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Original poster

Have you discovered a skeleton in the family cupboard?

38 replies

Miaou · 15/09/2005 18:04

At the age of 21, I discovered I had a great aunt that I didn't know existed. My maternal grandmother, who was one of five, had a sister who had whooping cough as a child and was brain-damaged as a result. She led a fairly independent life in sheltered accommodation but was never introduced to the rest of the family. I was only told about her because she was going to be at the funeral of their other sister. I kind of understood why my gran never told me about her (she is of "that" generation) but was amazed that my mum had never said anything to me.

OP posts:
starlover · 15/09/2005 18:06

no but we found one in dp's!
looking through some old pictures it turns out that there was a dwarf in the family.
same as your story really... although they had kept pictures he obviously wasn't talked about

Donbean · 15/09/2005 18:18

OOOH yes, there is loads of mystery and intrigue in DH's family and i decided that it was my duty to find out stuff for my son as it was after all his family.
The stuff i uncovered was absolutely fascinating and an eye opener.
It took me about 6 months all in all but was well worth the effort.

Yorkiegirl · 15/09/2005 18:20

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IvortheEngine · 15/09/2005 18:25

Yes, several! A child born 1 week after the parents married. This is 4 generations ago. A child fathered by someone who should be his uncle (ie a man had a fling with his brother's wife and a child was the result of the fling.) This is one generation ago and still has to be kept secret. Etc. Fascinating stuff.

MarsLady · 15/09/2005 18:25

yes!

trefusis · 15/09/2005 18:28

This reply has been deleted

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Pruni · 15/09/2005 18:28

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harpsichordcarrier · 15/09/2005 18:34

my granny and grandad were members of the Communist party (I knew that) and my granny was arrested in the general strike for helping to turn over a bus... only found that out after she was dead, which is a shame because I would have liked to have heard her talkm about it

Fio2 · 15/09/2005 18:37

wqe have lots but the funniest is mr gran was pregnant before she married my grandad and even though my uncle was born six months after his parents wedding he still hasnt twigged about it all hgahahaha and my gran tyalks about it to me and says, "you would have thought he would know by now" and you would he is an MD of BIG company!

edam · 15/09/2005 18:47

My grandmother went AWOL from the women's bit of the air force in the war (don't know what the formal name was). They originally posted couples together but changed the policy so she was going to be separated from grandad. So she went home! Military police looking for her, but never thought to check the house - grandad got compassionate leave and found her there having a cup of tea. Not sure what happened - suspect she may have peeled a LOT of potatoes as a result.

Really awful one was my father's second wife's family - turned out her father had murdered her mother and was in a 'special hospital' ie Broadmooor. Only came out when he was released and Broadmoor tracked her down, phoned her up out of the blue and said 'would you like your father to come and live with you'. The answer was NO.

Mirage · 15/09/2005 20:07

Yes,but it was so awful that I haven't even asked my sister if she knows about it.

TwinSetAndPearls · 15/09/2005 20:26

My family's closet is packed with skeletons, I am not sure however if it would be fair on the individuals involved to upset their lives to satisfy my curiosity.

compo · 15/09/2005 20:32

dh's grandmother suddenly announced that his mother had a half sister who was coming to visit a couple of years ago. She was adoped at birth and MIL had no idea of her exisitence. She had had an affair with dh's step grandfather (not MIL's dad) who she ended up with afterwards. MIL was outraged but dh and I thought why should she tell her daughter something that had happened so long ago and had no relevance really.

PeachyClair · 15/09/2005 20:49

Several!. The un-acknowledged Great Aunts who have been living together as partners since the 40's (lovely they are, glad Mum didn't care a fig about that one); Mum being PG at 17 (married dad at 19 after 4 years together- was dad's baby)- she lost it, but apparently despite being 1966 really did not care about the married side of it; more shockingly that Mum stokcpiled poison to kill Dad in the eighties but changed her mind when she realised if she failed, he would get us. !!!!!!!! She told me whilst strawberry picking several years ago. I nearly fainted!

ellis35 · 15/09/2005 21:08

Hope no one minds me joining in, after fil's death found out mil had been married before, had two children and widowed very quickly, left children with her inlaws moved on, changed name and started again!!! And how she has sat in judgement of all of us....

Orinoco · 15/09/2005 21:51

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IvortheEngine · 15/09/2005 21:59

about the sitting in judgement. One relative was the youngest of a big family. He was either the last or else one of the last to get married and have children of his own. He would be very critical of his neices and nephews and expected great things of his own children when he'd have them. Of course, the reality was VERY different! Ha, ha!

hatstand · 15/09/2005 21:59

dh's step grandad had two families. at the same time . DH's grandma was under the impression that he had left his wife and that he just worked away quite a lot. His wife thought he worked away quite a lot too. It was only when he was very old that dh's father discovered that he had actually been juggling them both. So at the age of 60-odd, dh's dad found out that his step-father had children whose existence he had never known about.

ChaCha · 15/09/2005 22:04

At 21yrs old my mum told me that I had a sister. I've never met her. Tried really hard to make contact. Once i knew, everything seemed to fit into place. I really want to meet her

IvortheEngine · 15/09/2005 22:06

Oh,ChaCha. I hope that you are able to make contact soon. Are there any more avenues left to try?

colditz · 15/09/2005 22:11

Foound out when i was 17 that my mum used to be a Gogo dancer!

ChaCha · 15/09/2005 22:12

Not really. I got as far as a phone number, made the call but was told by 'the people' that they would call the police if i bothered them again and they were really quite threatening. I kind of gave up then (wish i hadn't now) and that was that.

IvortheEngine · 15/09/2005 22:18

Sorry to hear that. Can you register with an agency (sorry, I don't know who) so that if she does come looking in the future, you are listed as her sister with contact details, etc?

Sorry, I have to log off now. I'll check this thread again tomorrow. Hopefully someone else will come along who knows about such things. You could start your own thread seeking advice, maybe? You could say what you've tried so far and someone else might be able to help. Sorry that I must go.

pabla · 16/09/2005 11:40

How old would your sister be now Chacha? I agree it would be worth registering your details if you have not already done so. Sometimes a chiuld who has been adopted doesn't try to make contact with their birth mother's family until later in life, maybe when they start thinking about having kids themselves. i certainly wouldn't give up hope...

In terms of skeletons in the closet - my dad's half sister had a fair few secrets:

I didn't know until after my grandad died that she was a half sister (her mother died when she was a baby and I think it always made my grandad too sad to talk about it.)

There was some scandal over her marriage - either my grandad didn't approve of her husband or she jilted a neighbours son to marry him. So we never really knew our cousins growing up and I didn't meet her husband until I was 17.

She lied to her husband about her age and he didn't find out she was older than she had said until after she died. I think she altered her birth certificate to cover up! She was 45 having her youngest child - quite old in the 1960s.

Her first baby died when he was a few days old and I don't know if she ever told her other children about him - I just found out a couple of years ago. Another aunt rather tactlessly told me this just after my last baby was born!

Unfortunately my aunt is dead now - I would have loved to talk to her about her life.

SleepyJess · 16/09/2005 11:45

Yesss.. Dh discovered abot 11 years ago when we were first together that he had a half sister he had never known about.. and nor had any of his 3 siblings.. because his dad had had a previous marriage that nobody (except their mum obviously) had known about! Odd to me.. but then the in laws are like this.. heads in the sand.. happily ignore everything that they don't want to think about for whatever reason! FIL phoned and dropped the bomb shell because his firstborn had contacted him out of the blue and said she was coming to see him! So we all had to be told obviously...

We met DH's sister but once! She came to visit her dad while we were there one day! Now they have all gone back to ignoring her again.. heads BACK in the sand!! This is what they are all like! DH is much less like it since he has been with me.. no heads in the sand in this house, I can't be doing with it.. but put him back in his own family situation and he becomes as ostrich again instantly!!