Anyone only stuck to one DC due to Step kids?

[disarano]

Im feeling bitter tonight and am probably venting my anger in the wrong direction but one of the reasons I think we only had one dc is due to my hubby's extended family.

Someone asked me why we only had one? I thought and its like well when our DS came along it was wonderful but felt like we were treading on egg shells with sd so as not to leave out. couple of years later other dsd came on the scene(Not previously involved with before due to ex no allowing)...then it was concentrating on involving, getting to know and bending over backwards for the dsc.

Now Im at an age and dh is that we are to old our ds is 5 years.

It suddenly hit me that my/our plans were to have 2 dc quickly but it never happened and although we were too busy enjoying our ds Im also convinced both of us were also too busy worrying about the dsc.

Novelty has worn off now with our ds and they didnt even send him a birthday card last week

no one?

I don't have any first hand experience to share with you on this one disarono but I would say that I suppose you chose to marry your DH knowing he had children already..?

Whilst you could never have known exactly how things would pan out, surely you would have realised that him having children may have had some sort of impact on your relationship?

I am a very firm believer in parents putting their children first until they are old enough to make their own way in the world so I'm sad to read your comment about bending over backwards for your DSC. If their Dad was bending over backwards to make sure they were comfortable with his new relationship with you then I can only see that as a good thing and not something to be derided.

It is extremely common in relationships where children from previous relationships on either or both sides exist for things to become strained at times and for resentment and bitterness to set in. I think it's very sad indeed. A happy and healthy "blended" or step family is somethng that really does have to be worked at.

It's even more sad when the couple have children of thier own and there sort of becomes a pecking order or hierarchy of children and who is/should be considered most important.

It can be hard for step children too you know to look at their half siblings and see that they are lucky enough to be able to live with both their Mum and their Dad.

I don't have any experience of this but a friend of mine does. The main reason why she and her partner have one child is that he already had children from a previous relationship and thought that, in the simplest terms, he had enough children. She did, I think, try to persuade him differently but came to accept his point of view.

Is it really out of the question for you to have another child? Setting age aside, does your husband want another child?

Genevieve is right, I think. It is different when one half of a couple has children from a previous relationship. Those children can't just be written out of the couple's history. If you continue to feel resentment towards your step-children, you risk putting your husband in a situation where his loyalties are pulled in two directions. That would be unkind and unwise.

I had this situation too, two older step sons and it was a financial decision more than emotional one, we simply couldn't afford to support what would have been a 4th child. I also had hyperemesis in pg and PND afterwards so these were factors for me too. I did sometimes feel upset about it, but mainly I was resentful towards my then partner who had mentioned 'children' and then when it came to the crunch was uninterested really in our DS, and certainly didn't want more (and deep down I realised I shouldn't have any more with him as he was a selfish wanker).

I am now a single parent to my DS but am now content with an only and can't imagine having any more.