Tea Room the Thirteenth

[amberlight]

Welcome to the newest instalment of the One Parent Families tea room. As it's heading for spring, we're now in a nice warm orangery surrounded by woodland filled with spring flowers. All are very welcome to join in with us parents of one (or indeed more!), the tea room gardener/handyman Mellors, various virtual Bishops (don't ask) and a variety of other characters from previous tea rooms. Grab a cuppa, relax!...

oh bother and drat Mistle. It sounds like teh teachers aren't talking to him - did they ask him about the hug/ hit? or would he not tell that to them, only you?

Yes, StillCrazy, the wine is here. and Mellors is here too

The TA told the teacher he punched her.

And of course its his word against the TA's - who are they going to believe.

But, yes, he is exuberantly demonstrative of affection, and sometimes it hurts, even when he's not distracted. And, yes, he does get distracted easily. However, despite his size and strength, he is only 4 still.

I am going through waves of been furious with him and furious with school.

He really needs someone that he bonds really well with but who he also looks up to - I'm not sure that he has enough awe of his current teacher to create that strong leadership that he really needs at the moment.

Apparently he knuckles down and does his 'work' - maths/writing etc quite well - but he does it 'quickly'.... I don't know whether that means he's not giving it enough attention and getting things wrong, or whether he just finds it easy and is therefore finishing quickly (in my view, if a child does this, they should be getting more to do, not being left as a live-wire to disturb the rest of the class!!!)

MT, arrgh re him and the school - what a nightmare for you. A change of teacher might do it, yes.

Teas, coffees, light refreshments?

Yes - I also think a change of teacher might do it. On the other hand, both his best friends are in this class, and, ideally, I'd like him to continue up the school wtih them if there is any chance.... (both nice families, local, and we share children on in-set days, attending parties etc).

MT - so to hear about mistlechick's woes, that does sound hard. Does he get bored then? I agree, he should be given other stuff to do. I could read big books by the time I was 5 so teachers used to excuse me from Ladybird exercise reading and leave me to get on with my book, that way I didn't get bored etc. Sounds like his teachers need to be more flexible.

AandO - my sis's youngest is 3.6 and she still wears nappies sometimes - she refused point blank to poo in the potty and would hold it and hold it until they gave in and put a nappy on her - 5 mins later, full nappy!
miniThumb isn't anywhere near ready yet but when we get back to Oz I will get him a potty so he can see it and get used to the idea of it.

al fresco weeing - MrThumb does this all the time. When we're out for walks, it's obligatory. (he does have very low retention times though, even he is starting to think he has a problem!) The one that really annoys me is the peeing in the garden when we have a perfectly good loo in the house (I don't mean he is caught short in the garden while all dirty, I mean he will actively choose the garden over the loo!)

Catita - sorry to hear about the bad reactions to the swine flu jab. And the delayed op again. Boo.

JM - glad you are no longer a Lazar House - hope you all get better soon. Restorative beef stew might help? (I don't think one can get Restorative Pork Jelly or Calves' Foot Jelly any more (Thank Goodness!))

Twiglet surprise? And bolly? Or perhaps rosé - or I could mix the bolly and the rosé and get pink bolly? [pleb emoticon]. Nah, too early in the morning even for me - I'd better have a late breakfast instead. Croissants, pain au chocolat and jam, anyone?

MT - My diagnosis is that Mistlechick is....

A BOY!!!

Boyish boys need to run and jump and be wild and it sounds to me that his teacher isn't providing opportunities for him to go "Raaaaaaaaaaah" in an appopriate way!!!

Sorry - I get confused very easily and can't remember if mistlechick is at a (coughs) state or (whispers) private school! I only mention these mn taboos because moving classes, in my experience, would be much easier in the later kind of school than the first mentioned.

I was also wondering - Could you find an activity that requires him to be very bouncy for MC to do out of school?

It is snowing here. I am soooooo fed up of the snow. I am yearning for a soft gentle Spring sun and crocuses. JM - your post brought tears to my eyes. I can't wait for Springtime to arrive in Europe too...

at the Restorative Pork Jelly - someone else has been reading Frederica I think

Mistlechick sounds a lot like DS, who I regard somewhat like a large dog, in that he needs to burn off a lot of energy. We have found that a trampette is a good first thing in the morning energy blow off.

A change of class might also be a good thing. If you are already friendly with the other boys and their parents, I'm sure that will continue.

Not more snow Tea ? We had some yesterday, but it didn't settle. Am off to Switzerland tomorrow to do battle with some recalcitrant engineers, so am sure it is going to be nasty and cold there

In defense of the teacher - I know this will not be a popular view - it can be quite tricky to do a PE lesson if one child is running around like mad or waving their arms or spinning around on their bottom on the floor. The others are often much more interested in that child than the teacher. Maybe she is young and not very experienced? I would expect to attempt to get a child of MistleChick's age onside, so that he wants to do what I ask him to do and he will probably end up doing to 150% more than the others - faster, smarter, etc. Excluding a child from PE seems extreme. I would have asked the child maybe to sit on the bench for 4 minutes to have a moment to calm down because you might accidently hit another child with flailing arms. Then a bit more PE; aren't doing doing wonderfully, what great control MC; oops, flailing arms, you need to sit down for a minute until they are under control; are you ready now? ... Wow! What a fantastic balance/forward roll/star jump! ... etc. Long winded and tiring for the teacher but the child takes control of what they are doing.

And don't get me started on TA's. A mixed blessing. At present I have one in my y5/6 class who shouts at the children while I am talking to them, takes away merit points I havde just awarded to the more 'challenging' boys and rubbishes what they have done when I have just praised them. 'Don't you think you can pull the wool over Mrs Snake's eyes when I am here - you are capable of much better than that!' Which of course implies to them that I am stupid. And I am trying to give them ways of accepting my rules without losing face (ie 'not noticing' any muttering), but she then confronts them in front of the class and takes away my merit point for an hour's good work with a partner and no fighting!!!

Ooops, hijacked MistleChick's discussion for a rant of my own. Sorry sorry sorry.

But, as I said, TA's are a mixed blessing and often of a more old fashioned frame of mind than teachers.

Racing - can I bring mistlechick to be in your class please????? That must be SO frustrating having to work with your TA!

I would have thought that a teacher with as many years' experience as mistlechick's current teacher would manage to do that sort of thing - but clearly not. Mistlechick never even made it to the PE lesson - he was excluded before getting there. And he enjoyed himself having one-to-one time with the (nicer) TA that they have on a Mon/Tues - so the exlusion really shot them in the foot as he preferred his time there. Not exactly the way to go about getting him doing the PE lesson properly. And, yes, I would put him on a bench at the side if he wasn't doing what he was told. And I would put him on a chair away from the others (and anything else) if he couldn't sit still on the carpet. And I would give him one piece of red paper that he could swap at one time in any group discussion for having his say.

I still have to remind her that he really does have hearing problems - its not just a figment of my imagination as a mother of a pfb - there is an actual hole in his eardrum fgs. And we're not exactly in a stable position at home at the mo what with dh still with no job.

And the trouble is that, as he is getting a 'reputation' for being the trouble maker, it all comes to rest in his lap, even if he wasn't the instigator... (he is too easily led at the moment, but then, he is only 4.9 and its some of the older ones in the class that are leading - but as they are not as big, they don't get 'spotted')

And yet, the teacher is also willing to point out that ds isn't 'part of the herd' and doing exactly the same pictures etc as everyone else - he is doing his own thing based upon his imagination - he did a snowy picture on the computer and it was yellow based - because the sun was out () although it didn't show up enough - his second version was black-based... unlike EVERY ONE of his class-mates pictures that were on blue backgrounds.

Sorry for the off loading. At least I have all you lovely ladies here that are so understanding and kind.

Anyway, anyone for some soup? I think we've got some minestrone on the go (mistlechick's favourite)('can we have mini... minies.... mini... the soup with pasta in it?') with some homemade poppyseed rolls.

My ds also has loads of energy, he needs a good run to get it out of him, other wise he runs backwards and forwards in the living room slamming himself into the walls...we plan to get him playing rugby as soon as he's old enough . He is very physical, loves to squeeze, it can hurt when he hugs! My sister spent time with him over christmas and mentioned that he needs a lot of physical pressure applied to his body to help him destress. She is a therapist working with autistic kids and finds that alot of these kids need this, she has now recommended that I give ds lots of deep muscle massages...I have yet to try this, to get meet his physical sensation needs without him having to be so rough all the while. But also maybe its just a normal boy thing?!

I would get him into as much excercise as poss perhaps. My main concern would be him getting a reputation as you say. He doesn't want simple boisturisness (sp?) at age 4 to influence how teachers see him in the school. Also on another point I don't think kids should be required to draw the same way as each other, that imagination should be encouraged...I would be concerned about a teacher that is promoting being 'part of the herd' all the time.

Thanks M/N for losing my answer! The short version is that the teacher does applaud his individuality SOMETIMES.

We don't have problems with the physicality at the weekend as we have a dog that needs walking - although, now, ds needs walking more than the dog. But last spring bank hol he walked 7 miles without a single murmer - OK, we did stop for breaks etc - but still proper 7 mile walk.

He does love to fiddle though and can even be distracted from eating (shock, horror!) by fiddling with as little as the crumbs on the table. Sometimes we have to remove all extraneous items from near him, like we did when he was 1yr old.

Yes please for the soup and roll.

AandO, yup, we do need and respond really well to massage or touch therapy. It's done me a lot of good over the years.

I suspect many boys in particular do need to be very physical, and it can be quite a shock. Rugby and judo were fantastic for ds, I have to say.

Ds is currently doing football after school. Next year he can start karate (if he's still at the school)(because I'm blowed if we're going to pay for him to be the trouble-maker and scapegoat). There's also a yogabugs class that they are introducing just for reception - we'll wait and see if he gets a place on that. However, at this rate he won't be in school uniform very often!

He is a lovely snugly boy - and we do have good cuddling sessions still. And his preferred place to read a book to you is from your lap (so you have to peer round one side then the other!)

Think I might go and have a stomp around outside in the sun.

Ds is very very snuggly and always has been, but also rough since just before Christmas - I think they are linked, he is just a very physical person. I think I will try the massage. He has been hitting a bit lately too, which is upsetting, he says he thinks its funny. He doesn't try it with anyone but me though. When he started preschool first they had to stop him being too physical with the other kids, he was squeezing them when he was excited, the teachers had a word with him and so did we and it stopped.

Great that they have all these extracurricular activities at your ds school!

Sun? What sun? It's been hailing here!

Yummy soup and rolls, thank you.

I'm sorry to hear of Mistlechick's travails at school. But can I offer a contrary view and say I'm not sure that moving classes is the right thing - at least not yet? There might be a risk that it would play into any labelling that's going on, ie Mistlechick is the bad boy who's been banished from Ms X's class.

Is this a very traditional style of school, Mistle? The reason I ask is that some of the prep schools around here (both now and in my distant yoof) are very traditional blazer-and-tie, sit-down-and-do-your-work-without-uttering-a-peep in their ethos, which seems to work best for studious girls and least well for rumbustious boys (with others somewhere in the middle). I think it can take boys a while to acclimatise. What does Mistlechickc feel about this? Does he enjoy school? Is he happy there?

Is there anyone at the school you can talk to, apart from the class teacher? Is there a head of year, or someone in a similar role?

Hugs, illicit or not, very gratefully received here today SC. Not my best day. And I'm sorry I'm unburdening it all on you lot!

Yes - it is quite a 'traditional' school - although they do things like having an afternoon out playing on the bikes etc when they're in reception. And it looks really nice when you go in first thing - whilst everyone's arriving, there are various activities set out on the different tables and they often change every day and they can choose what to do.

However, his teacher has come from the 'boys' school side (two single-sex schools have merged, although teaching for core subjects in the senior school is done single-sex still) so she really should be able to cope with the boiterousness of ds. However, I think that there are almost an abnormally number of 'quiet' children in the form - which somewhat skews the 'feel' of the class and makes ds stick out even more. His nursery teacher got the measure of him and stood for no nonsense, but his current teacher seems to be putting most of the onus onto us to get things to improve, rather than work out what solutions will work for her. I'm all for working with the school, but this seems to be rather one-sided, and I really don't want to have to talk to my son as I did last night.

And how on earth does it help him to do PE better if he is 'excluded' before he gets there and then has fun doing things one-on-one with the TA - that's more of a bonus for ds!

Since schools have a positive emphasis on including X amount of physical activity a day, it's not good for any child to be excluded from sessions. As you say, it's giving him a reward, but also not doing much for his teamwork or physical health.

It probably had nothing to do with improving his PE but was just a way of not having to deal with him. I do agree that moving him is likely to get him labelled as the problem; it depends how entrenched the situation is, whether it is remediable.

Also agree on 'herd training'- one reason why Wriggle will not be going to the school where I work it that last year I witnessed the Reception teacher telling off a group of children for getting their work 'wrong' because their elephants were not all grey (!)

Wriggle's new guinea pig - RacingRuby - had three babies this morning. RacingPig is so proud. I was very difficult to persuade Wriggle to give them back to RR - 'I am the Mummy Pig. These are my babies.'

Aaahh to the RacingRubyBabies (the RacingJewels?)

Tea and fruit loaf, anyone?

Have thundering headache . Could do with a cranial massage if Mellors around (she says hopefully...)

I think Mellors is in the kitchen just checking the cabbage is still boiling.

Hello. Sorry to hear about Mistlechick's problems at school, MT , it does sound like you need to talk to someone other than the class teacher, if only because of the hearing issue. From what I gather this is a big factor in your disquiet about the teacher in question.

But I am glad to hear that planet Jack is bouncing back . Just think, JM, there is one more bug that you are all immune against!

We've still no date for K's op. Hopefully it will sort itself out soon.

Just seen Mellors stirring the cabbage - still boiling well - and adding some nice warm water to the gravy powder. Can't wait for supper to be served!

I really did enjoy braised beef with carrots at school. But as for liver ... And we had to eat everything on our plates.

Mary, I hope the headache is not due to more problems. I'm sure Mellors will be out soon.

StillCrazy, how can you live without pets??