How long does it take for a new area to feel like home?

[oliveoil]

I moved to where I live now in 2002 and have ups and downs but still feel like it is temporary and that we can move somewhere nice eventually. But that is not going to happen (for lots of reasons but mainly money).

I am a positive can-do sort of person, and have joined mum and toddler groups and met some nice people, but mainly to chat to, not really friends as such. I try and look on the positive but some days think 'ffs what a shit dump'.

Dh says I need to stop moaning and get on with it, and I sort of agree. But cant stop moaning.

How long does it take to feel at home?

I went out with the mums from toddlers once and none of them drank. Me and my two friends sat at the opposite end of the table and kept ordering bottle of wine after bottle of wine. At the end of the evening everyone seemed to have gone and me and my friends got up to ring the taxi and i stepped outside the pub and fell over i was so pissed i couldnt even get off the floor! There were 4 prissy mums sitting ina car opposite tut tutting at me oh it was sooooo embarassing the day after!!!

I think it takes about a year, perhaps it is a case of seeing in your second year and doing everthing again so your second christmas, second summer etc.

It is hard work settling somewhere new when I first arrived here I sulked for about six months, thinking I hate this place so I don;t want to settle and make friends.

WE are in the process of moving away and it has amazed that I have twinges of sadness about leaving this place as i really do hate it. But I have made so many wonderful friends by throwing myself into socialising and mixing and it worries me that I may not be able to do it again when we move. I went to every mother and toddler group going until I found one I really liked and have made friends that I see socially without children. I started voluntary work again to feel part of a community and make friends. For similar reasons I became a school goverener, became very active in my parish and attend an amateur dramatics group as well as completing various courses at my local college. I think if you want to settle somewhere it is something you have to pro actively work at.

Thanks for all the posts and that I am not the only one, I know it is down to me to feel better about this place (stop calling it a dump for a start).

Fingers crossed I will settle in soon.

I am now going to bore you all with decorating threads and interior design tips.

Custardo - lol at you being homesick .

Good luck I know it is hard, I am always calling my home town a dump but now that I am moving away I can see that I have actually had a good life here, but that mainly comes from the wonderful people I have met. It is also easier to see the good in a place when you know you are leaving.

I have been reading some research about happiness and have tried to employ some of the suggested methods in my own life and have found them to be really good. This mainly invlolves becoming active in your local community, getting regular exercise and telling yourself everyday about the positive things in your life - perhaps before bed or first thing in the morning. Sounds very simple and obvious but it has worked for me.

I think TS&P has hit the nail on the head. I moved to the UK from Ireland nearly 5 years ago and am still having trouble settling. I do get very lonely and miss my large family and wide social circle I left behind. We live in the same neighbourhood as dp's ex and the childrens bm so I find even going out a bit daunting and I have no desire to put down roots around here - However, we are going to be moving to a different area soon and I am very much looking forward to putting down roots.
On my last visit home although it was lovely to see my friends and family it was also lovely to come home to london, to where my new family is. I suppose what I'm trying to say is that although it's taken about 5 years I'm now actually looking forward to my future here

to be a bit off-message...my mum moved to the US decades ago, got married (quickly) had me and PND, was totally miserable. Get this she is still in same house! and still not fond of the place, no friends much in area. The effect on her offspring is that WE feel out of place wherever we go, don't settle or make friends easily either. I went back recently, and it is not a bad place at all, though I am still glad I don't live there-but now I am not happy where I am either. I grew up in a detached house with lots of land and big trees-semis crammed together on hostile urban streets with bare tiny gardens are all I can aspire to now. Maybe there isn't anywhere that is up to the happiness standard?

This is a warning that this can happen, years pass and you may never settle-and you can very easily pass those negative attitudes on to your kids. Nice legacy, huh?

Maybe the root problem is blaming the PLACE for your unhappiness. TS&P have you got any more pearls of wisdom from your researches?

I am writing an essay at the moment or I would post more.

The research I have been reading is by Richard stevens who is also to be featured in a BBC programme - the BBC challenged him to make the people of Slough happier - and he did - by following his guidelines.

I am sure if you did a google search on his name you would find more.

I was very sceptical of this as I am with much positive psychology when I first read about it but went to a lecture of his last week and have been trying out some of his ideas and already have noticed a difference - which considering that I suffer from clinical depression is quite amazing.

From memory other things included, watch less tv, have regular time with your partner where one of you sits and talks for ten minutes and the other listens with out interrupting. You tell youpr partner how this felt and then swap over. People who had a faith were likely to be happy - but again this was put down to ahving active involvement in a community. Doing a good deed every day makes you happy as does smiling a people in the street.

Sounds like good old fashioned commen sense TS&P

A lot of it is good old fashioned common sense Caremenere which is why I usualy have little time for positivistic psychology. But lots of us aren't doing these things and if a common sense study reminds us what we could do to improve our lives it is a good thing. The people of Slough seem to have benefitted anyway, it has also made the council look at ways it can facilitate happiness - not a bad idea in my opinion.

I also think we live in an age where people pop a pill for everything and it is good to here a psychologist telling us that we are - to a cerain extent - in charge of our happiness and ahve the power to improve the way we are feeling if we put some effort in.

There is much more to the study than I have said here but as usual am trying to rush an essay out at the last minute.

I left my home town 22 years ago when I got married. I really didn't feel settled here until 8 years ago when DS2 started at a school that I felt I belonged at. So you've got another 11 years?