Furious - other parent took my son without car seat or seat belt - now stuck

[ernest]

Ok, I need advice as can't see through red mist! sorry for long windedness.

We live in Switzerland. My son (6) goes to Swiss kindergarten (KG). Once a week he has a German lesson in the town, not in KG with another classmate. They then have to come back to the KG for 2nd half. They are too young to walk unaccompanied. The other boy is from Kosovo. His mother speaks no English & Very little german, so communication is hard to say the least.

I have brought them to the KG twice, but it's basically an hour round trip for me & I have a little one at home too.

I asked this boy's mum if she would take a turn & we could do alternate weeks. I find out after the event that actually the father turned up & drove them to the KG & that neither of them were in a car seat or belted up. My son said the other boy was jumping around the car like a mad thing

I am furious that he took my son in a car without buckling up. I have tried to phone but just get what I assume to be grandparents who don't speak any German & just put phone down.

Do I discuss with the KG teacher?
Do I discuss with the German teacher?
I don't want to end up having to do this every week (he also has 2 other classes in the town, so am back & forth as it is). I feel they should bloody well take a turn - they have family support at home & older kids - I've got miles more on my plate.
What on earth do I say to the parents & how do I say it? Especially given the linguistic problems & feel a bit frustrated & stumped right now.

Would you also feel this pissed off?

Being honest, I would say that they obviously don't "do" car seats/seat belts and maybe you were wrong for assuming they did. If this arrangement is otherwise convenient and working for you, I would leave a carseat at KG and meet them there for the first run to show them how they should use it and belt your ds in (no language skills needed). I think I'd only be angry at myself tbh.

I'd be horrified about the seat belt, but I assume its just their normality- they haven't tried to be difficult iyswim. They have different standards.

I also think that getting him to and from KG is your responsibility. If you trust them let them take him , if not it doesn't really matter how much you have on your plate compared to them- he's your son so your responsibilty.

I assumed she would be walking with them. I have often seen her walking to collect him from KG. They had not mentioned to me that
a. the father not the mother would go.
b. He would take them by car. If I had known I would of course have checked they had a car seat for him. I don't feel in any way angry at myself. Thanks anyway.

COuld be that they see nothing wrong with no car seat. In the various countries I've lived in it's only the UK that actually has parents using carseats on a regular basis.
If it was my child - I'd take them myself or see if there is any other way for hime to learn german - could having friends to play that will speak german help?

yes I would feel pissed off

but if you can communicate well enough to organise this in the first place then you should be able to communicate that you want your ds to be belted in?

Here in spain people dont think twice about putting their kids in car seatsand ive seen alsorts of horrific goings on. You could leave a booster seat at the kg and get teacher to give it to the other parent.

i think although it makes sense to use a car seat/belt you cannot force them. If I were you I would be taking my own child and let them take theirs.

Having lived in Switzerland I can well believe that they just aren't used to using seat belts or car seats, and your ds' friend behaves accordingly. I regularly drove past cars with unbuckled kids, kids in the front seat, overloaded cars etc - even though it is against the law, which came in in January 2002. Think you need to stipulate that you expect them to walk to and fro, as is the custom after all, or be suitably restrained in the car (however I'm sure you'd always have doubts as to whether that is the case). Suspect the Kindergartnerin would n't want to get involved but why doesn't she demand that they walk unaccompanied anyway by now (friends have had their 4 year olds expected to do so after the first few weeks.

btw do you belong to the Yahoo Swiss Schooling forum (here ) as I expect you'd get alternative opinions and support, and perhaps even find others in a similar position there.