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One-child families

Got questions about only having one child? Find the answers here.

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Original poster

You've only got one its easier

13 replies

flowerfly · 15/11/2009 12:16

How many times can people say that and what is the best reply We have 1s who's 6 many of his peers have brothers and sister younger than them. My ds has started to struggle at school a little and we have asked a former teacher to tutor him a little now i feel like an outcast as another mother found out and the whole ' well they only have one ....' raises its head. The fact we have tried for another to no sucess!( not that they know this) and feel we need to help our son before he falls behind to far seems irrelevent .....it makes me so angry...

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

TheFoosa · 15/11/2009 12:18

why worry about what other people are thinking?

TheFoosa · 15/11/2009 12:19

don't get obsessed with the whole only thing, you have a child to look after

TheArmadillo · 15/11/2009 12:21

Ignore them.

Some people don't have anything nice to say about anyone. It's them not you.

Original poster

flowerfly · 15/11/2009 12:22

More easier said than done really. I do care what others think i know i shouldn,t. My ds just seems to be stuck and i want to help him didnt tell anyone but someone found out and know mums have started to quiz me

OP posts:

AMumInScotland · 15/11/2009 15:47

You do need to find ways of making what they think irrelevant to you. Because, they'd just as easily say "Well, they have so many, he can't be getting much attention!" or "Well, she had a baby just when he was starting school!"

Tutoring is something which gets strong reactions, but if you calmly say "He was falling behind so we want to get him caught up", then people will at least know you're not trying to "hothouse" him, or being PFB about it.

If other mums quiz you, it's just as likely to be because they feel they're not doing enough to help their children.

jennifersofia · 15/11/2009 15:51

I have 3 but I have to say, I don't agree. I remember having 1, and it was just as difficult as having the 3. I think it is very unfair of people to say this. They can't possibly judge what it is like for you.

whomovedmychocolate · 15/11/2009 15:56

It's different having more than one. I've got two now. It's busier and in some senses harder (certainly you have less time to yourself with more than one). But I think you've missed the point. It may well be that the mum who made the comment about 'only having one' is feeling embarrassed that she can't afford to pay for tutoring for her brood, because it does get really expensive.

I understand you may be feeling defensive if having only one is not what you want and you feel it is being rubbed in your face but I expect both you and the other mum are a bit unhappy about different things. Can you try and find things you have in common rather than different so you have a way to get on?

Original poster

flowerfly · 15/11/2009 18:05

Thanks everyone i just very upset this morning i know im doing the right thing he is falling behind and im doing the best i can for him. I think also i felt i had failed him a little but he seems to be excited about meeting his extra teacher now.

OP posts:

StrawberryBeret · 15/11/2009 20:26

It only makes you angry because you wish you didn't have just one.

It's true - it is easier with just one child.

Well, that's certainly been my experience at least.

I certainly wouldn't fancy having to put up with/dealing with what some women with more than one child have to put up with on a daily basis in any case.

Acinonyx · 18/11/2009 23:14

IMO the bottom line is - if you really want more than one child, then it isn't easier to have just one.

StrawberryBeret · 21/11/2009 23:54

Precisely Acinonyx - what you said bears out the first point I made.

Earthstar · 14/01/2010 21:50

Think previous posters have hit the nail on the head here, it only bothers you because you do not want to have just one child.

Sheila · 15/01/2010 22:18

I completely understand. I get this a lot, but I don't accept it's true. I think it must be a lot easier in some ways to have more than one - more kids to entertain each other and more life in the house. It's much easier for me when DS has a friend to play, for example.

I'd never be so rude as to say this to someone with more than one though. It's incredible how rude some people can be, and how tedious the way mothers try to outdo each other with how hard their lot is. Sigh

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