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Original poster

ABout to kill himself?

14 replies

CNMCHR · 03/10/2010 22:15

Apologies for the cowardly name change

If you have had a text from someone with history of self harm saying he is about to kill himself, but he has often said he is going to kill himself just to upset you, and all you know is he on a train and you don't know where to, what would you do

OP posts:
Doodlez · 03/10/2010 22:16

Call his mother / brother / sister/ father....

Is this a friend?

watsthestory · 03/10/2010 22:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

3littlefrogs · 03/10/2010 22:17

I think I would contact as many of his friends/family as I could to see if anyone knew where he was, and/or could meet him or contact him.

Horrible situation for you.Sad

Original poster
CNMCHR · 03/10/2010 22:21

my ex! he has no family, his last relative died 2 years ago, no friends that i ahve contact numbers for, he was always very controlling and often said things to annoy or upset me, he is homeless and tonight i think he was hoping to stay although he didn't ask to. I told him i needed to get the children settled and he left, then came back and banged on the door saying are you happy now and then left again and the texts started

OP posts:
Doodlez · 03/10/2010 22:22

OK CNMCHR?

Have you managed to contact anyone?

GypsyMoth · 03/10/2010 22:23

you've posted before about him i think?

wheres the train headed?

Original poster
CNMCHR · 03/10/2010 22:24

no idea what train

OP posts:
Doodlez · 03/10/2010 22:24

Ahhhh - very old controlling trick CNMCHR.

I've never been in this situation but I've heard of it many, many times before and I've vowed that I would NOT get dragged in and be made responsible by the other person should it ever happen to me.

He's an Ex - so he's got to be responsible for himself.

If he chooses to turn the lights out, then IT IS HIS CHOICE and HIS responsibility.

IMO

PotPourri · 03/10/2010 22:29

What doodlez said. Sounds like he is goading you tbh. But that aside - it is HIS CHOICE. HIS RESPONSIBILTY. HIS LIFE - yes, it's hard when there are kids involved, but it is still his life and choice.

Keep yourself busy. There is nothing else you can do, you don't know where he is or going. You can't do anything. And he probably knows this.

So sorry you are going through this

Snorbs · 03/10/2010 22:46

What would I do? I can tell you the two different ways I've handled this situation with my ex.

The first way was to immediately start phoning and texting my ex to try to get a response. That would then usually be followed by a couple of hours on the phone to ex with the conversation going round and round in circles. I'd then be so stressed I could barely sleep while getting frequent phone calls and texts from ex at all hours. I tried that way quite a few times.

The second way was when my ex phoned told me of yet another suicide attempt, I phoned for an ambulance. And then washed my hands of the whole thing.

Funnily enough, since the time I phoned an ambulance (that ex turned away, I still don't know if it was a real suicide attempt or a complete fabrication) I've never had a similar phone call again.

If you can, get the professionals involved - either the ambulance service or the police. If you can't, as you can't in this situation, realise that it's not your responsibility. If he can send you a text he could dial 999 for himself. You are not responsible for his choices. He's a grown-up. Try to let it go.

tiredlady · 03/10/2010 22:54

sounds manipulative to me.
Text him back and tell him to seek help.
Ignore all further texts.

If he has done this before he is doubtless getting something from all the fuss and attention.

Don't get sucked into responding to this behaviour as it will reinforce it and make it more likely to happen again

pluperfect · 03/10/2010 23:09

When he banged on the door, did he give you a chance to open it, or was it just to make a noise? If he went away too quickly for you to open, you definitely know that he was not asking for help. If not, shouting "Are you happy now" sounds as though he had already made his mind up.

I hope this breakdown of the situation helps?

As for finding the train, this will tell you what trains leave your station on a Sunday night (try next Sunday), and Live Departure Boards could help you to track the trains which have left your station, provided it was recent.

I hope you manage to get a good night's sleep. Call the police/emergency services and then turn off the phone.

Original poster
CNMCHR · 04/10/2010 07:44

thanks everyone, i ahd already more or less decided on the ignoring texts, turning phone on sort of thing, not really thinkin he would kill himself. Has mentioned it so mnay times he would have done it by now if he was going to I think. But, being the father of my children, and them all thinking the world of him (being the wonderful dad he is ahem) , made it very hard. I just wasn't sure on the police thingy, as i didn't want to waste their time, but was worried in case this time he was serious

Anyway, heard nothing this morning, turned my phone back on after getting half an hour sleep(!) no more texts

OP posts:
pluperfect · 04/10/2010 14:56

Sorry you had a bad night's sleep.I hope you manage to catch up tonight!

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