Hello everyone,
I'm new here but was hoping for a bit of advice.
I separated from my ex husband 3 years ago. He's not supported our 3 children aged between 11 & 17) but wants to carry on seeing them. Trouble is he only wants contact at my home and very rarely takes them out. The kids want to see him.
He is still seeing the woman who was formerly the o/w and she is pregnant (although he denies this.)
He was asked to leave our home by ss as he struck and badly bruised one of the children. It seems he is on a mission to get revenge as in his words I "Did not defend" him to social services.
He abuses me still by harassment, stalking, verbal and emotional abuse, and telling lies about me to pretty much eveyone. It's really getting to me and I cannot bear to be around him, the kids are seeing the arguments regularly and because I'm not myself at the moment, I think they may blame me as they see me as the one who starts the fights.
I will admit I've lashed out badly at times, I'm not making excuses but when someone pushes you far enough, well I think you get the picture.
He tells the kids it's me being unreasonable and that all he wants to do is come home (his lies are disturbing.)
He tells me on a regular basis if he sees me with anyone he will snap his neck, tell him the 'truth' about me. He also tells me all of the usual nonsense such as nobody would have me, I stink, I'm boring have no personality etc. He also tells me he will make me commit suicide. He does carry out threats, as he has on several occasions told streets full of people (and my kids) of abuse that happened to me as a kid.
There's loads more to this but just to give you all a bit to go on.
- Am I using the kids as he and his gf keep accusing me? (I don't think I am as I have persistently told him he can have contact so long as he stays away from me. We are obv not the type of couple that can chat civilly over coffee.)
- Do I let the younger 2 carry on seeing him? (me saying no to contact is part of how he convinces people and his gf I'm using the kids)
- Do I let the contact in my home continue and just suck it up? (in other words am I being unreasonable by not wanting to see him, even if it is only for kids)
As a side note, he regularly asks me to sleep with him, tells me he loves me (even though I DO NOT LOVE HIM and totally don't believe for a minute he loves me)
Cheers in advance x