Anxious 5 year old - please help!

[albert]

Sorry in advance, I think this might be a bit long!
After living in Italy for the past 3 years, DH has just started a new job in Brazil. He started 4 weeks ago and DS (5yo) and I are still in Italy doing the logistical things involved in a house move. We expect to leave here in mid-October to join DH. DS speaks frequently to DH and seems to understand and is very happy about moving to Brazil. Generally, he is a very happy and easy going little chap, he can speak fluent Portuguese so we were not unduly worried. However, since DH has left, DS now hates going to school whereas previously he couldn't wait to go, he has become slightly unruly and has gone back to his baby toys and cuddly animals at night. Clearly he is anxious or suffering from separation anxiety. I am struggling to cope with packing and all the international bureaucracy involved and am totally shattered most of the time because I'm still working too. So I am turning into a cranky old cow but really trying not to take it out on DS. How can I reassure him and make him happy and confident again? I really need some advice here TIA

How about encouraging him to write a letter to his daddy, and asking your dh to write one back? When we left the UK for France dd had to be separated from her much loved grandma, I know it's not even in the same league, but I know something of what you are talking about. They kept in touch by letters, which were much better than phone calls because dd wouldn't say very much on the phone and they have nothing they can see, just a voice on the end of the line. A picture or a little gift is much more personal. You could also, if you have a camcorder, do little personal diaries for daddy to watch when you see him next.

Another idea might be to get a calendar and mark off the days until he sees his daddy again, that might give him something to focus on. Visual things are vital. Also, I know you are busy, but try to establish a routine for him. With the planned move he may also feel misplaced and insecure, so a nighttime routine every night, perhaps bath, hot chocolate and a story before bed without fail, it'll help him feel more secure again. Try not to discourage his craving for baby things again, it's just his way of coping. Give him extra hugs and kisses!

Hope this helps!

I like the idea of a letter or picture, might give that a go. We don't have a date as such yet, it is so dependent on other things which keep going wrong. Just been let down by our removal agent and have to find a new one so we are living in a house of boxes just now waiting to go but no-one to collect them! His bed time is pretty established but he has also started getting up for 'one last kiss' then 'one last hug', which is lovely but...

Sounds like he needs lots of reassurance! I agree that you also have to be a bit firm otherwise they go over the top, perhaps saying just one last kiss but then no more, and sticking to that. Could he not have something of his daddy's, like a piece of old shirt or a toy that daddy bought him, so he could go to bed with it? Also your dh could buy him a little badge or something he could wear all the time so he knows that his daddy is always with him even though he is living far away at the minute?

A friend used to travel alot internationally for business, and he would send his son a fax every day with a note/drawing etc....so, just like a letter, but more immediate. This could also be achieved via email, though obviously wouldn't be in your dh's handwriting.

Could your dh send digital photos via the computer of where he is/what he's doing? That might also help your son feel closer to your dh, and perhaps not miss him so keenly.