Would you let her do this?

[emkana]

I have a friend (who has become more of an aquaintance recently, just losing touch really) who has a bit of trouble at home - she doesn't get on well with her dh, and her dd who is three is terrible at going to bed, most nights she is still up at 10 or 11 o'clock. My friend likes to do crafty stuff and feels she can't do this in peace at home because of her situation, and has asked me whether she can come to my house some nights to have a room to herself to do her stuff. I find this idea really weird and don't feel comfortable with it - ideally I think she should sort out things at home, not flee from them. Also I would feel strange having her in the house while not actually spending time with me... Don't know if I'm being mean or if my reaction is understandable.

I'd say no (not sure how you could do this politiely though) espcially as your not very good friends any more. Very odd

Hmmmm... rather odd. Maybe say you haven't really got the space but go out for a drink/chat with her inthe evening instead? Maybe there's more to it than you know.

deffo say no

weird request imho

I can see why she maybe wants an escape but personally I would prefer her to sort herself out at home. Shutting herself in a room at your hosue does seem a bit odd to me too. If I were her, I think I would try & spend time with the 3 yr old to work out why bedtime is such a nightmare & sort out the 10-11 bedtimes !

I can understand her wanting some space and time to herself, but I think she should be getting it by addressing the situation at home rather than running away from it.

It does seem an odd request, and I can't help wondering if there's something bigger going on than just not getting on with her dh?

yes, I agree its odd, and I wouldnt be happy with it. maybe she has some innocent secret that her dh would go bananas about, eg he doesnt like her crafty stuff.

As she is only an aquaintance then prob not but if she was good friend then I would probably agree to about and hour or so early on.

You answered the question yourself, if you feel uncomfortable with it then it obviously has to be a no. How to do this without seeming rude I don't know maybe blame it on the partner if you have one, works everytime for me.

yes, I'd do it.

perhaps she is lonely ? perhaps say yes, but just for a couple of weeks. You might find she just wants to escape/have some breathing space & maybe her having some 'timeout' will give her the strength to resolve her issues at home ?

I think it will be very awkward to discontinue the arrangement should it go sour, or even if you simply change your mind.

If you decide to go ahead, I would do it very much on a trial basis (and stress this to her), or for a definite and limited time.

I agree with flutterbee

If you are questionning it then you should probably say no.

The DD's bedtime definately needs sorting out and it is unlikely to help her situation with her DH if she runs away from the situation and leaves him to deal with DD.

Maybe your friend's DH could look after the little girl for some time at the weekend so your friend can enjoy her hobby?

My 1st instinct was to say yes, but then I thought 'hang on a sec' - it's possible she would maybe be using it to make a point to her dh, that he should pull his weight - or if she's really not on top of her dd's bedtimes then she needs help with that rather than running away. Also if you're no longer good friends then it is weird. Agree with soupy - say no to her request, but take her out for a drink/meal and let her talk about her situation if necess.

my first reaction is no. She needs to sort out her problems at home. Odd request from someone who is not close

Do you think there may be more going on than she's told you? Just sounds very odd. If she has such a strong need for escape, maybe she's not giving you all the reasons. If you are uncomfortable about it, then don't do it, but maybe worth trying to dig a little deeper to find out what's going on?

Message withdrawn

how bizarre - why doesn't she leave the craft work and concentrate on getting her dd into a bedtime routine?

I would if she was a good friend.

She's dragging you into some private drama that's going on at home.

If you were a good friend, you might not mind that.

However, if you're not close, you might not want to touch it with a bargepole.

She obviously has some kind of big problem and maybe getting out of the house is her first step in trying to talk about it to someone else. But you may not want to be her counsellor.