to those of you with only one child but not through choice...

[ellymae]

...and particularly to those whose partners have been the reason why you only have one child, how do you come to terms with the fact that you will never have the family set up that you always wanted and dreamed about?

I have always wanted 2 children, or more importantly have never wanted just one child and i have no reason to believe that years ago my DH felt any differently. We have a wonderful DD who is 22mos and in an ideal world I would love to have another baby within the next year. However, DH has made it clear that he doesn't feel he is capable of having any more children and the subject is pretty much closed.

Now I am not looking for help in trying to persuade him to change his mind as he has valid reasons that I don't really want to go into, I'm looking for help in how I can start to try and come to terms with his decision.

Does the pain of not being able to have more lessen over time, am I always going to be hit by reminders throughout life of the family I will never have?

I have read a number of the other threads about one child families and I know that in time I will come to appreciate the benefits of having only one but the pain is still quite raw for me, so if you could indulge me with some support I would really appreciate it

This won't be the support you're after, but please remember there are people who can't have children. Think how raw their pain must be. Love the child you are so lucky have.

no it doesn't really help much, I was nearly one of those people as dd took 7 years to come along so I know exactly what that kind of pain can be like. DD could have died as well within the first few days of life so again I know I am extremely lucky to have her.

It doesn't stop me feeling the sense of loss that I have now, its a natural emotion to have

We often talk about this kind of thing in the tea room. Please come and join us.

(And, Banana, you are quite right, but reminding Ellymae that other people are experiencing pain of their own doesn't alter the fact that she is hurting too).

Ellymae,

I don't think you can ever come to terms with it. I have a lovely DD, but would have loved to have more DCs. I can't offer any help, but I just wanted to let you know you're not alone.

ellymae, I do know what you mean...I actually have 3 dds. But only one with my husband...he and i desperately wanted another but after 7 mcs and an ectopic i now realise the likelihood is very very tiny

I want another child just as much as i wanted dd1, dd2 and dd3 so i don't thnk the fact that you have a child (when others can't) makes it any easier.