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One-child families

Got questions about only having one child? Find the answers here.

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Original poster

Surprised!!

19 replies

jaabaar · 19/03/2010 17:56

This is the first time I went under this subject. I have one child and would like a second but due to age and finance cannot afford.

I was NEVER aware of all the issues regarding a one child family???!!!!!

I am speechless really! Sometimes it is good to be ignorant of all the writings on the internet really.

I was an only child and did just fine, was never lonely etc etc.

Never new all this aspects even existed! heard of it first time today!

Just wanted to mention that...

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

messymissy · 19/03/2010 21:39

I agree. I have one child and we are happy. It would be lovely to have more but its not essential for a happy child. Plenty of social activities and mixing with other children stops them being lonely.

Am annoyed though. if DD slow to share, or possessive of her toys, then I get the ' its cos she doesnt have to share at home cos shes an only' which is shite as i've seen loads of kids with siblings being very poor at sharing etc. but its easy to lable the only child.

enough of my moans.

Kathyjelly · 19/03/2010 22:02

Funny isn't it. I've only got one dc as well (a surprise at 45 so definitely no more).

IMHU all those "experts" are talking through their hats. My ds has plenty of cousins but he also has good food, warm clothes, a secure home and he gets time with his mum & dad too.

He'll be just fine, as yours will.

CosmicMum27 · 20/03/2010 01:32

I was also very surprised at how many issues people believe there are surrounding only children. I have a 10 year old DS and not only is he amazing, but our lives are amazing too. He's incredibly sociable, with all ages, never once asked for a sibling, and never even thought of being an only child as anything abnormal.

I think it's absolutely wonderful, I am so happy with my choice to have one child.

I was excited to find this topic as I thought it would be other Mum's celebrating having just one child, sharing tips etc, but it seems those threads are few and far between.

messymissy · 20/03/2010 11:24

well lets celebrate away!!

i love being with dd with just one, there is plenty of time and attention available for her, we can spend more time doing everything and its easier to be spontaneous (and cheaper) with one.

She would like a baby bro though and keeps asking me to buy one!!I said we would get a dog and she was happy with that!

Bucharest · 20/03/2010 11:26

I'm another only, daughter of an only, with an only daughter.

All 3 of us are more than happy!

squilly · 20/03/2010 11:36

I have just one girl. I can't deny I would have liked more, but I'm a serial miscarrier!

That being the case, I've accepted that we're just having one child. I love her like no-one else and I enjoy every minute we have together.

She's really sociable, independant, strong and smart. I don't see how having siblings would have made her more than she is now.

One teacher at school said 'you'd never think she was an only child'!?! WTF does that mean?!?

messymissy · 20/03/2010 18:16

squilly I know what you mean - i get that all the time, that and the assumption that as an only she will be spoiled, but she isnt.

RacingSnake · 20/03/2010 22:00

I have an only three-year old, who doesn't share very well. I met a mother of four-year old twins the other day, who lammented the fact that her girls wouldn't share 'because they never have anything if their own or any privacy'. Perhaps young children just don't like sharing?

MuddyMamma · 20/03/2010 22:09

Hah! I have 2 brothers and 2 sisters and had plenty of times i was lonly. Having siblings can be a rollercoster. One moment everyones happy the next all hell breaks loose cos someones being an ass.
So far, I only have one son, and am content to enjoy his babyhood til the time is right for more.
I do fine it horrid when people say 'I want another, so PFB can have a friend'. This seems a realy bad reason to bring another babe into the world for.

Veritythebrave · 20/03/2010 22:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lotkinsgonecurly · 20/03/2010 22:18

I'm an only and do find this topic quite interesting. I was never lonely as a child and had friends, varied social inrests and an ability to amuse myself etc. However it's only now as an adult I would like a sibling, in particular a sister. ! I do have 3 step brothers which I acquired at the age of 18 so am not completley alone.

But, thinking back I really don't see how my childhood could've been happier if I'd had a sister!

Am sure when people comment on only children, (as I remember friends of mine and my mothers doing) there is an element of jealousy all round that they cannot give their undivided attention on a frequent basis to more than one dc.

squilly · 21/03/2010 14:42

I worry more for when dd is older and has ageing parents (we were getting on a crack when she arrived~). I worry that she won't have any support when we croak it. And I just lost my mum and out of the 6 kids she had, at least a couple of them got on well enough to sort out the packing up of her life long belongings.

I have had some major problems caused by siblings over recent years, but have also had a lot of solace from other siblings. So I do see the disadvantages of just having one.

Having said that, I love the time and attention I can give to dd because I have no distractions.

GenevieveHawkings · 23/03/2010 20:00

Jaabaar I agree wtih you - but then I am a person who has an only child by choice, not circumstance.

It seems to me from being around this board for a while that these "issues" only appear to be "issues" for people who want to make "issues" out of them.

And the people who want to make "issues" out of them seem to be people who would ideally like to not have only one child.

I find it all quite sad on a number of levels really.

For me, I'm blissfully happy with the family I always wanted and so for me they are total non "issues"!!

GenevieveHawkings · 23/03/2010 20:13

Just read these comments and wanted to pick up on MuddyMama's point about people saying they want another child as a friend for their firstborn and on VeritytheBrave's book that she had out of the library on only children which offered the very insightful observation (not!) that all only children would have difficulty forming adult relationships and have psychological problems etc etc.

My next door neighbours have four boys. I can always remember them saying to me when they asked when I was having the next one, and I replied that I wasn't, "oh go on, give him a playmate!".

In all the time I've lived here, their sons have only ever mixed with one other. They have never had friends in to play, had birthday parties, have never gone to any clubs or activities as kids do, taken up any sports and generally never go out to mix. They are now aged between 16 and 23 and are the most socially inept lads of their ages that I've ever encountered. They do not speak to or engage with neighbours who they've known all their lives and don't seem to enjoy the sort of social life that I think is normal for people of their ages.

If that's what having siblings does for you then give me the way my only child is developing any day - to be polite, socible, active, engaging and generally very well adjusted.

thisisyesterday · 23/03/2010 20:20

I have 3 children, but dp is an only child and says he NEVER felt like he missed out on anything
he didn't miss having a sibling, partly because he didn't know what it would be like, but you know.,, he doesn';t feel, looking back, like he wishes he'd had brothers or sisters.

in fact, we discussed it a lot when thiniking of trying for number 2, and I asked him if he minded and he couldn't think of anything bad about it at all!

I think it's like a lot of things, people who aren't an only child, or who have more than one child themselves imagine all these awful things and how terrible it must be but actually they have no idea becauyse they've never actually been in that position

GenevieveHawkings · 23/03/2010 20:39

My DS (almost 10) will willingly tell you that he intends on only having one child himself. To him that's totally normal and I have never sought to plant the seed in his head that there is abnormal or socially undesirable about it.

CosmicMum27 · 23/03/2010 23:33

GenevieveHawkings my DS, also 10, says the exact same thing!

CosmicMum27 · 23/03/2010 23:34

also almost*

maxybrown · 26/04/2010 10:54

My DS is the happiest chao, wants so much to be sociable at 2 and a half and think that is just him.

I have a brother and a sister - knowing they are there now makes me feel good, we had a lovely childhood and all 3 of us very outgoing.

I think sometimes that is what i think about - not now as children - but a family when older............maybe lol!!

I remember the last school i worked at, there was a child who was 5 and she was one of 5, (they were quite a rough bunch mind you and never got any positive attention) but I remember when i was heavily pregnant before I left, she asked me if I would have anymmore and I said no, just the one. Then she told me she will only ever have one so that it can have some attention and not have to look after the "other kids"!!! But like I say, the family was very different to my family life as a child!

I guess I will always meet adults who were onlies and xsome will say yes have more and others will say it never bothered them.
We spend a lot of time with our DS just being silly and happy - I hope he is!! Happy that is.

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