new and confused- please help

[guineagents]

Hi there, just wanted to say hello and am so glad to have found this area of netums today!

I Am 35 year old mum to a 3 yr old boy and have for the last year been considering having another child.I sometimes feel that Im gonnna go crazy trying to make this decision. Just when Ive decided one way, I decied another.

Yesterday I just broke down as I admitted to myself and my partner that in my heart I dont want to do it all again. I just sat there in tears, saying " i dont want to do this again" and for the first time felt some relief from the decision.

As strongly as I cant imagine never being pregnant agaihn, never feeling a baby inside me or breastfeeding again, i cant iimagine doing it all again. The sleepless nights, the juggling of work and the stress of childcare. The bloody cbeebies. The birthday parties.I just dont want it..Our flat is tiny, one double, one single room, but just right for the 3 of us. My partner is not keen on another. So many reasons it's not for me.I dont even really like kids world if im totally honest and like that me and my partner still manage to have an adult life with our son. Im certainly no mother earth!

So why do I feel so sad? I read some internet thing last thing last night in Daily Mail saying it was a selfish decision and people lile us "should stick to having dogs" rather than just have 1 kid and no siblings.This upset me as I was an only child and have to be honest, I hated it. I hated the pressure on just me and felt terribly lonely

I feel so stressed out and upset by this decision and feel time is ticking ..I dont want to regret my decion but then dont want to have another child just to stop regrets if that makes ANY sense at all!

On the basis of the article being in the Daily Mail, it instantly says ignore.

The experience that you had of being in a one child family puts you in the perfect place to avoid those specific issues too.

If you don't want another child, and your DP doesn't either, it seems pretty clear cut to me. Enjoy life with your DS, and make it the perfect size for your family.

Come and have a cuppa in the tearoom if you want the company of others with same size families - it might seem a bit mad in there, but is welcoming and a nice place to have wobbles

I don't understand why there is so much vitriol against one child families

You have another child because you want one, not to provide a potential playmate for your existing child

Motherhood is hard for some people, me included

I know I wouldn't have the patience for another one

Every decision in life shuts some kind of door. That is what a decsion is. It doesn't always lock the door but it shuts it for now at least. That is where some of your sadness comes from. It is pretty normal to mourn that we won't have any more children. People who have large families often say they feel sad after having their last one. You can feel sad but still know it is the right decsison for you.

There is quite a lot of social pressure to have more than one child. It is therefore a much harder decision to stop at one child than than at two.

In addition to this you have the additional weight of being an only child and not having liked it. Remember though the experience you had as an only child will not be the one your child has. Your son is not you and will have his own experience. It may be good or bad or a mix of the two but it most definitely won't be your experience as that is yours alone.

I'd say the fact that you felt relief when you realised you really didn't want to do this again says quite a lot. Can you maybe try and talk to some people who were only children who didn't hate it? You may find some clues about how to make it a good experience for your son.