Help! Bossiness, Crying & Not Sharing

[gallusbesom]

My only DD (3.9) has been at pre school since August and she really enjoys it however she seems to have got a name for herself amongst the teachers that she tends to cry for no reason (probably because she isn't getting her own way). She is quite bossy (like her mother!) and is slowly getting better at sharing.

My question is - is this just her personality or because she is an only? What can I do to encourage sharing, reducing the bossiness and curb the crying????

Thanks in advance.

My dd is like this too and she will be 3 in a few weeks. I dread going to pick her up sometimes as most times the teachers tell me that she hasn't listened to them or she has been hurting another child/snatching etc. She is always trying to control the situation.

I dont think it is her personality, but just that they are at the stage where they are learning social skills, what is and not acceptable etc.

With regards to the sharing, whenever I have something like a drink or something to eat and my dd wants some, I will share with her but make a big deal about how I am sharing with her and how it makes both of us happy to share with eachother and not snatch

As for the crying, this might sound a bit mean, but I tell my DD when she is crying for no reason that she will not have any attention from me and that if she is going to cry like that then when she gets hurt and cries for a reason, nobody will take any notice of her (a bit like the boy who cried wolf iyswim) and then I move away and do something else till she realises mummy will not give her the reaction she wants.

I prob havnt helped at all, but atleast you know your not the only one with a little madam at home!

It's just her personality and her age I suspect - children are notoriously egocentric at that age. It's just a phase that she'll grow out of hopefully as she matures and become better able to express herself and articulate her feelings.

As a side issue and not in any way related specifically to your DD though, I think this sort of behaviour can be a bit of a "girl thing".

If it's any consolation to you, the way your DD is acting right now sounds a lot like a lot of little girls I know (and have known in the recent past) at a similar age, and that goes for ones with siblings, both older and younger, too.

I think a lot of little girls these days seem to be treated like "little princesses" at home and some people seem to think it's endearing if they behave like proper little madams.

This is not typical only child behaviour - but it is the stereotype of only child behaviour!

Do lots of closely supervised playdates where you can teach her (and she can learn on her own too), how to share/take turns/play someone else's game etc.

She needs many opportunities to practise with other children.

thank you for putting my mind at ease. this weekend we have been playing sharing games and only had a few upsets. Will keep making a big deal when she does share and not give attention when she doesn't.

Gallusbesom - so here you are!
I don't think this is because she is an only. It is because she is herself, doing her thing at her time. Behaviour can be age related, person related, tired/ hunger related - put down to the place in teh family (only, first, middle, last, you name it....)

I think the less labelling you can do with children (he's the cross one, she's the helpful one etc etc) the better - let them be themselves - she is learning to share, that's all!

thanks Daisy - If I'm honest she is so like me it is scarey! Apart from I do my crying on the inside when I don't get my own way