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Original poster

Made a bit of a blunder, what should I have done?

34 replies

blunder · 13/09/2005 20:07

I fully expect some of you to have a go at me, but I just wondered how you would have handled an incident this evening.

I had just dropped my ds off at a club and I was walking back along a track. There was a group of about 10 lads, early teens, most of them walking but some on bikes. One of the lads did a wheely on his bike when he was a couple of metres from me, he swerved into my path and then came of the back and the bike came up right into my face. I thought he was going to crash into me, so I gave him a shove. He then started swearing at me and hit my arm, so I shoved him again.

I know I didn't handle it well, but I acted instinctively and didn't stop to think. What should I have done and should I be in big trouble?

OP posts:
SleepySuzy · 13/09/2005 20:09

How old were the lads?

QueenOfQuotes · 13/09/2005 20:10

You should have walked on and ignore it

But I doubt you'll be in trouble

And don't worry - despite many of us who say "walk on and ignore" I'm sure we'd probalby have done the same thing

Lonelymum · 13/09/2005 20:14

It sounds like you reacted instinctively, I shouldn't worry about it. I suppose you could have said pleasantly, "ooh you scared me then!" and appealed to their better natures, but it doesn't sound as though they were being very considerate. A group of boys, even those in their early teens, ought to be told by someone how intimidating they are to lone women.

Original poster
blunder · 13/09/2005 20:15

They were probably 12-13 ish, difficult to tell. Old enough to know some pretty foul language.

OP posts:
Aimsmum · 13/09/2005 20:15

Message withdrawn

edam · 13/09/2005 20:16

Well, I might have done the same as you, tbh, I know the sensible advice is ignore but he was being deliberately aggressive, getting right in your face - so you acted to defend yourself IMO.

spidermama · 13/09/2005 20:17

As you say you acted instinctively.
I think the energy 10 lads give out can be pretty intimidating. I might well have done the same thing because adrenalin takes over in a situation like that.

In my 'ideal woman' dreams though, and without the adrenalin, I'd have said, with calm authority 'Come on now. Careful on those bikes now. I'm walking here.'

Original poster
blunder · 13/09/2005 20:17

I was slightly nervous, which is ridiculous really. Why should I feel nervous around a bunch of kids.

Dh did the pick up so I didn't have to go back.

OP posts:
nell12 · 13/09/2005 20:18

Are these lads really going to go home and "tell" on you?? I doubt it. They would probably realise that their Mums would want an explanation as to why you were provoked.
Even so, I would take a different route when collecting ds later as groups of lads can get silly and you do not want to worry yourself anymore than you already are

Caligula · 13/09/2005 20:20

Did you actually knock him off his bike? I do hope so.

12-13 year olds are quite old enough to know just how intimidating and unpleasant such behaviour is.

jodee · 13/09/2005 20:27

Not sure why you think you are in trouble? Do any of them know you/your ds/where you live?

Original poster
blunder · 13/09/2005 20:30

No I didn't knock him off his bike but I'm sure that I probably wanted to with the second shove.

I had visions of him going into the club and saying he had been hit by one of the mums. Ds nearly gave me heart failure just now, he said a boy went into the club grounds on his bike and started shouting at them all. I was convinced it was going to be about me, as it happens he was just mouthing off.

OP posts:
TinyGang · 13/09/2005 20:32

Good for you! We get big gangs hanging about here on bikes and skateboards and some behave in a deliberatley intimidating way by cycling/skating right up to you.

I've felt tempted to do the same as you before and in your case it sounds more like a reaction than retaliation. How I wish they's fall off those daft skateboards and land on their behinds when they're showing off in huge gangs and you can't walk past.

Original poster
blunder · 13/09/2005 20:37

I wish I'd kept my name now, feel very relieved that so far no one thinks I am an ogre.

How would you feel though if your ds came home and said that a loony woman had shoved him a couple of times?

OP posts:
Lonelymum · 13/09/2005 20:40

If I knew my son had ridden up to the woman in a threatening way, I would have wanted to meet her to offer my apologies for raising such an obnoxious child. I don't think we do enough these days to discipline other people's children. I don't mean hit them, but I think as parents we ought to be more united and not afraid that if we tell someone else's child off, that child's parents will come back at us raging.

Caligula · 13/09/2005 20:41

I'd be furious with the loony woman of course!

But I would also wonder why she shoved him off his bike and would interrogate him as to the circumstances. It's just such an unusual thing for a grown up woman to do, that I'd want to know more...

morningpaper · 13/09/2005 20:43

Did something similar once when I was spat at on a train. DH gave me an absolute bollocking because the kids might have had knives. He was right but it's SO frustrating sometimes!

Caligula · 13/09/2005 20:43

Ah but Lonelymum - would your ds tell you about the intimidating wheelie bit? I suspect most 12 year olds would edit that bit out.

Original poster
blunder · 13/09/2005 20:46

lol, am I really unusual? I'm normally very boring, I doubt if the boy was expecting me to retaliate. He told me to go and f my mother , unfortunately, I was struck dumb and didn't say a word.

OP posts:
Lonelymum · 13/09/2005 20:52

No of course ds wouldn't mention the wheelie, but I would always ask if he came home complaining that someone had hit him. I would suspect something had happened beforehand and try to get out of him what.

Actually a couple of years ago my children were verbally attacked by an older woman when I was with them (but about 100 yards behind) and I made my disapproval obvious. To my surprise she came back at me quite strongly and I lost my cool and shouted some horrendous things back at her! Not a good example to set the children.

Fio2 · 13/09/2005 21:09

dont feel guilty about it, even if he does bring it up again with anyone and it comes back to you, you can say you were intimidated by him

they really are foul mouthed little induviduals sometimes

I remember if i ever said to my parents, so and so said something to me or whathisname grabbed it was always "why what have you dojne, you MUST have done something!!!" they always thought it was me being a prick. This was when i was a child btw

Fio2 · 13/09/2005 21:11

my mother was most probably a lonelymum type then!

Lonelymum · 13/09/2005 21:18

Err thanks. ? !

Passionflower · 13/09/2005 22:32

Problem is you never know if the parents are nice normal types or complete psycho's. Got chased around a playgound once by some mad old bag cause I told her daughter to wait till my DD had got off the slide before sliding down it.

don't worry though, I think that was the exception.

Tortington · 14/09/2005 04:57

always take a moby with you and phone the police - take note of school uniform - they are responsible for their action over 10 years old. it is not too trivial to phone the police. unless these things are reported the police cannot record any crime.

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