Disorganised Chaos!

[Jodee]

Help! I am starting to sink under the mess and muddle that I call my house. It's not that my house is dirty (not by my standards anyway) - I am managing to keep on top of the housework, (apart from dusting)in fact I probably spend too much time cleaning and hoovering, when my son is asleep - I think it's important to spend quality time with him when he is awake, not cleaning the house. I don't want to get into a debate about how much help we get from our partners with the housework (my husband does all his own ironing, so he is a complete saint in my eyes).
To get to the point - I can't get to grips with the other stuff, particularly paperwork. I'm one of those 'just in case' people - for example, some rubbishy circular will come through the letterbox and I will put it to one side, just in case. The same goes for bank statements, till receipts, those mini statements you get from the hole-in-the-wall... the list goes on. My bedside cabinet is piled high with stuff, mainly because the drawers are already stuffed full! My husband is getting irritated with me now as my stuff is starting to encroach onto his side of the bedroom and he is threatening to get a black sack and chuck every piece of paper lying around into it.
Things started to go from bad to worse when ds was born 16 months ago; I would really like to get on top of this thing before no 2 comes along, which is nearly in the pipeline.
There was another thread about mess and untidiness and someone mentioned a site called LifeCoachingAcademy.com which sounded like it would be helpful, but it is under construction.
Please tell me I am not the only one like this, and any help would be very gratefully received, before I completely turn into my mother, who is 100 times worse (in fact my husband won't even let me take my ds round to her house, she has to come to us!)

I'm afraid that I do Winnie!. We are very lucky to have a cleaner for 3 hours a week but I'm afraid I simply cannot bear it if our house isn't in tip top shape. Both my husband and I have loads of energy and rarely sit down. Friends always comment wonderingly on how immaculate our house and garden are but the answer is - with lots of hard work!.

I;m afraid our son is also always very well turned out. He comes out and about with us everywhere and I am a great believer in the fact that people will be much more tolerant of toddlers if they have neatly pressed clothes and combedhair etc. And as for me, well I'm afraid its make up and heels!!.

I have just always been a very organised person and I put a lot of foward planning into everything. I can't help it so don't hate me please....

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Don't worry Bloss - just about all my female friends hate me!

Croppy, sounds wonderful! Don't leave us in suspense, though. What exactly do you both do to achieve this state of bliss?

Any useful household tips gratefully received!

Well, I buy absolutely everything that I possibly can over the net (and I mean everything from cosmetics to books to toys, presents etc). I get my shopping delivered from Sainsbury's. I never leave a room or go upstairs empty handed. I bought the biggest possible fridge/freezer our kitichen would acommodate. I cook for my husband every night but usually try and make enough for 2 or even more meals at a time (at any time I probably have around 6 weeks worth of evening meals in the freezer). I never sleep for more than 7 - 8 hours a night (don't need to). I never let mess accumulate - any mail that doesn't absolutely have to keep goes in the bin and I clean up as I go along when I cook. I have a big American washing machine and 2 big drying cupboards which means fewer and larger loads. Rarely watch tv but listen to Radio 4 instead which is conducive to getting on with jobs. I have 2 hoovers - one on the top floor and one in the basement which makes it a lot easier to quickly clean up a mess. Also keep scrubbing brushes and cleaning stuff at a couple of different locations so spillages can be quickly dealt with (our house is 4 storeys). I clean the kitchen floor every night before going to bed - it doesn't necessarily need it but it prevents the build up of dirt.

I always lay out my work outfit the night before (checking tights for ladders!) and make sure everything I need is in the right place.

All this makes me sould like some sort or automaton/nut. I guess it is just the way I was brought up as my mother had a very high powered job and 4 children and coped seamlessly. We are all different but for me, walking into a neat, clean house and sitting down to a delicious home cooked meal is important for my sanity!.

Of course, the key to it all is having a good cleaner and having good equipment, which in practical terms means a decent amount of money.

My word Croppy. I'm amazed! Actually you remind me of hubbies step sister. She always looks immaculate and her house is always pristine. To add insult to injury her little boy (he's 2) is also always immaculately turned out. In fact, last October we had a birthday party on a farm for my one year old and her little boy not only turned up in a cream jacket but it was still cream when he left! I won't tell you what my kids looked like!

PS I hate her too!

Tee hee!. I would say that when I refer to my son as being well turned out, I am only referring to when we set off for a restaurant lunch or an outing. I'm afraid I have a terrible weakness for clothes and that extends to my son.. of course when we're out playing football or whatever he looks a terrible scruff.

Time for another confession then. The sort of women whom I "hate" are the ones where you get invited for dinner at 7.30/8.0 and due to extreme crapness, you all manage to sit down at around 10/10.30 which means finally finishing your evening meal after midnight... Most of my friends fall into this category and more often than not, it is me who ends up cooking the dinner!. I just wish people could accept their shortcomings and so, just do a very simple meal!!. Getting home at 1am isn't a lot of fun when your working day starts at 6.45am.

Oh and the other women I "hate" are those who refuse to indulge in a good goss or say anything remotely mean about anyone else. I have a friend whose mantra is "each to their own" or similar. She won't say a bad word against ANYBODY - even celebs. Infuriating!!.

Croppy, don't hate you just wish I was you! Ha! Although, seriously, I can manage the house and the children, the paperwork and the cooking; organisation is definately the key, but the one thing that always seems to pay the price is me! I've seen some recent pictures of myself and I am utterly alarmed. I look exhausted! I am sure that I've aged drastically in the eighteen months since the start of my pregnancy! I get time out for me which at the moment I use productively exercising (I am getting fit once again finally) but somehow I always look as if I've just thrown something on (which to be honest I usually have)and my roots need doing,(infact I could do with a restyle) and my nails are appalling and I am so fed up with marks on my clothes! I was until I went on maternity leave incredibly particular. I hate not being together but somehow I have lost me along the way. Do other women find they cope with most things but when it comes to themselves they are simply not the number one priority? Any tips for dealing with the exhausted look?

if you know tell me too!

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I never cease to be shocked at how drawn and tired many of my female friends with young children look. To me it seems to reflect how utterly selfless most women are when it comes to their own families - their own needs seem to be always placed well behind everyone else's which in most cases means that their own needs never get any attention. This seems a terrible shame to me abnd it seems the only answer is to become a bit more selfish.

I have a 6 weekly hair appointment and a 4 weekly facial appointment which I have in my lunch break - couldn't live without 'em.

RE Housework: Definitely with you, Croppy on the never-leaving-a-room-empty-handed tactic. My major housework 'tip'. Converted my husband to this practice, too.

A few weeks ago my inlaws came up to stay. Cue panic spring clean including scrubbing all walls clean of finger marks, tidying away or polishing every single thing on our mantlepieces, and hoovering the living room twice in one day. I am still basking in the glory of an unusually clean, orderly house. Big plus - it is now so much easier to keep clean and straight on a day to day basis. Is this an answer?

RE Not looking exhausted: A light fake tan or tinted moisturiser over the face, blusher, mascara, eyebrow pencil and anti shine gel for me! I can make up anywhere, now, in 2 minutes. And if pushed, can do it without a mirror. My hair is really fine and unruly. Pretty nasty actually! I always carry around a scarf and some small hair clips in my bag to avoid the worst of those windswept moments.

And of course sunglasses cover a multitude of evils.

Still don't look exactly what you'd call 'groomed'. Mind you, I never, ever did!

Croppy - impressive!

You put paid to all those irritating working-mum stereotypes. You're supposed to look tired, unkempt and have apple puree pasted above your left eyebrow! Have you got your husband well-trained or is it just down to you? I am very jealous about the 6-week cooking reserve. I wish I could think just 1 day ahead. Do you use cookery books and bulk cook, or just make it up as you go along??

Croppy - such levels of domesticity are something to which I aspire but don't achieve v often for a multitude of reasons the main one being my dh. He is the son of an obsessively clean & tidy mother (our house is scrubbed from top to bottom when she is due to visit, including unscrewing the glass from the oven to clean in between the panes) but assumes that it just magically happens (she is quite old fashioned - men are there to be run around after, not to help!). How much does your husband do? Does he help lots?

Forward planning is definitely key to maintaining sanity and I am with you on proper dinners - it keeps me feeling like a grown up.

PS we are about to go away for a few days and dh has just asked if I was planning on packing Harry's buggy and travel cot in the car to go to my parents because if we do he won't have room for his guitar amp!!! (NB if I am planning on packing...!)

My, how strange! I thought my dirty little secret would attract lots of loathing.... My hubby doesn't do any domestic tasks (as he plaintively and rather sweetly says "I just can't do things as well as you!!") but he is fab at looking after our son and also very good as regards the garden, DIY, rubbish, the car and any other similar tasks. Like me, he has lots of energy and we are always pretty much on the go.

I absolutely adore cooking and find it very very satisfying and it is definitely my favourite way to relax after a day at work. Part of the bulk cooking thing is derived from the fact that I really like to be in a position to invite people for dinner at the last mo - I just really enjoy casual, relaxed evenings with friends around the kitchen table and I'm not sure you can do this and work full time unless you are prepared in advance. I could bore you for hours Lil with what's in my freezer but the key things I always have in there are a couple of litres of really good home-made chicken stock (invaluable for everything from soup to tagines), filling for fish pie and chicken and pie, home made tomato sauce, basic bolognese sauce, egg whites (meringue based puds are very quick and easy), ready rolled puff and short crust pastry and a good supply of a variety of meat.

Other things I do though are if we are having people to dinner, I sometimes make a large leek and parmesan risotto for us the night before. I then get the leftover risotto, add a beaten egg and fry in butter (in 2" rounds) and serve as risotto cakes with smoked salmon and creme fraiche as a yummy starter for the dinner party. I do a lot of things like this which make for a fairly impressive meal but actually are pretty much stress free on the evening and also give my husband and I a meal out of it "for free". There are lots of things you can do like this.

Sigh, if only I could leave investment banking and make a living from cooking!.

Cooking is where our paths diverge, Croppy. I admire those with cookery skills,love having food cooked for me, eagerly await dinner party invitations - but I hate cooking.

I feel duty-bound to nourish the children, but that's about it. I had a really bad experience when I was in my early 20's which turned me against the whole cooking thing. I went out with a boyfriend who was a rather cosy type. The fires of passion were soon extinguished(on my side at least) but he became a very good friend. He used to rave about my rather average cooking and insist I cook him meals on his frequent visits, while raiding the biscuit jar and wolfing down my mother's cakes. He even got her baking for him. He was so greedy! It was like having a cuckoo in my nest. I very quickly went off the whole idea of nurturing him in this way and instructed my flatmates not to feed him at all.

The feeling of being tied down by other people's cooking expectations of me has remained. The precision timing and the rituals of cooking make me feel very claustrophobic. Motherhood with all its expectations has only served to reinforce this. Without children I may have come round to cooking eventually. But with them I feel domesticated enough already.

I'm not proud of this, but I can't help it!

Funny, I don't feel that way at all. Quite the contrary in fact. For me, cooking is one of the few areas in my life where I feel I can do anything creative - at least on a regular basis.

I can see where you are coming from though Tigermoth. I have become a bit disenchanted by the behaviour of a few of my husband's male friends who treat my kitchen as a non- stop food supply for them. A couple of them have taken to consuming ludicrous amounts of food at our table out of pure greed. And we do have a cast of regulars who I have been cooking for for years and yet never manage to bring a bottle of wine or any other offering... I do think it is easy for women to be taken advantage of in this regard but all in all, I value a warm kitchen filled with baking smells above the irritation of a few gluttonous men.

Croppy,
I can't believe you have friends who would turn up for dinner without so much as a bottle of wine. How rude is that....Or is that just how I think? By the way, if you invite me to dinner I'll bring a crate of wine. Your dinner parties sound fab.

I also hate women you can't bitch with. Previously mention step sister fits that bill. She's really 'nice'....yuck! I'll just have to bitch about her to my friends instead!

Winnie,
I know the feeling. My house isn't particularly clean due to the amount of DIY going on (can't wait until it's all finished. I will then be getting a cleaner, definitely) but it does tend to be tidy. I'm obsessive about the kitchen and the kids toys being tidy before I can relax in the evening. The paperwork is done and all the accounts are up to date (I too open post by the bin/recycle bin...and have a tray system - bills to be paid/receipts to go one the personal account system, work-in-progress and then filing). I have a small filing cabinet with all important paperwork stashed away and a personal organiser that all addresses/dates/little bits of info are stored in...including a to do list. Birthday presents/card etc are purchased in one shopping trip at the beginning of each month (if I haven't already bought things over the web)...I do all my banking by phone and like Croppy shop by internet where possible. The washing is done weekly so no one has to wear mismatching socks. Luckily I work from home 3 days a week and use ths time...in the past I used to run the machine overnight. I don't do ironing (if the creases don't fall out on hanging the clothes don't get worn!). I do the DIY at weekends and lunch breaks.....It's not perfect but somehow it all seems to hang together. But somehow I seem to miss time for myself too. I get my hair done every 6-8 weeks and always end up feeling guilty for the time it takes! Hubbie is very good with the kids but has very little time as well as he has just taken on a full time job as well as running his own business. If I had one wish I'd add a couple of extra hours to each day. I've just found a local evening class that I've decided to sign up for to get a bit of me time. I still won't be wearing make up and will have the architypal drool marks on my shoulder and hand prints on my leg but I'm hoping it'll relieve the stress a bit!

Well, it's not Croppy cooking in our house, it's definitely crappy cooking! I have vowed that on Sept 5th when ds starts nursery 2 mornings a week, I will spend time in the kitchen with Delia and her cooking for plonkers video.

Downstairs is fairly tidy, yippee. Upstairs is a tip. Probably because I walk up to do it and come on Mumsnet instead!

I adore cooking - I really got into it at University when I discovered chopping things as relief from study! I then discovered the cost thing where real food could take as short a time to prepare as "ready meals" but costed a fraction of the price and tasted infinitely better. I am a real Nigel Slater devotee and getting into Nigella (her hands free raspberry jam has to be the easiest jam in the world). Now that we have the small child entertaining at home has become even more prolific and the best tip from my midwife of stocking up the freezer pre-birth has carried on and been a bonus esp since I work 4 days per week. But I don't think that I would be so enthusiastic an entertainer if it weren't for the dishwasher! All I need now is a nice lady who does...

How does the hands free jam work....Gotta make some jam as the fruit trees in our garden are about to topple over with the amount of fruit on them....The advantage of a wet winter??

Have only done rasps (as that's all she suggests and I am a follow recipes to the letter person). Basically 250g of rasps in baking tray alongside 250g caster sugar in another baking tray (so that it can all spread out). Put in preheated oven (180 degrees c) for 25 minutes (ish). All gets v hot; add sugar to rasps; stir; put in warm sterile jar. No effort at all esp as I got my rasps pre-weighed from the fruit farm and the sugar can in a 500g bag (I doubled the quantity). Stays quite tart and raspberry-ish which I really like. Keep in the fridge once it has cooled. Easy peasy!!! Quite tempted to stray from the recipe path and do with other soft berries like redcurrants. I don't think that it would work with strawberries. Happy jam making.

Just a quick one for Jodee and anybody else struggling with clutter - highly recommend Clear Your Clutter with Feng Shui by Karen Kingston. Don't be put off by the title as not much of it is about feng shui, most of it's about why we keep things and the effect this has on our lives. It's a really energising book - I read it and just had to have a massive clear out - 5 binbags and still going.
Also, www.lifecoachingacademy.com is out of action until about 20th August. If you want any info about coaching in the meantime have a look on my site www.joannemallon.com

Thanks Joanne for the book info, and also about your site. It really is a good idea; unfortunately, along with a cleaner, dishwasher, etc. out of my budget, I'm afraid.