DD crying last night about not having a brother or sister

[stripeyknickersspottysocks]

I feel awful.

She is 9, I'm 33 so young enough to have another but I don't really want one and have been sterilised. I found myself wondering though whether I should see about a reversal, but then it would be a nightmare with house being too small, having to move or extend, childcare for work would be a nightmare. We would probably have to move 80 miles away to be nearer DH's work as he has more of a 9-5 job and I work shifts. So its hard at the minute as we have to have a childminder who starts very early so DH can get to work in time, current childminder is going to finish minding in 2 years time and we struggled finding her. I could get a job in a hospital near DH I suppose.

But I would only be having another to please DD, i don't really want another myself. I enjoy not having a demanding baby or toddler to look after. There are all sorts of nice things we do as a family of 3 that we wouldn't be able to afford to do as a family of 4.

I've explained to her that if I had another now she's be 10 when it was born, she'd be 12/13 by the time it was playing and at that age she's going to be off with friends not playing with a toddler. She was sobbing that she's lonely and that me and DH are too busy to play with her. She asked if I could adopt a child her own age so she could have a sister. I told her they might not get on and there would be arguing, etc but she's adament they would be best friends.

Now I do think I spend a lot of time with DD. I only work 3 days a week, we are always going off and doing stuff together at weekends whether its shopping (which she loves), cinema or a day out somewhere. This weekend coming we are having a shopping morning, dvd afternoon, car boot day and then Legoland. I do make the effort to do stuff with her.

I suppose I tend to leave her to entertain herself in the evenings after school. She'll do homework and then watch TV while I sort tea out, etc. She's not complained about this before but I'm going to try and see if she'd rather play a boardgame or something instead of watching TV so at least I'm offering to spend time with her.

She says that weekends when I'm working are the worst as DH doesn't spend much time with her. DH will offer to take her out for a bike ride or walk but she usually says no and will then watch TV all day while I'm at work. We maybe need to work something out here. I don't work many weekends, maybe one and a half a month.

She has more pets than anyone I know in an attempt to make up for no sibling.

What do I do?

Why don't you try fostering older children?

It would mean your DD would have company nearer her own age.

A baby would be no company to her whatsoever - and not ever really until they were adults because the age gap between them would be to big and the novelty of a baby around would wear off pretty damn quickly I bet!

If your DD began to feel uncomfortable about having other kids around you could give up fostering too whereas you couldn't send a baby back where it came from!

"her best friend left Brownies"

If she has a best friend, invite her over all the time. Three times a week, or more.

I had a best friend at her age, we used to practically live at each others' houses. It was great - tbh, we got on much better than I got on with my much younger sister. And, in retrospect, it also gave both sets of parents some child-free time (or in my case some older-child free time).

If she doesn't have a best friend any more, I suspect this is the real issue. Talk to her about her best friend... maybe something went wrong there and she's looking for a replacement by asking for a sibling?

Agree with minipie, (for the record I'm an only child) I spent the whole of my childhood at other peoples houses, or them at mine, during my teenage years I virtually lived at one friends house, Christmas included! (my parents loved it they went away without me! for some quality time) I guess our kids are lucky in the sense that where we live now, there is a similar set up going on with similar aged kids on the street, and they all wander between each others houses too.