Tea Room the Thirteenth

[amberlight]

Welcome to the newest instalment of the One Parent Families tea room. As it's heading for spring, we're now in a nice warm orangery surrounded by woodland filled with spring flowers. All are very welcome to join in with us parents of one (or indeed more!), the tea room gardener/handyman Mellors, various virtual Bishops (don't ask) and a variety of other characters from previous tea rooms. Grab a cuppa, relax!...

Welcome, ljhooray. I'm glad that you've finally crossed the threshold. But don't worry about cleaning the windows - Mellors is a dab hand with a shammy leather. Come to think of it, there's nothing that Mellors can't do to perfection.

CrazyBloke is also of the commercialised nonsense school of thought, at heart, but has a strong sense of self-preservation.

The drinks cupboard is never locked, which probably explains the occasionally raucous behaviour in here. I can't manage gin at this time of day, but maybe just a teensy-weensy sherry before lunch? but [hopeful]

So, it's nearly lunchtime. There's some Vegetable Surprise soup on the aga, and some lewd (but nevertheless organic) rolls. Who'd like some lunch?

Ooo yes please for lewd lunch and a snifter of sherry. It's been one of those mornings where my brain is already on 'full!".

Hi ljhooray!!!! Welcome...do have a pew (I blame the Bishops).

We did valentiney things yesterday - went to cinema and had lovely meal (latter in the house, but we often prefer that, being people of an aspie persuasion).

We don't do valentines - we are just more of the random romantic gesture of a Kinder Egg, or 'I saw this and thought you'd love it' type of offerings

DH is sulking today - garage reckon on a week to mend his car after the wheel v pothole incident, and he has a manky Corsa to drive. And he can't even swap with me as I'm not insured on it (and need a car to take DS to nursery), so he will drive for 7 hours tomorrow in it

Welcome ljhooray - nice to see you. Theres an organic chocolate cake on the side if you fancy some

Oh, veg soup sounds great! Stillcrazy, am loving the yogurt knitting concept! I also read the guardian one child article on Sat, it left me feeling irritated, not sure why though as a mommy of one. Perhaps it wasn't the article but instead ds peeing all around the house that was irritating me while I was reading the article !

Potty training is going really badly. The problem is that ds says he prefers nappies than pants. He also likes to alter reality, for example I'll say 'now if you need a wee or poo you do it in the potty or toliet, don't do it in your underpants' he'll then say 'these aren't underpants, its a nappy' and then he'll wee/poo in them, reiterating that he is wearing a nappy and so it is ok!!!! I'll say 'time to go on the potty and try for a wee' he'll say 'I'm a jellyfish, jellyfish don't use the potty', then he'll scream as if I'm murdering him if I try to put him on it. I then give up because I don't want to force the issue and traumatise the child. Then five mins later he wees himself .

CMOT, that must have been some pothole!

Hello Ijhooray, I'm also new, been here only a few weeks I think.

I'm supposed to be writting a conference paper but I'm soooooooooooooo procrastinating, think I'm bored of my work and in need of a change.

Thanks everyone and mmnppnnhhh (sorry mouth full of that lovely organic chocolate cake)

Poor AandO, just the other week, overheard one of the mum's at dd's nursery with this dilemma...'is there anything you can do here to help with the potty training? He's really playing us up. Refuses to wear anything but nappies, will not wee on a potty or loo but will do a poo. Only problem is the only place he will do it is by running into the kitchen, putting a chair in front of to the door and then pooing in the corner!'

That really has not been embellished or made to sounds more outrageous than was actually said - she really does have a ds that will only poo on the kitchen floor in the corner, whilst barricading himself in!

Does anyone know where AandO could get some jellyfish underpants?

Nope, not a clue about jellyfish underpants...but a couple of thoughts on sensory issues that might be behind a few cases of Reluctant Potty Trainers?

Look away now all ye of a nervous disposition...this is where Amber gets technical

Going to the loo is a nightmare for anyone with sensory issues. Well, it is.

1. Taking clothing down or pulling it back up again hurts like hell - it's like being raked with barbed wire.
2. Loo seats or potty seats are FREEZING cold to sit on - it's just like sitting down on a block of deep frozen ice, even in summer. Warm or cover that seat if you can.
3. Bathrooms etc are filled with smells. Good and bad. But they too can be overwhelming. Fresh air is handier, provided it's not a breeze.
4. Loos and bathrooms are frequently very echoey, which can be scary. Curtains and pictures and plants take the 'edge' off echoey surfaces.
5. Parents who hover and exclaim loud appreciation may inadvertently be adding to the whole social/sensory stress. Dead quiet, look away.
6. For those with little sense of natural balance, loos and potties also offer the opportunity to fall in or off. A handle to hold on to makes a big difference.
7. Who invented loo paper that's rougher than sandpaper? It's how it feels to some of us, even the soft stuff. As for handtowels and the feel of that handwash and the intense coldness of the taps and basin and the splashback of water from the taps...

It takes every ounce of courage some small people have to endure it several times a day. But they may not realise what the issues are.

There again it can be Awkward Little So and So Syndrome for which there is only patience and bribery as a cure

I reakon I cheated - ds was sat on his potty before his bath from ?20mo ish - and read a story - if at the end of the story (ies) there was sucess - fine, if not, no problem... then introduced the same in the morning before going downstairs. I, however, do think that I might have made a rod for my own back as he can sometimes spend AGES on the loo!!!

Current trial (apart from that one) is that he's decided that, if he leans forwards standing up, he doesn't need to hold anything... Oh - and I've told you that one of the things I've got on my list of things to do once dh has a job again is decorate the downstairs loo? Definitely in paint designed to be wiped over (and need new flooring too!)

I am hoping all has gone well today, it being the first day of halfterm. I have impressed on dh the need to ignore and refocus and try to avoid the negative (although i can't see it working that well!)

Hello LJH - glad you've made it in - what was the weather like out there?

A&O - finance - tell me about it! Choir has just agreed (I think) to let me pay my subs when dh gets a job... there's another thing to add to the list.

DS's list goes something like...

When daddy gets a new job we will

• take you out to a film at the cinema
• go out to tea
• possibly have a meal out (just the 3 of us)
• go swimming

Dh's and my list is longer - but it contains essentials like get the porch mended and do some redecoration...

mistlethrush, both my and dh self employed - earned bugger all last year, want to move to get smaller mortgage but as we would have to apply again would be refused it even though it's a third less than we have right now! ggrrrrrrr.
The solution - I'm claiming squatters rights in the tea room (starts boarding up windows and starts fire in an oil drum in the centre of the room...)

hope your Dh gets a job soon, MT - it really isn't funny at all when essentials can't be afforded.

Stillcrazy - gave in and forced mrThumb to order Lion King yesterday - the set I had found wasn't a bad price, even though we didn't need a full 6-disc platinum version, but since Amazon were proclaiming that Disney weren't going to re-release it until 2014 and ebay was just a joke, I think it's worth it. Madagascar - a good diversion but still resulting in "Lion King? Lion King? Lion King?" when it's finished. He likes the lion fight - he has 2 toy lions who do bear a passing resemblance to Simba and Scar and he likes to do action (re)play while watching the fight.

Valentine's Day was a bit of a let down here. MrThumb had put next to no thought into it, considering how much he professes to have missed me/us over the last 3 weeks - he told me to buy some roses for myself when I went to the supermarket on Sat eve and he went out Sun morning to buy the card. (I bought chocs instead of roses - I mean, come on!) His apparent plan was to take me out to dinner on Sunday, this despite the fact that every year I have said I do not want to go out for dinner on Valentine's because it is overpriced, overcrowded and over-pressured. Plus I was suffering from bad jetlag. Way to go on the thoughtful front, husband.

Welcome ljhooray - glad you have entered the portals - there is no escape now of course (bit like the Hotel California) (MWAaaahahahahahaha!)

A&O - the potty training sounds a nightmare - how bad would it be to put him in pull-up nappies for a while longer? I believe, from what I have been told and heard on here, that the more of an issue it becomes for the child, the more they play up over it - perhaps defusing the issue side by having pull-up nappies might make him relax again and have another go in a month's time?

Hello all and one

ljhooray welcome - but isn't it a welcome back? I seem to remember you having a little skulk a few tearooms back? Perhaps not. Perhaps I am just a seer

AandO sounds horrid, the potty training. I would stop if I were you. Fighting jellyfish pants is impossible. Funny when you are told it, horrid when it's you.

I had a bad mummy moment when DaisyBoy deliberately wiped his painty hands on my kitchen units. I was and he was subsequently which made me feel terrible. Getting cross just doesn't work with him. As in getting loud and shouty calm authority is what I need, but lack

I have just one work for you all - Bolly

StillCrazy - might have to nick your Valentine Date - he's a hotty!

I think that to go with the most excellent Evensnog we should have Mellors cleaning the windows with a shimmy leather - I can imagine his leather and sequin clad buttucks swishing to and fro across the windows

Gone back in hole again

Apparently I should consider myself lucky that my son has Aspergers as despite his difficulties he is a lovely boy, compared to someone else who adopted an autistic girl who is still incontinent at 13.

Didn't realise there was a sliding scale that I should compare myself against.

He should have tried being at the dentist yesterday when DS screamed the place down because he didn't want to have a filling.

Oh, Mary. I do hate that competitive woe thing, too. Take your pick from a (((hug))), a hot chocolate, a cinnamon bun and a glimpse of Mellors in Daisy's extraordinary choice of windowcleaning outfit.

Would anyone else like a hot chocolate and a cinnamon bun?

You are right Daisy, I have popped by before but decided to pop in from the cold, slight hysterical wilderness of the rest of MN for some of StillCrazy's hot choc.
MaryBS - it's amazing how competitive people can get over the most inappropriate things. You know, when I was on placement as a psy grad I've even heard people say Autism is easier as at least there's more support and recognition which I expect is sod all comfort for families with Autistic children either! This compare and contrast seems to be an obbsession rather than the thing we should do which is look at each person, their circumstance and listen to them for once.

I'm fairly new round here but having seen many of these ladies post before, I'm sure they are with you every step.

Sometimes distraction is the best option and I notice Mellors is just bending down to rinse out his chamois again...

oh Mary, some people are just so blindingly dense it makes me cross! ((hugs)) for you plus help yourself to the Chocolate Box of Requirement. There seems to be an Alcoholic Beverage Bottle of Requirement sitting next to it as well - feel free to partake (the sun's well over the yard-arm here in Oz so you can borrow my temporal fixing if it makes you feel better)

Its a bit early for alcohol, even the virtual sort, but thanks anyway

Sorry you're having a bad time Mary - here is a thermos of hot soup and a wicker basket with a red and white checked cloth inside, with picnic things including some fresh rolls, butter and knives, plates etc....

I must say that the threads that have people on them that have autistic children do seem to attract strong opinions that are vocifersously imposed... I am steering clear from such areas of Mn and haven't ventured near for a considerable period of time.

I think that there is always a bit of competition - its like the hearing issue with ds - yes, I know that, in a good acoustic when there's not much background noise, he can hear what's being said... But with a 25% hole in his eardrum is guaranteed to affect his hearing. Unfortunately lots of mums there saying that their child has glue ear (ds has this in 'other' ear!) I think that the teachers have become immune to people saying that their child has issues with their ears....

I had to avert my eyes on the way into the tearoom today... Does anyone know why Mellors is doing THAT ? And what does he think he looks like?

Minestrone and fresh bread anyone?

(Dh impressed me yesterday - Barnaby has done a 'magic' trick (photographic evidence) - he got the bread to rise and then cook!)

It wasn't on MN I got those comments, but IRL. I too steer clear of such discussions on here!

Thank you for basket of goodies, much appreciated

Mary - I thought it was in RL not here. Sorry that its had such a big impact. Just because your problems are different, it doesn't necessarily mean that they are any easier to deal with.

Will Mellors be on the pancake station later? Hope he is a little better covered otherwise he really could do himself a mischief with a hot pan

Using humour and MN as a distraction today - I know it's normally much more significant events that stop you in your tracks but lost my dear Dad in Nov and he was truly pancake king. He helped me develop a truly unstoppable appetite for pancakes with lemon and sugar and we would both camp out in the kitchen for most of evening chatting and eating pancakes when I was a youngster. My dh is also a dab hand with the pancake pan so hoping my dd is equally blessed with lovely pancake memories

What an insensitive person Mary! It is awful when people try do outdo each other in hardship (or anything at all for that matter). Have a cup of tea (my answer to most problems !).

Amber thanks for your toliet training thoughts. Ds is very sensory sensitive (if that makes sense!). Freaks out if hands get dirty etc. Needs lots of physical stimulation. These are things for us to keep in mind.

I'm thinking about job changes and what I would ideally like to do career wise. Just wondering what you guys would do for a career if you changed? In an ideal world sort of way. I'm currently doing something similar to what I think I want to do. I am an environmental policy researcher, used to work for a uni now self employed as a consultant. I think I want to move into a different area of env policy, maybe more conservation of species/habitat kind of thing, to go back to my original saving the world life plan . My current contract finishes in July and I'm being positive and thinking about how this can be a good thing (on the other hand I am scared, dh is a full time student so I am the sole earner in the household). So ideal careers please !

Ooo, ideal careers for an environmental person...I'd love to do work on marine habitats, provided I didn't have to get in the water or go in small boats or be outside in the cold at all but it's so vital.

ljhooray, shall toast your dear departed dad with a pancake this evening, and remember my own dear departed parents at the same time. It's funny how the small memories seem the most powerful - perhaps because they're unexpected?

Mary, passing you a nice cuppa and belgian chocs, also available to everyone else.

Having totally rubbish day here but there's light at the end of the proverbial tunnel. There again, it could be the oncoming express train...

More hot chocolate here for anyone who's having a trying day. Plus the Railway Siding of Requirement, down which to divert any inconvenient approaching train (in manner of old black and white film).

Ljhooray - I hope the memories you have of your dad tonight will all be happy ones. I just found that thing from Newswipe on Youtube. I ... am ... speechless. That was really broadcast on the Bee Bee Cee?

Very interesting question about what job we might do in an ideal world. Amongst my options (professional qualifications and other minor details notwithstanding) would be

benevolent dictator of the planet (jobshare with my friend J)

picture restorer at the Courtauld Gallery

neuroscientist

swimming with dolphins at the Parc Asterix in Paris

Are pancakes a German invention? I could swear I just caught sight of Mellors wearing lederhosen.

Am now full of pancakes, which have been decorated with PROPER maple syrup (the genuine Canadian stuff, bought in Canada, rather than the stuff that tastes like golden syrup, that they sell in the UK) and cream. Yum.

Still in hole because not sure how to get rid of this despairing feeling