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Original poster

How do I tell my mother that she smells?!

26 replies

SourOldBat · 14/09/2005 22:54

She's just been to stay with us for two weeks and in that time didn't bath, shower or wash her hair once. So at the end of the time, she was less than fragrant. She also has really bad breath.

DD2, who is blunt, to say the very least, said "Poo, Grannie, you really stink!" and held her nose. But my mother just laughed.

We don't get on, and I don't know how to tell her as I think she will just start ranting at me.

OP posts:
bran · 14/09/2005 22:55

Don't have her to stay for longer than a long weekend in future.

SleepyJess · 14/09/2005 22:56

Just say 'mum you really must have a bath! It's the done thing you know!' If you are used to her ranting then it should be less of a problem than if you never had a cross word!

Buy her some nice smellies for Christmas? Or sooner??!

Skribble · 14/09/2005 22:58

Get her some nice toiletries as a pressy and leave it at that for now unless her health is at risk or showing signs of dementia etc. Sorry I don't know how i would speak to my mum if I felt their was a problem. Maybe just be direct if the hinting isn't working but you risk offending her.

SherlockLGJ · 14/09/2005 22:58

Stand in front of her and try this

Caligula · 14/09/2005 22:59

Oh God. I dread this problem with anyone.

Can you get your kids to tell her? They can usually reliably inform adults of things which make you inwardly cringe.

wartybosoms · 14/09/2005 22:59

Well she's been told - out of the mouths of babes and all that!

is she a hippy?

BusyBusyBee · 14/09/2005 23:01

SOB Has she always been someone who doesnt like washing - or is this a recent thing?

I live with lots of people with learning difficulties - we often face this problem becuase they are often unaware of the need to wash etc. I say as tactfully as i can - "How about having a nice relaxing bath!" I never say "Go and have a wash" in case it hurts their feelings!

TBH i couldnt cope with someone who washed that infrequently - I would have to say something even if the person did get a little upset.

Original poster
SourOldBat · 14/09/2005 23:04

Toiletries wouldn't work. She doesn't do tact. In fact, a few years ago, at a family party, she told my gran (her mother) in a very loud voice that it was not enough for her to wash herself, she had to wash her clothes as well and the dress she was wearing was impregnated with BO!

Although she laughed off what DD2 said, I did wonder if it made her think. But probably not.

Bran - good idea! Don't know why she comes anyway, all she does is sit there with her nose in a book, never helps out or bothers to play with the girls

OP posts:
zippitippitoes · 14/09/2005 23:06

I think the main question is has she always been like that..

And how well do you get on

I wouldn't know how to approach it except to say I'll run you a bath and put in some of the new Relaxing stuff i bought...

Original poster
SourOldBat · 14/09/2005 23:07

She has never been big on washing because it messes up the bathroom at home (I kid you not) and often opts for what my DH calls a pensioner's wash (with soap and flannel) in the kitchen. No idea why, she has perfectly nice new bathroom which was all done up last year.

OP posts:
Original poster
SourOldBat · 14/09/2005 23:13

DD1 has a rhyme which goes "Ink, pink, pen and ink, I smell a dirty stink, poo, poo, poo, it must be you!"

Maybe we should try that?

OP posts:
cinderelly · 14/09/2005 23:18

oh no! My dad's a bit like that, buts its not a smelly smell, its more like a damp smell iykwim. Havent got the heart to say anything, but makes me laugh coz he wonders why he's not got a woman Got the same problem with someone I work with too. Always smells of poo!! Honestly.

Caligula · 14/09/2005 23:20

Oh God, I'd missed that, your DD actually told her seriously?

Well I think you might just have to come over all bossy. "Blimey Mum, you really smell, you need to have a bath quite soon because I'm having visitors over and I don't want them to think it's me - I've run you a bath and it's all ready, can you go and sort it out now, while I put the kettle on. D'you want tea or coffee when you come out of the bath?"

All the while leading her towards the steaming bathroom...

Caligula · 14/09/2005 23:21

pmsl at the colleague who always smells of poo! Are you sure it's poo? Sometimes smelly feet smell like poo. (I'm an expert)

cinderelly · 14/09/2005 23:39

its got to be poo, because without going into detail the loo smells the same. The wierd thing is though, he is the cleanest, tidiest man Ive ever met. We dont even need a cleaner. How can he forget about his own arse??

Souroldbat if you dont get on with her just walk around with the air freshener on permanent spray during her visits. Between that and your dd making comments, she's bound to realise.

HappyDaddy · 15/09/2005 09:12

Smile sweetly and say, "mother, I've been looking into putting you in a home. you are obviously soiling yourself and it's for your own good." Watch how quick she finds the soap...

Flossam · 15/09/2005 09:15

cinderelly, out of sight - out of mind obviously!

Caligula · 15/09/2005 09:50

Maybe someone should put a box of those "moist" toilet tissues on his desk.

zippitippitoes · 15/09/2005 09:56

the colleague could have a medical problem which is not obvious

cinderelly · 16/09/2005 12:37

Souroldbat, the suspense is killing me. any updates yet?

lucy5 · 16/09/2005 12:41

My fil was like that when he lived with us, he was depressed. We tried running a bath for him but he would just go into the bathroom, swirl the water round and come out 2 seconds later and say he'd had one. In the end dh used to have to stay in the bathroom and bully him in and then wash where he could. He wasnt old or senile.

cinderelly · 16/09/2005 13:25

OMG, dont know whether to laugh or cry.

Original poster
SourOldBat · 16/09/2005 22:14

She has gone home now (after two weeks of smoking in her bedroom like a naughty teenager with bedroom door open and next to DD1's who is asthmatic ).

I'm afraid I was too much of a chicken, but did buy several packets of extra strong mints and kept forcing them on her "to freshen your mouth".

I also found out when she left that she hadn't used the towels I'd left on her bed for her as she "didn't want to make more washing" but had used the hand towel that everyone uses to dry their hands...[vomiting emoticon at drying my hands on something that she'd wiped round her flaps - or perhaps she hadn't if she hadn't washed them...]

OP posts:
stitch · 16/09/2005 22:16

tell her she smells.

merrygoround · 16/09/2005 22:24

Had to laugh at this thread, but in a sympathetic way IYSWIM. Worked for years with some people who were not v hygienic, the worst was someone who hadn;t gone to the dentist for years and I dreaded visiting him, the smell made me nearly sick. Had to tell him straight, but did it by saying "I don't want to embarrass you but...." (and then proceeded to thoroughly embarrass him).