Commiserating with poor old one parent families

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Thought this thread might attract kinder comments from multichild families than the celebrations one

Ladylagore - I have made you a present....

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/larger_families/638809-Because-larger-families-are-great?rnd=1225536325755

I don't really get this? Is it an attack on one-child families for seeing the good things in being part of a small family?

I had 4 miscarriages, so couldn't have more than one child. You'll forgive me for looking on the bright side of having one child rather than wallowing in the misery of not being able to have the mighty brood I was hoping for.

Why does anyone have to get bitter about the size of their families? I'm one of 6 and loved having lots of sisters and a brother. Loved being part of the madness of a full house. Love having support now my parents are older.

I have only one child and I fear for her being alone when she's older. But you know what? My family works fine for me for now, thanks, and I don't need anyone painting me with their daft, one-child family bigotry!

Squilly - Thanks for your comments and sorry for your losses - life throws some real rubbish at us sometimes and it sounds like you got more than your fair share!

This is just a thread sorting out issues brought up in the proper thread.

The proper thread is here...

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/one_child_families/626934-celebrating-one-child-families

I would be honoured if you would be kind enough to grab yourself a glass of champagne and come and celebrate the best bits of having one child!!!

I have also set up a one child diaries - where we can keep a joint online diary about bringing up one - this is for the ups and the downs. So far it is just me and Jacksmama - it would be good if more people joined in!

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/one_child_families/638548-The-mystery-of-the-lost-shoes-and-trousers-and-other

I look forward to seeing the name 'squilly' popping up some more! You sound like someone I'd like to 'know' better!

We all have loads of buttons that get pressed all the time which is why this section was set up. There are some (maybe not very many) issues that arise exclusively when you have one child and, sorry but it's true, people who have more than one child think that the answer is to have another one. Nearly everyone I know in RL tells me when I express anxiety about DD being an only that I should have another. That is not going to happen. When my sister complains about her kids fighting/costing too much/ taking up all her time I wouldn't dream of telling her that she shouldn't have had so many. And that's the big difference. Parents of onlies are expected to be missing something. That isn't necessarily so but it aint all roses either. (or we wouldn't need to share our problems!)

Thanks Teafortwo for your lovely comments. I should be working now, but I couldn't leave your message unanswered. I will drop in on the more positive thread...but I've gotta go work right now. Just wanted to express my appreciation for your words.

Lottien, you're right...it would be considered crass to knock people for having more than one child (and lord knows, I'd be a hypocrite for telling people they shouldn't burden themselves/us/the world so, when I'd have been more than willing to do it ) but it's o.k. to drop the, 'oh, I couldn't have just one child' line whenever and where ever. I'm not really bitter about it, but it does get on my (not insubstantial) chest every now and again.

Right...got to stop prevaricating and get some work done...catch you on the onlies threads later.

DD's birthday party yesterday: 15 kids in village hall plus a few relatives and other grown-ups. I mentioned to DD's godmother that I found it fun but stressful. She replied in a condescending tone "I was just saying to DH - it's a good job Mulanmum only has the one - how would she cope if she had to do this for four kids every year".

This comes from a mother who spends much of her time snapping and snarling at her brood!

My own mum said this to me a few times...but I just stick out my chin and told her I'd have managed just fine if we'd managed to have more than one. Just like every mum does. Now she doesn't mention anything about other children, just tells me I'm lucky to have just one. She was never maternal, despite having 6 of us!

I have sisters with children, 3 of them (one is childless, by choice, though why I felt the need to add that, I don't know). They all kept hounding me for when I'd have another, but they finally realised that my age was increasing and my odds, inversely, decreasing, so they stopped asking. They all now have grandchildren, thanks to a big age gap between me and my youngest sibling, so I have more in common with their kids than them a lot of the time.

It's often the snappers that gloat in the 'you'd never cope' argument. It's just projection on their part. They feel smug in knowing you may never be able to prove them wrong...and confident, despite evidence to the contrary, that they cope admirably. It's not worth getting het up about. And it sounds like you had a great birthday for your dc, which is all that counts.

And I'd defy ANY parent, one with 1 or 11 to not find parties stressful!

"There are some (maybe not very many) issues that arise exclusively when you have one child and, sorry but it's true, people who have more than one child think that the answer is to have another one."

Some people, Lottien, not all. Some people with more than one are a bit brighter than that.

MulanMum - Good choice of godparent there. Someone who snaps and snarls at children.

hello again all - have been lurking but not posting in the one child families topic. But now I see I have a thread which fits me perfectly - as I am a one-parent-one-child family!

I welcome all the commiserations AND celebrations. Just having the onlies topic is a great support to me personally when I feel sad about my very small family (which was not my choice, but which I am starting to enjoy a bit more thanks to all the positive things said here.)

That's all!

Thank you Shock for your supportive comment (sarcastic emoticon required). She's Godmother because she's the spouse of my oldest and dearest friend who is also a wonderful father to his girls and I wanted him to be Godfather to DD. I'm sort of saddled with her.

lottien - I think your comment that we are often "expected" to be missing something is very true...

Mulanmum I too find my dd's parties stressful and fun at the same time, and as I get more under my belt they become progressively less stress and more fun! My dd's parties really rock - and I go to a lot more trouble and expense than I could if I had more kids! If your dd's godmother needs to patronise you about this it is really indicative that it is her with the problem . Maybe she wishes she only had to do one a year herself!