Confused about my sexuality!

[GoldenHaze]

I'm not worried about this at all, but I'd appreciate other people's opinions. Ridiculous question for a 30-year old woman, but am I straight, gay or bi??

I have (and have only ever had) male partners. However, I've had a one-night stand with a woman I honestly wasn't very attracted to at all, so I don't know why I did it (I was single, and in my mind I've always blamed it on the booze - no harm done though).

In 'real life' I only ever fancy men. And I genuinely do really fancy men! I love 'manly' men too.

However, in 'sexual fantasy life' I can only be turned on at the thought of women and women's bodies. Thinking of men just doesn't do it.

So, I'm totally and utterly confused! I've never been tempted in real life (apart from the dodgy one-nighter) to be with a woman and the thought of snogging a woman makes me cringe.

I'm not suppressing the urge to be a lesbian because of homophobia, by the way. Absolutely not.

It's very weird. My friend (who's computer this is. I've set-up a new nickname on her account) thinks I'm bi-sexual.

As I say, it's not a worry. I'm very happy with my male partner and my imagination for other times. I'm just a bit cofused by it.

Anyway, thank you for reading!

Hi,

It makes no difference to my life at all. To be honest, only my closest friend knows that I'm only turned on thinking about women's bodies, but in real life only men do it for me. I honestly don't feel the need to discuss it with my partner. It's a naughty little private thing really!

I'm confused because it's a nonsense! A genuine nonsense!

So, if you only fancy women why are you with a man? Do you find it difficult in the bedroom if you don't fancy men?

don't worry about it- you just described soooo many women. Avoid labels if you can as they are not helpful (I do a lot of LGBT stuff and the "b" is such a spectrum (as is sexuality in general obviously) but mainly IMO they get a lot of bad press from both gays and straights so labelling yourself as such may not be ideal).

Oh and I totally get the alcohol induced sexuality thing- I'm a total lezz after I've had a few ! But personally I don't classify at all.

Start watching the L-word and all will be fine. ;)

Thanks both.

That's interesting to see that many other women have this 'issue', Thandeka. As I say, I'm genuinely unworried by it, but puzzled - how you can you be attracted to one in real life, but the other in imagination world?

I suppose the reason I wonder what other people think is to guage whether I am actually a 'label'; am I unusual (weird even!); am I very usual (boring and normal even!).

To be honest, it's also very refreshing to chat about this. I've kept it to myself not out of embarrasment but because I'm a fairly private person really.

Thanks again. :)

You fall in love with people, not genders anyhow really- no biggie.

And fantasy is very different to reality anyhow- you will find some women harbour rape fantasies- does that actually mean they want to be raped? Noooooooooo!

I think so long as you are clear and comfortable in yourself as to what is acceptable/best for you then all is fine. You don't need to classify it as anything (so speaks a former zoologist!)

Thanks, Thandeka.

Yep, I'm comfortable, just not very clear!

Thanks again, both.

What the others have said makes sense to me. If you're keen on a label, I'd also say you're bisexual.

It sounds as though you're happy, which is a good thing. :)

Thanks, commonsensesuze. :)

I'd say that you're bi too. Yes, it does seem confusing, but I bet lots of people have fantasies that they wouldn't play-out in real life. Interesting and odd (in a good way!)

Thanks, piathreetimes. Definitely odd, I think too! :)

No, I wouldn't say you're bi at all, just playing out a fantasy that was on the back of alcohol, which is known to loosen inhibitions.

Many, many women fantasise about being with other women, and finding women attractive? Well that's understandable as women have beautiful bodies, much nicer than a man's all hanging out body IMO and I am straight.

I have some naughty, wierd fantasies that I wouldn't dream of sharing with anyone else, but would I like to enact them in real life? Certainly not. I have been with another woman once before, but tha doesn't make me bi or a lesbian because it doesn't feel right to me.

It was purely about sex. I couldn't see myself being in a relationship with another woman.

So, no I think you are straight and perfectly normal in the sense that your fantasy life is a world away from your real-life.

Thanks themulledbloodsonme. :)

I sometimes fantasise about women but the minute I think of trying it out in real life, realise it isn't my thing. I wouldn't call myself bi, however, labels aren't that important to me either.