Mums of boys - public toilets?

[marthamoo]

At what age do you send your son into a public toilet on his own? Been meaning to ask this for ages as when we went to Chester Zoo in the summer there were signs up in the Ladies' toilets which said "We suggest that boys over the age of x [and I can't actually remember but it was younger than ds1, I know, and he's 8!] use the men's toilet facilities." It vaguely pissed me off (I disregarded it anyway) - I think it's up to me when I no longer take my sons into the ladies with me, not some faceless official at Chester Zoo It's hardy like it was full of delicate laydeez in various states of undress fainting at the sight of a gentleman in the inner sanctum.

But I think it's quite interesting - I do still take ds1 in with me, but he is at the age now where he's a bit groany about going in the "girls" toilet, so I suspect he will be off on his own soon.

So - when do they go solo? I think, for ds1, pretty soon (though not in park toilets - he goes in a park toilet alone over my dead body )

my ds is 8 MM and I only allow him into gents loos with a man I can trust (ie. his dad). No way will I allow him to frequent park toilets on his own. And no way, despite notices to the contrary, will I allow him to go into mens changing rooms at the swimming baths!

So probably when he's about 6' I'll allow him on his own

When I was a child (1970s), I think 6-7 was when they used to be expected to go into men's on their own. That was in the days before we were so paranoid about perverts, though.

DS1 has been going in on his own (some of the time) since just before 5yo, because he was so bloody minded about it and I gave up arguing.

It depends where you are I think If I am with my ds in a shopping centre I let him go in alone and I wait outside but tell him he must use a cubicle He is 11 BTW and until recently I took him in with me and still do if it looks dodgy but I think I am a bit OTT and could probably be less so

Mine usually go on their own now, moo, unless the gents loos are particularly inconveient to access or seedy looking. They're 6. I did feel a real wrench about it at first- funny how the "bad man lurking in the loos to get my baby" motif is somehow there despite that rarity in reality...

Not sure. DS is only 4 so still comes in with me although depending where we are and how busy it is I sometimes send him in his own cubicle.

I think it depends where you are too. For example at a secure soft play I would be happy for him to go into the men's toilets on his own. But at Chester Zoo definitely not.

At our local swimming baths the signs say over 8s have to go in the correct changing room.

My ds is only 4 so he's still with me, but dh has this problem with our older dd who is nearly 7.

If he's out with the children without me, he lets her go to the ladies toilet on her own and has to hang about outside (which he hates I'm sure) occasionally shouting through the door!

Once she was taking ages, so he had to ask another woman who was on her way in if she would mind checking on dd. Dh really is a good egg and takes it all in his stride, but it is a bit embarressing for him.

He doesn't feel it's ok to take older dd into the gents now though because things are a bit more um..less private in there because of urinals etc and would be uncomfortable for all concerned.

My ds1 is 9 and I let him go into the gents but stand outside looking menacingly at any men going in!

Im with chipmonkey!
Eldest ds is 7 and I haven't let him in on his own yet.

Had a horrible experience a few years ago. Ds2, aged 3, decided he was old enough to go into the gents, and darted out of the Ladies and into the Gents. Then promptly went into a cubicle, and did a large poo. AND COULDNT WIPE HIMSELF WITHOUT HELP!!

A friendly man stood guard at the door while I went in and helped him. Needless to say, while the Ladies was pink and clean and fragrant, the Gents in the same venue was grey and dirty and very smelly. (I assume they have the same cleaning and decoration routines.)

Ds1 is 7 in November and he is just starting to use the gents alone, because he literally clings onto the door frame if i try and take him into the ladies.

DS 8yrs still goes into ladies with me most of the time. At supermarket i let him take his sister so he goes into ladies with her too. There are occaisions where i let him go into gents but not often i have to say, god help the person that tells me off.

I have seen toilets before with notices about over 8's but not been to any recently. DS is tall and looks older so no doubt I will get comments soon. He is only just starting to make objections but i can still persude him.

Once he starts going into gents I will wait outside in earshot and make him whistle the whole time .

I remember years ago as a teenager (OK a couple of decades ago) being asked by a dad to take his daughter about 3 into a toilet. She needed help wiping and everthing. I was so suprised that he asked me. But now I have experienced a few gents loos (don't ask) I understand.

It wouldn't take a genius to design male, female, disabled and accompanied toilets - the accompanied to be used by a parent & child of any age/gender; or by an adult with an elderly relative

mY ds IS 4.8, and where ever possible I send him in to the disabled loo, and wait by the door in case it is needed.

If there is no disabled loo I still take him into the ladies with me.

I thought the majority of responses would be people telling me I was over-protective so I'm reassured that I'm not the only paranoid Mum out there It is hard to let go of that "bad man lurking in the loos to get my baby" (thanks, scummy!) but it isn't just that - I know some women's public toilets are pretty grim, and dh tells me that men's are 100 times worse. Pervert and germ paranoia - I'm doomed.

I am currently wrestling with this one. There are some venues where I am perfectly happy with ds to use the men's loos (he is 3wks off being 6) but there are others where I insist (to his extreme annoyance) that he comes with me to the ladies.
I have tried to explain about there being some strange people in the world & I need to keep an eye out for him. Bless him though, he tells me not to worry, because if he sees anyone being naughty then he'll tell them off & call the police.
In the park, this is probably awful, but I'd rather walk over to a discreet bush & wait while ds pees out there than actually use the disgusting toilets. I've held dd out to pee by a bush too. The park loos are horrible & children always seem to touch the most yukky bits!

been talking about this this morning. Friend wants to take her 9 year old autistic son swimming. Not allowed in changing rooms, so can't go (he's non-verbal severely autistic btw so wouldn't be eyeing up the laydeez.

I'm going to get a RADAR key for ds1 because at 6 I've noticed I've started getting looks at times when I've taken him to the toilet just recently (but he is big for his age). (doesn't help that he looks under the doors)

That's bad about the swimming. At out pool you would have a choice of family changing, disabled changing or family disabled changing rooms.

I remember getting stuck in a toilet cubicle at about age 8, my poor dad had to ask a lady from church to go in because the concert was about to start.

The changing area at our pool is comunal with family sized cubilces so I hadn't thought of that. I suppose we will have to tackle thatif we come accross seperate changing. DS uses busehes too rather then public loos, Again god help the person that critisise that. I hope they are a dog walker so I can really go to town on them- " Oh so its all right for you dog but not a child rant rant rant!!!!!".

I have posted about this before, i will just tell you about my cousin who went on holiday to St Ives.
He was about 7, went into loo with mum waiting outside and was grabbed by a perv and sexually abused in a cubicle.
Took all of 5 mins.
Its a very very difficult one this, i think that my ds will be 20!

DS2 (6.5) now refuses to go in the ladies, so he goes in the gents. He goes in alone, or sometimes with ds1 (8).

Toilets in shopping centres, museums, restaurants, etc. are OK. But we avoid 'public toilets' as they are the ones which are most dodgy IMO. Both in terms of cleanliness, and having a reputation for other things going on.

Donbean, that's dreadful

Bugsy - I'm the same so if you're bad, I am too. The park toilets are beyond disgusting and if either of my two are caught short we find a bush...so shoot me

Jimjams, your friend might have an argument under the Disability Discrimination Act. It might be worth looking into if she and her son are keen on swimming. he's evidently not going to be able to access the facilities any other way, and it is hardly going to make big demands on the swimming pool for them to adapt their policy on who goes in where to get dressed.
sorry won't be able to follow up post tonight.

DS1 is 8 in November and I still take him into the ladies with me if DS doesn't go with him. My brother is a police officer with a child protection unit and regularly has to monitor sex offenders in public places. They often seem to gravitate towards loos in shopping centres.

Moo, ds mostly goes into the gents on his own, he's 8. It depends on where we are though, at service stations/cinemas I let him go with strict instructions to wait for me outside, in public outside type loos I'd make him come with me to the ladies. He will but isn't keen, so the answer is I decide at the time.

Right, now I've read that donbean I'm going to start making him come in with me again. God, that's awful.