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Original poster

Holding Baby Etiquette

17 replies

Metrobaby · 15/08/2003 10:30

This weekend we'll be visiting 3 friends to see their latest addition to the family.

However, what is the etiquette for holding the new baby? Do you ask if you can have a cuddle, or wait till Mum offers ?

Either way, I wouldn't want risk offending, or putting Mum in a position IFYKWIM. Any advice?

OP posts:

FairyMum · 15/08/2003 10:39

I tend to ask if I can hold the baby, but I don't know if that is good etiquette. I always thought it was nice when people asked to hold my babies, but I guess people are different....

nerdgirl · 15/08/2003 10:41

I always make my enthusiasm for the new arrival so obvious that the mother happily hands the baby over without being asked just to stop me drooling!

Clarinet60 · 15/08/2003 11:08

I hated people handling my newborns and hated handing them over. I suspect I'm in a minority though, so this thread will be interesting.

Northerner · 15/08/2003 11:12

I always ask first. Unless it's like my BEST friend.

People always asked if they could hold mine. If they hadn't asked and just picked up I would have been a bit peed off I think.

Gem13 · 15/08/2003 11:16

After a traumatic labour - 5 hours second stage, failed Ventouse, then forceps delivery - a midwife in the hospital told me not to pass DS around for the first couple of weeks and just let him be with me and DH. She said he would need this reassurance.

We took her advice and only let the grandmothers hold him (you can't say 'no' to them!).

He was a very calm, laidback baby and I don't know whether it was partly down to this but we liked having the excuse!

Hopefully D?'s birth will be different but I plan to follow the same advice.

Everyone is different however. I just wanted them to gush over him and tell me he was gorgeous. Actually I couldn't put him down...

Jenie · 15/08/2003 11:18

I'm have mixed feelings over this, when I had dd she was my 1st and I was very protective in so much as I didn't mind close family having a hold. Then when friends visited I didn't realy want to hand her over. I did but I'm sure that they could tell that I thought they would drop her. I was the first out of our friends to have a baby so this may have had something to do with it.

Then when I had ds as soon as I got back from hospital (I was in and out in a few hours) I let dd hold him (sitting down with lots of cushions) and didn't mind other people holding him. Infact I enjoyed the attention he received. Just so long as adequet attention was also given to dd first. After all a newborn doesn't notice that he's no longer the star of the show but an older child does.

When people visited we gave each of them a gift for dd (just a small something) to hand over to dd (we kept them in a box in a cupboard by the front door) just so that she didn't feel left out. I think it worked.

bloss · 15/08/2003 11:34

Message withdrawn

codswallop · 15/08/2003 11:42

i love people hoklding mine......... then i get a good look at him!!

outofpractice · 15/08/2003 12:11

I was deeply offended when my sister came to visit and never asked to hold my baby. Finally, I asked her if she wanted to, and she went and got two teatowels in case he dribbed on her! When ds was newborn I always washed my hands before touching him if I'd been out, and always asked visitors to before holding him. Now, I always ask if I can give friends' babies a cuddle and offer to wash my hands first.

Zerub · 15/08/2003 12:15

When DD was small she wanted to be held all the time, so it was marvellous when friends came around and they wanted to sit and hold her! Having said that, went to SIL's wedding when dd was 4 weeks; there were all these family friends and relatives from all over the world who all knew DH and therefore considered that they knew me, and kept wanting to cuddle DD - but they were basically strangers to me. Luckily I was so tired and stressed I didn't have the energy to worry about being polite, I just said "no" - no apologies or excuses! Bloss's idea is a good one - provide them with a ready-made excuse.

Gooby · 15/08/2003 13:47

It was easier when ds was newborn - he was asleep most of the time so I didn't mind people holding him. Now at 3mnths he has his awake periods then gets tired - and it always seems that well meaning grandmothers/friends/rellies want to jiggle him around/poke him/whizz him in the air when he's tired and needs to wind down. And I find it really hard to be assertive and tell them not to do it.

aloha · 15/08/2003 14:07

Oh, definitely ask in a way that implies their child is so beautiful and irresistible that you can't help yourself! Saying that, when friends came round when ds was a newborn I practically hurled him at them and ran! It was such bliss to have two hands free for a bit.

aloha · 15/08/2003 14:10

Oh, yes and mum will love you much more if you make a big fuss of the other child/children first and take a tiny gift for them, and then what I usually do where there are older children is to chat to them first for a while, give them a gift, then later, casually ask them if they would show me their new baby, because I heard they had just got one. This usually goes down well with toddler and mum!

motherinferior · 15/08/2003 14:14

Absolutely, aloha. On both points.

BigBird · 15/08/2003 14:19

I would always wait to be asked unless it was a very good friend/family member. Some do offer 'a hold' of the baby and some don't.
I think Bloss's idea is great and I will use that line if I ever ask...!

easy · 15/08/2003 14:27

The only time I minded with ds was when we were invited to a small party.

I gave ds to my friend to hold, but after a few minutes she passed him onto someone else without asking me , who passed him onto someone i'd never met, who was going to pass him onto someone else.
I'm afraid I said " If I'd known we were going to play pass the parcel, I'd have wrapped him in brown paper"

They gave him straight back to me, I suspect the look on my face made my feeling known.

Original poster

Metrobaby · 15/08/2003 15:33

There's some really good ideas here. I like Bloss's phrase, and Aloha I like the idea of making a fuss of the older ones too - it's all too easy to get caught up in cooing over the new baby. I'll have to get the siblings a little something too - just have to hope dd doesn't play up at being the only one left out without a pressie

I know when dd was born, I went phases of desperately wanting to palm her off onto any willing person, to being fiercely protective on some days, and then sometimes feeling a bit offended if someone didn't ask to cuddle my gorgeous dd.

OP posts:

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