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Original poster

advice please from parents of children who go to childminders..

22 replies

helsi · 07/09/2005 19:47

Out of interest whose children go to childminders? How many days a week do they go and how does your child cope/behave about doing so?

I have had the guilt trip laid on me today about paying a childminder 3x5 hour days and I feel dreadful now this evening. I really wish I could stay at home but I just can't at the moment.

OP posts:
katymac · 07/09/2005 19:50

Aw Helsi, who laid the guilt trip on you?

Was it your little one or someone else?

An awful lot of children really benefit from being at a C/Mers and loads really enjoy it.

I'm soryy your feeling so bad about it all

hewlettsdaughter · 07/09/2005 19:52

My dd (16 months) goes to a childminder 5 days a week, from 7.45 am until 2.30/3.30 pm. She's fine about it, goes out and about with the childminder and see other children while I'm at work.

Who laid the guilt trip? Think you should ignore!

Original poster
helsi · 07/09/2005 19:52

it was my mum. i think she did it without realising but being pg I think I was a bit sensitive.

OP posts:
hewlettsdaughter · 07/09/2005 19:54

Say no more. Mums. Pregnancy. Ignore! Ignore! Ignore!

blossom2 · 07/09/2005 19:54

DD1 went to a wonderful childminder for almost 2 years and only stoped because we moved aboard. she loved it there and behaved. The childminder never that to use the naughty step with her btu with me, some days it feels like she could set up home there .

DD1 has benefited greatly from being at our childminder - made lots of friends, great social skills, sharing etc... i could go on forever. She never had a problem leaving me although would cry when i picked her up!!

In fact she's going back to the same childminder in November (i hope, she still has places)

katymac · 07/09/2005 19:54

You shouldn't feel guilty at all

Did she bring up you totally by her self or did she have sisters/mum/cousins who could give her a hour off now and then.......

Anyway working may not what you want but what you need to do atm

Original poster
helsi · 07/09/2005 19:55

M&D picked her up as I had dr appt. The childminder had taken dd on a walk to the schools to pick up the kids she has in the pm. DD was knackered following the walk. when I got home dad phoned to say that he and mum didn't want dd doing that walk again and that they would pick dd up at 2.30 each day next week also to keep the cost down for us. then he let slip that mum had said she never thought a grandchild of hers would go to a childminders.

OP posts:
hewlettsdaughter · 07/09/2005 19:58

Oh dear

Accept the help offered if it will help you, but don't feel you have to! It's up to you how you arrange childcare for your dd, not your parents, after all.

katymac · 07/09/2005 19:58

But walking is (normally) good for littles (how old is she, is it too far?)

It's a nice offer but would 3 different environments in 1 dat be too much for her?

Or would she adapt?

KBear · 07/09/2005 19:59

The childminder walks her to school, she is tired, you pick up child that will presumably sleep all night! How old is she? Surely the cm wouldn't make her walk ridiculous distances. Walking is good for children right?

I would take grandparents with pinch of salt and YOU decide when DD is collected from cm not them.

hewlettsdaughter · 07/09/2005 20:02

congrats on the pregnancy by the way

Original poster
helsi · 07/09/2005 20:02

it was quite a long way but the c/m asked her is she wanted the buggy and dd said "no". She is 3 in Dec.

OP posts:
goosey · 07/09/2005 20:03

My ds goes to a childminder 20hrs per week (2x10hrs)and he loves it. I have never had even the teensiest bit of doubt over his happiness with her and her home and routines. I am also a childminder myself and appreciate how hard it can be for parents. My son is 3 so not able to grill me about sending him to childminder - and it's all he's ever known anyway.
If an older child were to sense that you really want to be with them they would know exactly which heartstring to pull to induce the most guilt. Kids are experts at that! But unless you have any nagging doubts about the quality of your child's care and support at his childminders
there is nothing to feel guilty about. Sad that you can't do what you would really prefer to and stay home but not guilty.

goosey · 07/09/2005 20:09

Oh dear - insensitive mothers can also be a pain in the butt. Congratulations on your pregnancy and listen to KBear - she speaks sense.

Original poster
helsi · 07/09/2005 20:13

thanks everyone. I do feel right about the c/m. she is a lady from church and so is a good person. she is a mother herself of two grown up children. She only charges me £2.00 per hour and that includes feeding dd too. can't grumble really.

I do think the guilt side is prob on my mum as she feels that children should be with parents and/or grandparents and i think she feels awful that she can't have dd more as she is not in good health. She has her 2 days a week for me.

OP posts:
Katemum · 07/09/2005 20:16

Maybe she was not trying to make you feel guilty. Could she have been feeling guilty herself that her ill health means she cannot help you more?

Original poster
helsi · 07/09/2005 20:18

yes i think so KM - tha'ts what I as trying to say.

OP posts:
Littlefish · 07/09/2005 20:19

My dd goes 8.30 - 5.30 two days a week. I think she will really benefit from being with other children during the week. My MIL offered to have her (she already has her once a week), but I think that DD would end up very spoiled as she is so very, very loved and indulged by her grandparents. Whilst I love the fact that she have one day a week to spend with her grandparents, I want her to spend time with other people too. I like and trust the childminder as she is also a family friend.

I'm sure your parents are only doing what they think is best, but it's not up to them. What do you think is best for your child? Do you think the walk is too far? Could you lend your childminder your buggy?

sis · 07/09/2005 20:20

Well, ds is going to be seven in November and has been going to his childminder since he was three months old (phased in his time there from a few minutes in the first week to a couple of 'full' days in the week before I went back to work when he was six months old). I am now lucky enough to be able to work part-time so ds is with childminder three days a week before and after school. Ds is is not a boisterous personality but seeing all the children at the childminders over the years has helped him cope with different children and he has made good friends with some of them. When he started school, it was reassuring for him to know older children in the school who would keep an eye out for him without me asking them to do so!

I am sorry that you parents appear to be critcising your choices/decisions which I am sure you will have made after a great deal of consideration and soul searching.

Littlefish · 07/09/2005 20:20

"has one day" not "have one day"

Katemum · 07/09/2005 20:23

Mine have been at a child minders or nursery since they were young and have always been fine.
All you can really do is reassure your mum that you think you have made the right decision for your daughter and are grateful for the help that your mum is able to give you.
This is your decision and not your mum's.

Katemum · 07/09/2005 20:24

Sorry, I sounded really bossy there.

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