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Original poster

Why do parents want to constantly compete that its harder work for them than it is for you.

44 replies

fairyfly · 19/08/2005 09:16

It is like some morbid competition about who has the worst time. I am lucky as i have two children as opposed to one which apparently is harder work. I am lucky as i have two children as oppossed to three which is harder work. I am lucky as i have no husband as oppossed to a husband which is harder work

If one more parent says....... its ok for you, you don't have this. that. or this. or that......... i will drink a bottle of gin and throw up on their feet.

OP posts:
sweetkitty · 19/08/2005 10:29

What got me was everyone saying you won't be out your pajamas for the first 6 weeks, won't put on make up and your house will be a mess. One friend said she hardly had time for a batha dn her legs hadn't seen a razor in years.

When DD was born I suppose she must have been an easy baby cos I found it easy the first few months weren't a complete nightmare, she was up in the night like every baby but at that age they sleep loads during the day and most of the time I was bored TBH.

Now she's one it's a lot better OK she's more work but more fun too. Of course now I've said that DB no2 will be a nightmare and I won't wash my hair for 8 weeks!

Gobbledigook · 19/08/2005 10:30

I don't know because I work harder than anyone

Kayleigh · 19/08/2005 10:32

How hard can it be - we all have time to post on here

Windermere · 19/08/2005 10:56

I know people drive me insane by constantly going on how hard it is for them. I was determined not to be like that, only thing is it is infuriating now because everyone thinks i have it easy because they never hear me complain!

sweetkitty · 19/08/2005 11:27

I would say that looking after DD for the past year has been an utter joy not once have I thought "this is hard" but I only have the one..................

weesaidie · 19/08/2005 11:38

sweetkitty - I have a similar experience to you.

I don't know many people with kids (except my parents) so I don't have much to compare it with but I think I have it pretty easy, lots of help and support and easy dd...

So I think most people have it harder than me and good luck to them!

weesaidie · 19/08/2005 11:39

I have thought 'this is hard' sometimes though... or not 'this is hard' but 'I am knackered..' Must try to get to bed before midnight!

jampots · 19/08/2005 11:46

I have a dh but my dh in particular is hard work. My 2 kids though are easier than say a selection of toddlers/babies as they are at that stage where they are happy to occupy themselves and we have few battles. We seem to have got through all the milestones so dont feel anxious/worried/competitive about whether my child is (a)first or (b) last. No money worries as such although would welcome more IYKWIM, and we all appear to be healthy (apart from my heart prob which causes me no problems).

bythesouthsea · 19/08/2005 11:59

I think we all have our low days but this competitive 'my life is harder than yours' rubbish gets right on my tits - this is my life, I've chosen it & I love it. I work full time, have 2 DD's @ full time nursery (bad mother, bad bad) & a DH who works away all week. Yes I'm v knackered but only wish I had more time and energy to drink more vodka! (its ok for you....you've got time to get pissed.....)

sweetkitty · 19/08/2005 12:37

I get more sleep now than I used to I've had no help from friends or family over the past year as well, it's been the year from hell for us as well in terms of moving house. The only thing I miss is the occasional night out in the pub and a long lie on a Sunday.

Heathcliffscathy · 19/08/2005 13:14

ff, forgive me if i'm repeating something someone has said, haven't read all the posts, but they don't genuinely think you have an easier time, they think you have a harder time, and are trying to gee you up/assuage their guilt by saying things like that.

i'm saying that because tbh, i recognise it: i feel v guilty about my financial circs being better than my sisters', and until recently I would say things like - how having more rooms in a house made it harder to clean up (ffs!) etc. however, we've had a lot of discussions recently and I've realised how badly i need to kick myself up the arse and not feel ashamed about the good things i do have, it is an intolerably crap thing to do.....

dejags · 19/08/2005 13:16

Totally agree with the ?first six week thing?. It is actually my favourite time with a newborn, hectic in a way but so special. That tiny little bundle who snuffles and sleeps all day and gets that drunk look on their face after a feed. So what if they are up all night ? that?s what baby?s do.

Great thread ? reminds me that we should be grateful for our children on so many levels, not complaining all the time.

Original poster
fairyfly · 19/08/2005 15:13

So its a pity thing, christ thats even worse.

I think actually in my circumstance its because i generally am very happy and most of my married mates aren't, isn't that incredibly sad.

OP posts:
kama · 19/08/2005 15:29

This reply has been deleted

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Lmccrean · 19/08/2005 15:42

my mum and her 4 sisters grew up in a house(which was condemned for years before they were relocated) with a kitchen, and living room - which together were smaller than my living room-, 2 bedrooms and an outside toilet. No running water or electric. Babies literally slept in chest drawers and there was 3 kids in each of the two single beds when all were old enough for that. They walked 3 miles to school in the morning and an extra 2 everyother day after school to visit their little brother, who was fostered after mums mum passed away (mum was 9). All their clothes were handmade or "recycled" if they werent good enough to be worn by another child.

I live in (by todays standards) a pretty small place-which is twice the size of where my mums family grew up-, which I always want to complain is too small for all our (me and dd) stuff. Wish I had the willpower to go without most of our material possessions. Its all very humbling.

Oh, and the house that my mum grew up in was in a set of 12 terrace houses which was knocked down about 5 years ago, and two houses were built on it. I know one of the families..they have 1 kid and want to move because the house isnt big enough! Makes me sad

In fact, after writing all this down, I think Im gonna go home tonight and pack away lots of stuff I dont think I need and ask to store it in my mums attic..anything I havent gone to retrieve in 6 months Im giving to charity... and swear never to tell the next generations how lucky they are - never giving up my washing machine tho...

Lio · 19/08/2005 15:44

Fairyfly, do you want to be friends with me instead - I am perfect and have acheived the correct number of husbands, children and parents and a fantastic work-life balance, bake my own bread and in my spare time send off milk bottle tops for free guide dogs [smug but friendless emoticon]

Original poster
fairyfly · 19/08/2005 15:52

That would be lovely lio but i don't think we could relate, you'd never understand how hard it is for me

OP posts:
ninah · 19/08/2005 15:58

pls advise what is the correct number of husbands?

Original poster
fairyfly · 19/08/2005 15:59

That would be one who works away, but you must have a gardener and a swimming pool cleaner to keep you company

OP posts:
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