Can a leopard change its spots.....me I mean.

[spittingfeathers]

Firstly I would like to know anyone who have changed the way they are.

You might of read an example about the picking me up situation last night, well these sorts of things are dime a dozen with me. they happen all the time. I see the worst and think the worst in everything.

I critisize others that are close to me, ie dh, dd and parents and siblings, I take all there actions as to personally hurt me. I moan if dh doesn't get DD dressed then if he did I moan that he didn't put something suitable on, when in truth it was okay.

I really need some help on this. Don't feel like I can go to the doctors and want to sort this out on my own first.

I was like this for a few years (still am a little!). I went to see my GP and was diagnosed with mild depression. Of course this is by no means a diagnosis for you but perhaps it would be wirth looking further into ?

I was like this for a few years (still am a little!). I went to see my GP and was diagnosed with mild depression. Of course this is by no means a diagnosis for you but perhaps it would be worth looking further into ?

I've also had to come to terms with being a bit of a control freak !

I am also a bit of a control freak, I always check what dh is doing (eg, if he is making the bed to make sure he is doing it properly!) - my way is the right way. I also think it is par for the course when you have kids as you can't control them and you turn into a really amenable person, helping out friends in crises, picking dh up from work on time etc, and because of children you get used to cahnagin your plans all the time. You just want the same considerations for yourself but unfortunatlely its not going to happen.

I read your thread on the picking up thing and would agree that dh wasn't in the wrong but it is annoying as he should have been so looking forward to seeing you he should have been early anyway!!

Your comments about the getting dressed thing are sooo like me! However I am learning to chill. I also take things personally as I try so hard not to offend anyone - are you sure you are not me!

It might be worth talking to your health visitor and perhaps getting her to "come for a chat" for a few weeks. Thats what they are there for, you don't have to go to the dr. My hv is really nice and I enjoy talking to her when I get the chance and as a bonus she has seen lots of people who are total basket cases so she can give some perspective. Hope that's not too much of a waffle and I hope it helps. LOL

By the way, having read my post I sound like one of those basket cases but I am not!

If you recognise a pattern in your behaviour that you don't like, then you are on the road already to being able to change it.
I think people can certainly change, but sometimes behaviour comes from an underlying emotional issue, and to change the behaviour you need to get to grips with the emotional issue - this is not easy to do. A good counsellor may be useful to you.
Hugs,
Daisylawn

I hope I've managed to change myself a little bit. Not too much! Two things I've really worked hard on are 'Does it really matter?' and 'It's their problem not mine'. I too used to get huffy about dh dressing the children, so now before I say anything to him I say to myself 'Does it really matter that her shirt clashed with her trousers?' (or whatever) and of course it doesn't. When I find myself taking something as a personal attack I say this mantra 'They have a problem. They wwere nasty because of their problem. The problem is nothing to do with me so the nastiness is nothing to do with me.' That's the harder one to deal with. It took me a long time to find myself responding automatically with the mantra and genuinely not feeling hurt. Asking the hv to come and see you is a good idea. I had pnd with no1 and was terrified that it would happen again with no2, and talked to the hv about this. The changes in my thinking were things I learnt from haaving pnd, and that, together with talking to the hv and getting my fears into the open, were I think magjor factors in my not getting pnd again.

You don't need to sort it out on your own. Yes, in the long run it is you who will make the changes that help, but others will guide and support you.