family wedding- advise needed

[jinna]

i am going to a family wedding and will see a lot of family members who i haven't seen for a while - i am already starting to dread it - some of my female cousins make me feel like I'm something stuck to their shoe - i am usually a happy confident person in general but i know that their actions will make me feel like nothing - but that is where i am stuck is it their actions or is it just my own insecurities that make me feel this way
they don't say anything bad or do anything bad it's just they make me feel like i'm not one of the gang - does this make sense? - i start by feeling angry with them but end up feeling it must be me that has something wrong
how can i deal with this situation better this time - advise needed please

Is this your family or dp's family? We're off to dh's brother's wedding next month and can't believe how tense I am about it already in complete contrast to my own brother's wedding! Things to make me calmer - wear v v pretty dress (if I think I look pretty then I don't really care what anyone else thinks); focus on our children and knowing that I have them to concentrate on makes me not have time to think about the rest of the family. Think also that family members will want to play with children so you might even get to dance with dp! Focussing on children being happy means those that like them often gravitate to them and if that's not your cousins you might find other lovely people to spend time with.

(It's not that I don't have lovely in-laws but en-masse it can be a bit overwhelming!).

it's my own family wedding - i actually feel better when i go to dh family weddings - seem to get on better
yes -i have a great outfit to wear and a great dh and two great ds - but i am still dreading it- silly isn't it

anyone else with advise

jinna, i would go ahead and enjoy yourself and not worry what people or your cousins think of you.If they think or treat you as you say"a piece hanging of my shoe" they really arent worth bothering with or worrying about.

If you are going with DH then congratulate the wedding couple, speak to those who you want to and ignore your cousin's, you could treat them they way they treat you... or pretend you don't really know them.. be happy and confident as you say you usually are, after all we can choose our friends but not our family. Why do you feel you have to be one of the gang? you say you don't see a lot of them, perhaps this is the reason you don't feel you fit in, you shouldn't feel as though you have something to prove to anyone, has it crossed your mind that they may feel inferior and have nothing to offer you..

thanks everyone - what you says makes sense - i'll bear it in mind and will try to enjoy myself

No you are not silly to feel this way.

We've got In Laws' 40th wedding party in a few weeks . Am already wondering how I'll get through it without going insane or haing to bite large chunks out of my tongue! Won't have seen many people there for many years so am dreading the pitying "haven't you put on weight" looks and don't really get on with SIL at moment, her kids are awful and likely to send ours the same way for the occasion (they haven't met in over a year). My saving grace is that dh's aunt is coming with new man and she may feel similarly awkward.

Just because they are family does n't mean you will get on with them. Focus on your kids and try to keep them amused. Hopefully they will be the epitomy of good behaviour and show up the rest!! If you make sure you look good too then you will also feel more confident. I'm sure that your cousins behave that way due to their own insecurities and problems rather than yours, so best to smile inwardly and rise above it if you can.

good luck,