Have I got my priorities wrong?

[mamajinks]

I feel awful. I have just sent my sister a really snotty email in response to an equally snotty one she sent to me. I did it in the heat of the moment and now I'm wishing I hadn't. To get straight to the point, in just over two weeks we (me, dh and ds) are moving from London to West Yorkshire. We currently live in a rented flat and we have to leave it clean and respectable in order to get our deposit back. This weekend we are going up to Yorkshire to finalise things with the house we are renting there which leaves the Bank holiday weekend as the last full weekend we will have for packing, cleaning and painting. Ds goes to bed at about 9pm these days so neither dh or I is in the mood for working in the evenings.

Ages ago, my sister and I talked about us all going to her place in Brighton on the Bank Holiday weekend. At the time none of us knew that we would be moving up North quite so soon. I had to email her to blow her out and she sent me the most unpleasant email along the lines of "Well, I guess you just need to do YOUR THING". I am so angry as the tone of her email implied that I was being selfish in cancelling her in order to sort out the flat.

In addition to this, I have also had to cancel a friend for this Saturday, as I need to meet our future Landlord at the house we are renting in Yorkshire on Saturday afternoon. This friend phoned me twice to tell me in no uncertain terms how let down she felt and that she probably won't be calling me again, EVER!?? I am utterly gobsmacked by her reaction and don't know what to do.

Am I selfishly neglecting the needs of my sister and friend? Am I making the wrong decisions here? I thought I knew what I was doing but their reaction has left me feeling positively evil.

I don't think either of them understands the situation I am in at the moment, neither of them have children, they both own their own lovely properties and my sister is currently on an 8 week jolly around the world which is why we are conducting our arguments by email. At present she is being very angry with me from the comfort of a luxury beach resort in Hawaii.

On a final note, I called dh for some support but he went off into a massive rant and called my sister a fing btch which really got my goat - you know how it is, nobody calls my sister names ..... except me of course! So now I've fallen out with dh. I can't do anything right.

Sorry it's such a rant, anybody got any words of advice?

Sound like you have a very full plate. Have you actually cost your sister money? Why can't she come visit you in Yorkshire, instead? Why can't your friend for the Saturday event reschedule?

Guess you can't make everybody happy.

Maybe you should try to explain to them how upset you are by their reaction and that you really are very stressed by the move and have little time because of your ds and offer to reschedule. Personally, I do think they are being unreasonable if you never normally cancel.

Ooof! You've really been shoved about, haven't you? I know what you mean in your 'on a final note' because I find I can't mouth off about family to my dh for the same reason. I guess that's why we've got Mumsnet! I don't know what you can do, other than explain the stress and difficulty of a long-distance move with a little one. Of course your move has to take priority. Perhaps your sister is angry because she's arranged her travel schedule according to your previous arrangements? Even so, you probably have far less lee-way to choose when you move, than she does to rearrange travelling.

Thanks for the responses. I have just sent a slightly calmer email to my sister outlining the scale of everything I have to do before I leave. I hope that she will read it and see reason.

boyandgirl - her travel plans have only ever been based around what she feels like doing. The loose plans we made to visit her on the Bank Holiday weekend were made months before she decided to go round the world and it's only coincidence that her return date is the Saturday of that weekend - why she would still want us to come over when she will be jet lagged and unpacked is beyond me - I suppose it boils down to the fact that she's free to act on her every whim and has few responsibilities.

Maybe that's also why you feel so hurt. Remember those days when you too were a DINKy? Now you don't have the priviledge of chopping and changing plans to suit yourself anymore.

Mamajinks - did you sister respond to the calmer email from you.
What are you going to do about your 'friend'?