Yes. I get this way too.
My birthday never mattered when I was growing up. I would sometimes pluck up the courage to ask my mum if I could have a friend over, and she would invite her but not mention to her mother it was my birthday. How embarassing was that when my sisters would let slip. Poor girl wasn't even a close friend but only person from primary school who lived close enough to ask. One time this girl came over and it wasn't my birthday but she brought a present just in case it was!
My secondary school was too far away to have friends over from.
Plus I was too embarassed to bring them home after my mother lectured me on period leaks in my knickers in front of two of them the first time I plucked up enough courage to ask a friend to stay overnight. I was so embarassed I never asked anyone home ever again.
Also being unhappily adopted it hit home even more that my birthday mattered not one jot to them. No memories or anything like that to share. I don't remember my father being around for a single birthday from the age of about 9. He was off doing work things, often abroad. I don't remember any birthdays before that either, maybe I was too young to remember, or maybe they were just forgettable.
And then I would get stupid presents like a jumper (june birthday) for my 16th because my parents were both off abroad and that was all mum could be bothered to find before they went.
I always go to such an effort to find a gift that the person will like (Not one that I like and hope they will, or that will do, but something I know they collect or have asked for or will use). Maybe because I know how horrible it is when someone gets you some cheap tat that I would never want, use, or choose for myself.
I get so fed up of smiling politely and saying how nice at yet another awful gift, when really it's just so rubbish that people don't care enough to think about what you actually want, or ask you if you want anything specific. I'm a lone parent on limited income and there are so many things I need or could use I could reel off a huge long lists of ideas for gifts if anyone bothered asking. Maybe I'm an ungrateful cow, but I really try not to show it.
I remember on my 16th getting the most hideous brown demin and yellow lace mini skirt and tassle top. It was awful and I never ever wore it, not once.
I had of course gone looking for gift to see what they had got me that year so I could prepare myself for the disappointment. When I found the bag with it in I was so shocked at it I couldn't believe it was really what my mum had bought for me. At least I had enough time to get over the horror and prepare myself for receiving it.
I plastered a smile on my face and said how lovely and thank you very much (as I had been taught to do out of politeness and had been drummed into me throughout my childhood). My mum yelled at me later that day saying I was only ever happy when they bought me stuff. Obviously I had succeeded in hiding my pain from her with my fake smile and thank yous (yet again). Looking back I can see that I did a good job of hiding my true feelings like this for much of my miserable childhood. No one wanted to hear how I felt, or that I was suicidal but too scared to attempt it in case I didn't succeed, something that my mum had said people only failed to do properly when they weren't serious only looking for attention. I was terrified I wouldn't do it properly and have to face her wrath.
Ahh happy memories....
This year my mum gave me some Katie Price perfume for my birthday. It was my 40th. Maybe she didn't know who Katie Price is, but honestly, perfume?! I never wear the stuff. And Katie Price perfume at that? She either picked it up in duty free, or at the super market. I did manage to laugh (hollowly) about it at least.
And my mum did actually offer to take my ds shopping too to get me a present (after years of asking and mostly it not happening I didn't bother even suggesting it this year). As a single parent I either have to take him myself or I get nothing.
In the end she left it too late of course, asking him if he would like it with less than a week to go and she was busy that weekend anyhow. So she bought something on his behalf. Some smellies that I could never use because of my sensitive skin. They went to the school raffle, where it was much coveted by a 12 year old girl. Says it all really.
I know people will say I should simply say something. But I was brought up to be grateful for what your given and to say thank you even if you hate it. I was also brought up to believe that my opinion was irrelevant and of no consequence. If I disagreed with my parents I was smacked. So I find it very hard to say anything or reveal how I truely feel, but really wishing I could find the courage.
It's so ingrained in my family that you be grateful that my younger sister told my ds off when she bought him smarties (yet again) for Xmas saying he should be grateful and just accept them. I had suggested to him this year that perhaps he should mention to her that he prefers maltesers, I had tried to myself a couple of times, fell on deaf ears. He hates smarties and they always go to the school raffle. And she launched into a big long lecture about it to him and implied I was a bad mother for not pulling him up for such a comment. It must have got through though as she did get him maltesers next time. I mean really why should I let her waste her money on something he will not eat and we always give away.
At least my mum got the day right this year for my birthday. That's an improvement. Last year she came round with my card two days late saying she'd forgotten to drop it off on her way to the shop. Hadn't bothered to phone me to say so though. I cried for those two days because it hurts when people care so little for you. The next day she brought a card and a gift from my younger sister (who had popped over to visit them but hadn't bothered to pop over to mine, 2 mins walk down the road) saying 'lucky you to have two birthdays in a row'.
Pity none of them were on the correct day!
And people at work always ask what I'm doing. I know they mean well but it does upset me. They don't seem to believe me when I say I'm not doing anything. My boss said I should go out with my son and suggested a seaside town about 30 mins drive from home. I said that would be lovely but I don't have petrol money to go anywhere at the moment (am struggling to pay for petrol to get to and from work even).
Then you get the 'Oh but surely you're going to your parents for a meal at least'. First time someone said that to me I was completely shocked as the very idea. And then upset because of course normal people would spend their birthday with family, but it wouldn't enter my families head. And why would I want to spend time with people who care so little about me either!
I took the phone off the hook this year so I didn't sit there waiting aand hurting when it didn't ring as usual. That's always painful, even though I should be used to it by now. No one cares enough to pick up teh phone or send a text to acknowledge you exist.
This year was better than last though. I've got to the point now where I stop expecting people to make the effort or to care about me. After 40 years it's pretty clear they don't. Much easier to handle when you accept that and move on from it.
Have sent my oldest sister a card for her birthday this weekend. Haven't received one from her for the last 5 years or so. Am wondering why I bother to be honest. She hasn't spoken to me for about 10 years now since I told her that I would ask her if I wanted her opinion on my love life and to butt out.
I can't ever enjoy birthdays or 'surprises' as I need to give myself to prepare for the hurt and upset. If anyone ever bought me a gift I actually wanted I would probably cry floods of tears. I know that seems silly. Doubt that will ever happen though.
Sorry didn't mean to go on about myself like this. Guess you touched a raw nerve with your OP.
Is it your birthday today/soon? It is tough when you feel like no-one cares. How are you managing?