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Original poster

Would Social Services really do this?

15 replies

SofiaAmes · 20/09/2010 00:18

Dh's ex says that their ds who is 15 1/2 has left her house because he doesn't get on with her boyfriend and after sleeping on social services doorstep for 3 nights they have finally agreed to rehouse him in a hostel. She claims that although the hostel has a bed, there are no sheets or other necessities and they aren't giving him any food or living expenses. She claims that ss have said that she needs to pay for these things and is asking us to pay for half of them. Is this a likely scenario. Would social services really tell a special needs 15.5 year old who goes to a special school for children with behavioral problems that he has to fend for himself for food and basic necessities after rehousing him in a hostel because of his mother's violent boyfriend?

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paisleyleaf · 20/09/2010 00:20

Can he not live with you?

MrsShrekTheThird · 20/09/2010 00:22

I don't know... does it mean that someone is getting a fairly reasonable amount of money on his behalf (like the ex) which should be used to buy his stuff? Most teens with special needs who I know much about do get allowances, paid to their carer until they are 19. But social services should be in a position to sort out the finances, imho

KristinaM · 20/09/2010 00:22

if your DH is the boys father, why doesnt he talk to Ss about his son?

MrsShrekTheThird · 20/09/2010 00:22

I wondered the same, Paisley

Original poster
SofiaAmes · 20/09/2010 00:25

His mother would never allow it. We spent lots of money fighting for the most basic access to the kids and phone calls and occasional visits in mediation were all we got. Ex really worked the system. We now live in the USA with dh going back and forth, so not an option to have dss with us at this point because of us immigration issues.

I wouldn't have a problem helping dss, but if it's spare money it will either go into drugs for him or his mother or her boyfriend. So want to put the money directly into something he needs, but if he doesn't need the stuff she is claiming, the money would mean my kids go without, so would prefer not to spend it.

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Original poster
SofiaAmes · 20/09/2010 00:26

We have tried to have conversations with ss over the years (starting with one after the armed drug raid on ex's house), but ss have been alarmingly unwilling to discuss anything with dh.

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TheCrackFox · 20/09/2010 00:26

My mum is a housing officer so my knowledge is sketchy at best but she has talked of 16yrs+ going into hostels and then claiming JSA for living expenses. However, it doesn't sound possible/legal for a 15.5yr old to be treated like this. I may be wrong of course.

paisleyleaf · 20/09/2010 00:27

Oh that sounds a really sad situation all round.
Is there a way you DH can speak directly with his social worker as MrsShrek says?

paisleyleaf · 20/09/2010 00:28

sorry x-post there.

Original poster
SofiaAmes · 20/09/2010 00:30

TheCrackFox, it sounds fishy to me which is why I'm asking. Wondering if you might be able to ask your mum if such a scenario is actually possible? And why wouldn't they be taking all the other kids in the house (much younger) away if it's so dangerous that dss needs to be rehoused?
Thanks....have to run out...will check in in a few hours.

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Original poster
SofiaAmes · 20/09/2010 08:43

bump.....

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bigchris · 20/09/2010 09:01
Sad whydid your dh move to the US when he knew one day his ds would hopefully wise up to his mum and leave home? Sorry not judging but didng he think this might happen?
GypsyMoth · 20/09/2010 09:16

maybe ss are more involved than you think??

how about school? anything been said there? he will still need to attend

lisad123isgoingcrazy · 20/09/2010 09:40

if they deem him to be capable of living alone and cannot place him in fostercare they may place him in supported housing. He cannot claim benifits till 16year old and because SS have no parental responsiability for him (as in they didnt remove him and his not in care system) they cant claim, however mum should be claiming and handing money to him.
It is possible they have done this and if I were you I would call the hostel directly and speak to staff there.

Original poster
SofiaAmes · 20/09/2010 10:06

Thank you so much lisad123...that sounds like exactly what has happened. Mum does claim, but doesn't necessarily hand over. We will try to contact dss (his mobile has disappeared in the midst of this) or the hostel and figure out what he really needs. I just didn't want to go to the efforts if this was another of his mother's fake crises (there have been many over the years).

Unfortunately dragonfly68, I can't imagine how ss could possibly leave all her other children with her, if they were actually involved. He has been attending a special needs school for children with behavioral problems sporadically. Dh has spoken with the school and dss and said that his pocket money only happens if he attends the school a minimum of 3 days a week (that's all the school were insisting on). I don't know if he started up again after the summer....dh will now have to check on that too.

bigchris...you cannot even begin to imagine what dh has been through to have access to his children and be a father to them, so please stop judging....as it happens dh did not move to us. He lives in the uk, we live in the us. We have always had an open door for his children, but the uk system does not offer equal rights to fathers so dh has not been able to have an equal say in the upbringing of his children. He fought tooth and nail to have his ds statemented for 5 years during which the mum sabotaged every meeting. He fought for another year to have his ds NOT medicated for a disability he did not have which his mum got extra money for. The stories go on and on. Please don't judge. I was looking for advice which lisa has very kindly given and let's leave it at that.

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