what do you say when people say you MUST have another etc?

[mum2niamh]

Cos I'm going to end up with no tongue left with all the tongue biting I'm doing around my bloody MIL!

DD is ony 9 months, but I had such a horrible pregnancy (most of the time in hospital) then PND, that I'm not sure I want another.

She keeps nagging me, saying it's not fair on dd/dh, I must have another, I'm selfish, dd will be spoilt etc etc etc

PLEASE tell me what you say to such people without a huge argument (MIL is the type to burst into tears and cause lots of problems if anyone dares to stand up to her)!

Just say we will have to see. Sometimes it is not so easy second time round.

I have secondary infertility and have been trying for 3 years for a second child.

After DS1 was born I was adamant there would be no more. So, when people went on about having another I told them I already had 2 children - DS1 & DH. They normally didn't know what to say to that so I could just smile sweetly & walk away

lol soph i like that

How ridiculous - your baby is only 9 months old!.

Our dd is 3 and Im constantly getting the "anything stirring?" question - even from work colleagues!! - we got married in August so this increased to an unbearable level - (questioning my weight now! ) really have to bite down to stop myself telling them to fuck off... but my God NINE months....

O I know how you feel. We are preety sure that our dd is going to be an only. Lots of reasons, our age, finances, small house, horrid pregnancy, traumatic birth to name a few. Im increaingly being made to feel gulity though by anyone and everyone. No-one seems to think an only child can grow up to be anything but spoilt, shy and lacking in social skills. grrrrrrrrrr

Ps my dd is only 5 months old (22 weeks)!! The pressure feels overwhelming sometimes, I've got dp on one side saying, shall I get the snip! My family, his family and it seems everyone I know on the other saying O youll change your mind, Im sat somewhere in the middle on quite an uncomfortable fence!!

Anyway I was no help was I? But you have my sympathy.

umm
can I just say.

The only time I have ever asked someone ifthey are intending to have more children is in the midst of a general children conversation and as a question of interest - not an implication thatthey should have more.
One of my earlier conversations with my best friend we both discussed whether we were done having more children - her with her one child and me with my three.
And funnily enough I was the one that said I couldn't have any more even if I wanted to. She simply didn't want anymore. Which seems perfectly reasonable to me.

Is it possible that sometimes people are just asking rather than stating IYSWIM

thanks everyone, some good ideas there.

see, im a bit of a cow at this one, i tend to reply either "well since ds was born we have had 7 mc's one ep during which i lost my tube and the discovered that my bladder was misplaced during my cs. i have had every doctor from here to liverpool between my legs, the sonographer could draw a map from memory of my uterus and its still not happened, but thank you for reminding me of my inadequacies as a woman, wife and mother"

or if im feeling generous " we had sex at 9pm last night, which was 13 days after my last period started, doggy style. afterward i stuck my legs in the air for 45 minutes and watched the full moon through the bedroom window, whats your number, i promise that you will be the first to know"

shuts the fuckrs up.

tell them to bog off and mind their own business.

lol and at lissilou

I like "we'll see". I still use it and dh has had the snip!

thumbwitch, its ok they normally blush and mutter an apology as the back away regretting ever speaking to some madwoman!

Like your style Soph73 !!

My usual riposte was that I never intended to have any children so to have one is amazing enough. I also go on to point out that the complications which led to DD being 10 weeks premature are not guaranteed not to happen again - usually shuts them up.

As for all the arguments about the benfits of siblings etc - I usually point out that the majority of these are benefits to the younger siblings and not to the first born ( eg someone to show the ropes through school) so there will be negligable benefit to dd in providing her with a sibling.

Well, my first is still in utereo, but will probably be my only.

I think I would tell anyone who said that to mind their own f*ing business. But I'm nearly 40 and am long past keeping the peace with people like that, even if they are related to me.

Initially I used we'll see, then as the years rolled by maybe one day, then I'm too old and now 9yrs later when I say I'm pg I'm asked if it was planned - as if it's anyones business!

'It's in God's hands'

usually shuts the f*ckers up

stellabgh, PMSL , op its your(and your dp)decision, if you want only one ,have only one.ignore the mil, she wont be the one doing the labour/night feeds/ nappies ect, so what is got to do with her. if shes broody buy her one of those dolls(the weird ones that look like real babies).

Response to someone asking you when you're having another one?

I find "When hell freezes over" usually does the trick

MollyCherry

I just say you need to find me a man for that and there is no chance.

The cogs turn and the pitied look crosses there face and then they walk away and pretend they never asked - usually.

If it was my mother in law I would point out that she hates her sister. All of this kids needs siblings is frankly a load of bollocks - it's just a societal rule that everyone has to have two.

Your MiL is rather quick off the mark! Until recently my standard reply has been one of two, "I'm keeping an eye out for babies on eBay..." or, "I'm encouraging DH to have his next one with someone else..."

After 2 miscarriages and an ectopic pregnancy within a 6 month period I tend to go for a simple and non-negotiable, "we can't". If the question-asker insists on prying further I take great delight in providing more detail than absolutely necessary about the life-saving surgery I had for the EP. These days I usually cry later on and in private.