping?, poor little cherub...

Gobbledigook · 21/09/2005 12:45

My 3 all have a diary of their life so far - update it every now and then with how they are developing.

That's it really. Not planning on going anywhere!

Really must sort out a will and guardianship though - I'm avoiding that one (stupidly I know) because I just don't know what to do about it...

expatinscotland · 21/09/2005 12:48

Sarah, her little girl, is doing fine. She's 3 now. None of her dad's relatives lives nearby my family, so my aunts all take turns watching her when Albert, her dad, needs a break and even if he wants to take a mini-break. He works as a social worker and his work has been really understanding.

Yolanda, my cousin, woke one morning last November 'feeling weird'. She just felt off, but not necessarily ill. She went to work as a dental nurse and seemed okay. After they put Sarah to bed, however, she said she had a metallic taste in her mouth and her right shoulder hurt. She felt light-headed enough that she needed to sit down. She said she felt faint, so Albert called an ambulance.

She slumped in her chair as he dialled, and was in full cardiac arrest when the ambulance arrived 2.5 minutes later.

They were unable to resucciate her in the trauma unit and she was pronounced dead after 25 minutes of effort.

An autopsy found half of her heart dead, with all of the arteries clogged.

handlemecarefully · 21/09/2005 13:03

Good grief - at 39! You just wouldn't think it...

Glad her little girl is okay though. I'm sure that would be Yolanda's chief concern

Original poster

Nevada · 21/09/2005 14:37

Thanks for the replies.

I've left it a bit late to do anything before tomorrow but will certainly sort something out in the future.

OP posts:

Original poster

Nevada · 21/09/2005 14:38

Expat - that's awful.

OP posts:

auntymandy · 21/09/2005 17:43

I just dont know where to startt with a will.There is a note about the house at the solicitors but thats all!

expatinscotland · 21/09/2005 21:45

Get a solicitor to help w/your will! If you are low-income, speak to your CBA about getting help.

It's really, really important it be done correctly.

bluesky · 21/09/2005 21:58

we have wills but I've had to go away with husband several times in the past with his work, and my mum would have the kids, she knew I had a little letter tucked away in my undies drawer just incase ..... Little things that you don't add to a will or hadn't thought of before. Used to make me feel a bit better. Hope your op goes Ok nevada.

Rhubarb · 21/09/2005 22:10

I've sent an email to dd's Godfather and one to my best friend, asking them to print it and keep it somewhere safe. It says that if something happened to me, or to both of us, that I want my children to be taken care of by dh's family, and they only spend time with my mother under supervision.

And my vast collection of Arthur Conan Doyle books are to go to a museum!

bev1e · 21/09/2005 22:38

I have a hamper for each of them - not filled with chocolates and tinned meats but with diaries of their first year, letters I have written to them before their births and after at important times of their (or my) lives, their hospital name tags, my pregnancy tests with the dates written on each of them, my scan photos, their first teeth, their first drawings at school, videos of them ... it goes on and on.....

Then I have two "general" boxes with my wedding dress, the letters DH and I wrote to one another whilst I was away at Uni, post it notes we used to leave one another, etc, etc

I didn't begin to do it from any thought of me dying early but wanted my eldest to know how much she was cared for before she had even arrived and once you do it for one, you have to do it for the second and the third and the .... no, no more!

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