An epic, gentle opinions please!

[lostinwonderland]

I am in my late 30's, I have one DS who is 2.5years old. A few months ago I lost a pregnancy in tragic circumstances. I had to go into hospital to have a procedure etc.

I only told my younger sister and my mum about this happening as I was very upset. My parents visited me and things started to go more smoothly. However a month ago my mum dropped into a conversation that my sister was quite pregnant(we live a distance apart).

It turns out she had conceived a baby at the time of my op. No-one had told me. I waited for her to contact me and no-one did. So I asked her why and explained that i was very upset she hadn't told me. She gave a few excuses and told me it was her prerogative not to tell me until this time. I wasn't very happy with her reply as I felt unconsidered and hurt.

I am probably over reacting. But it has been a very stressful time and I feel very unsupported. My mum has taken her side and says she has done nothing wrong and that I should think about anti-depressants.

I honestly feel let down by my family. Anyone help with gaining perspective? The way forward? I have asked them to not contact me to give me time to process.

Very sorry about your lost pregnancy.

Did your sister not tell you because she was trying to save hurting your feelings? Obviously misguided because you would have noticed her having a baby sooner or later, but perhaps she didn't want to feel she was rubbing your nose in her happy news so soon after your own lost pregnancy?

I don't know what your relationship is like with your sister... Is it possible she did not tell you because she thought it would hurt you / you'd hate her? Perhaps she was scared to tell anyone or many people she was pregnant because she was seeing first-hand the pain of loss?

Perhaps she has other reasons....

Nothing in your post seems to indicate it was a deliberate hurtful spiteful act.

Whatever it is was it done to hurt you? Most likely not. Maybe they have been insensitive trying to be sensitive.

Don't make this into a mountain that is hard to climb back down. You have had an awful time of late. Repair you and focus on you. The rest will fall into place.

I agree with the other posters.

I suspect that your sister was waiting for the right moment to tell you of her pregnancy and probably took the view that soon after the loss of your pregnancy was not a good time. In that, I think she was right.

Can you reflect (to yourself, not on here) on how you might have felt if your sister had told you as soon as she was pregnant? Would your thread then have been about 'my tactless sister flaunting her pregnancy'? Can you also reflect on your mother's suggestion of antidepressants? I'm rarely convinced that antidepressants are the answer, but could the hospital refer you for counselling? That might be useful for getting things into perspective.